Cav lookin' leaaaaaaan.
Reminiscing about the last time they were in this part of the world: "I think the biggest issue of the day was Denis Menchov hitting a dog."
Oh man that was almost extremely graphic. Kwiato just wanted a pee!
HI JENS!!!!
Sweet! The majority of the stage will be raced under sea level.
Into Gouda! Paul has provided us a great deal of advice on how to pick your best Gouda. And given a genealogy of the cows needed for its production.
Though neglected to mention Gouda is also the birthplace of Koen de Kort!
I think that's Alex! IT IS SO EXCITING TO SEE ALEX IN THE TOUR!
G!!!!
And Wee Pete!
Nicoooooo!
I must say I've been lovin' Peter's hair lately. Like, what mousse does he use?
"They've used this tactic before, they find the wind..."
AHHHHHHH they've done it again!
What is this horrific imagery of the German champ ALONE being distanced!! STOP SHOWING HIM IT'S SAD
CRIPES look at that split.
Paul is questioning how far out this has been done but can't say it isn't working!
Oh god even Phil and Paul have mentioned the woe of the poor German champ.
Nico has a hysterical pain face. He looks like he's laughing and smiling.
I think that's Belgian Ted on the front!
Awwww it is!!!
Daniel Oss poppin' above the parapet like a meerkat.
He's trying to strategise into his radio.
Garmindale been caught out it would seem. Ryder and Pitbull in the second group.
"For the moment the panic is over with"
Well done says Nico to whoever was in front of him. Wee pat on the back.
*Wink*
That's like a killer telling you how they're going to kill you and then doing it and you have no power to stop them.
I don't even understand what's happening at the finish line. That weather is RANCID.
Tasty.
G!!!! Don't fracture your pelvis AGAIN!!!
What's happening? Why is Jens Debusschere sad???
He had a terrible crash apparently! Awwww he's so sad!
Squee! Sammy Sanchez! RIDING BESIDE KOEN DE KORT. And now Steve Cummings. THE TOUR IS THE BEST.
BMC bossin' at the front. Oss and Quinzy drivin'.
Youch, that second group has been caught out!
Oh wee Pierre!
Ohhhhhhh that weather!!! Literally almost can't see anything!
ahhh the feed went out but they say it was Adam!!!!!
Ahhhh nooo the delayed feed is horrible! His entire right side is covered in mud. His shoulder looks dislocated but he's like 'gimme another bike, I'm cool to drive'. ADAM I LOVE YOU.
Wout and Nico are dropping now. Don't isolate Froomey!
Gap at 44', Froomey is in the front group. Unfortunately so is Bertie but the Witch Doctor has been distanced.
Oooop Nibali is being left behind!
Just gone through this elite front group, almost all of OPQS, lots of Lottos, FROOMEY, Ian and G (and possibly Wee Pete?), Tejay and lots of BMCs including Ossy and Quinzy.
also bertie.
Alex has got his sunglasses off and is POWERING the witch doctor's group along.
Tibault and John are getting with Nibali trying to get with this front group.
Alex having a snack.
Oh HEY ROY!
A Lotto-Jumbo seems to be getting into an altercation with Matteo Trentin.
Group 2 and 3 are merging it seems.
Styby!!
Oh good, confirmation that FAB is in this front group. TAKE THE YELLOW JERSEY FAB!
Tony is runnin' this show. Every time they show the front group he's on the front strategising like a UBOAT CAPTAIN.
Well this is a great photo and sentiment.
Woah Matteo Trentin is not feeling very chill. He might have just been gesturing about the road going ahead but it looked more like GO FUCK YOURSELVES.
Nibali is peeling off, ooooh mechanical. Oh my god he is literally having the worst day ever.
Oh come on they're not gonna disqualify him. He's not Richie.
Are they even on road now?? It looks like they're riding through a marsh.
Ahh Peter! He's had a flat! Fuck the tire, give me a new bike!
YEAH PETER. Oh hey it's me again on the back of this front group!
"THERE'S A LOAD OF TRAPS ON THE WAY!" says Phil.
Oh Richie, oh Dan, spotted in the second group.
Alex has been all over the front all the day! GO ALEX!
Awww, Kwaito has won the most aggressive rider of the day!
FABBBBBBBB!!! Riding next to hair rival Oss.
Oh christ 1k this is happening.
Oh god well that was boring. Cav, Peter, and Greipel went to the line, Fab swung around and got up to them and it was all kicking off and then GREIPEL takes it??!!
Ugh.
ooooh look how much time that second group lost! A minute 30!
OMG they're saying Fab was actually third and will take the yellow jersey! DON'T LET ME DREAM!!!!
YAAAAASSSSSSSS!!!!!!
I simply love them both!!!
I love how Cav just stops giving a shit when he sees he won't win. What? PUTTIN MY BREAKS ON.
That Alpecin commercial where John is dubbed with his own voice is quite weird.
David Millar is not impressed with you today, Mark.
And you gotta listen to a man who looks so good in a popped collar.
Awwwwwwwww I LOVE FAB HE IS SO SMILEY
What a delicate flower G is. Talking about his crash: "Yeah someone fell over my back wheel and I went down that way and landed on my... on my bum."
I LOVE FAB SO MUCH
"I had to go somewhere but I didn't know where."
"I had my tough time there because it wasn't easy."
"They won nothing and they lost everything."
"I won today yellow and that's good."
Sippin' on an Orangina.
Over TWO MINUTES down for the Shark of Messina and even more for the Witch Doctor!
Cool nose ring Froomey.
Hey Juan Antonio, late to the game and throwing his mic up in there. Scene stealer.
Aww a wee glimpse of Julien riding on the front in the final wrap-up.
Hendy you amazing man...
Oh Koen we love you.
ADAM!
Sunday, 5 July 2015
Sunday, 31 May 2015
Giro D'Iljo
Bold trouser choice from Ashley House this morning.
Nice one, Dario.
Leo we love you!! And your neckwarmer chic!
The UCI really need to work on their sense of humour.
That chase for the intermediate sprint was pretty lovely just then. Burgy and another BMC leading out Phil, and then Phil gave a tiny thumbs up! LOVE.
And now they're all laughing and joking together beautifully.
Reaaaalll classy Bertie, insisting this is his 9th Grand Tour win. Gnome it's not.
Phil's calling to somebody. What's going on?
Elia riding by Heinrich. Lovely.
Awwww Elia's favourite athlete is Cokey Tom! How cute!
Awesome. This is the best on-board footage yet, what a party!
An abundance of nature breaks at the moment:
In the meantime, that's something we didn't need to see...
Has to be done.
Oh heyyyy Bernie. Little snack time there.
Yeah, what's this, has Luca had a stylish haircut for the occasion?? Looks trendy.
Woah talking of trendy, nice hair Bernie.
Juan Antonio just called him the brains of the operation and he laughed so brilliantly.
In the end it was a beautiful Giro, says Bernie.
ILJO out front!!!!
Wowzers what's gone on there. Alafaci is just holding a bike frame. No wheels.
Burgy chillin' near the front with some Giants.
That shitty little section of cobbles and tram lines in the finishing straight is a bit terrible.
Bossin' on the front: The Team Sky story.
All in for the stage win!!
Some pushing and shoving going here-- mostly from Trek to Lampre. Starting a bit early, commentators note.
Oh shit, Giant are literally running down the road. There's wheels on the road, Ludvigsson is somewhere there. Awww Luka Mezgec taken down somehow. He was very pleasant in the pre-stage interview. Sad face.
Shite, Bernie pulling off, trying to give Leo his bike! NIGHTMARE.
Good christ well they're all getting back on but that's not helpful for Elia!
Though I feel like he did really well without a structured train before, but...
It's helped Iljo's lead go out though.
My heart is being torn so many different ways.
An issue for Phil now??????? NOOOOOOO!
These punctures are like sniper shots to my heart!!!
And now Heinrich too!!!! This is insanity.
This is worse than tack-gate a few years ago.
HOLD ON ILJO HOLD ON
BELL LAP!!!!!!!!
34 second advantage as the group comes through the line!
This is fucking cray, they think Iljo and Luke will stay away!!!
GO ON ILJO FUCKING TAKE IT!!!
Now Giant is driving on the front. Luka is doing a Kiel!
Burgy still hanging out front.
1.5k and 25 seconds.
Iljo is on the game now. Last K and making Luke work.
Swinging all over the road!!!!!
Iljo checking behind.
They're like barely riding. I love it.
Swinging swinging
The group is coming hot on them!
FUCK HERE THEY GO
HE'S PULLING AHEAD.
ILJO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HE WONNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!
Oh my god hugging Luke and all!
Come on let's see it again!
He looks so chill. He's like wandering around giving thumbs ups!
Christ he was FAR ahead in the end.
Yes it was beautiful, I was so emotional watching it, says Juan Antonio.
It's the best sport in the world when it's like this.
I've seen a lot of course from Cavendish how he does it, so I take experience from that. I LOVE ILJO!!
Big ol' swig of the prosec there.
Aww so cute, I thought of doing something maybe in the last lap, but I felt good with six to go...
Let's make this official: #GiroDIljo
Nice one, Dario.
Leo we love you!! And your neckwarmer chic!
The UCI really need to work on their sense of humour.
That chase for the intermediate sprint was pretty lovely just then. Burgy and another BMC leading out Phil, and then Phil gave a tiny thumbs up! LOVE.
And now they're all laughing and joking together beautifully.
Reaaaalll classy Bertie, insisting this is his 9th Grand Tour win. Gnome it's not.
Phil's calling to somebody. What's going on?
Elia riding by Heinrich. Lovely.
Awwww Elia's favourite athlete is Cokey Tom! How cute!
Awesome. This is the best on-board footage yet, what a party!
An abundance of nature breaks at the moment:
In the meantime, that's something we didn't need to see...
Has to be done.
Oh heyyyy Bernie. Little snack time there.
Yeah, what's this, has Luca had a stylish haircut for the occasion?? Looks trendy.
Woah talking of trendy, nice hair Bernie.
Juan Antonio just called him the brains of the operation and he laughed so brilliantly.
In the end it was a beautiful Giro, says Bernie.
ILJO out front!!!!
Wowzers what's gone on there. Alafaci is just holding a bike frame. No wheels.
Burgy chillin' near the front with some Giants.
That shitty little section of cobbles and tram lines in the finishing straight is a bit terrible.
Bossin' on the front: The Team Sky story.
All in for the stage win!!
Some pushing and shoving going here-- mostly from Trek to Lampre. Starting a bit early, commentators note.
Oh shit, Giant are literally running down the road. There's wheels on the road, Ludvigsson is somewhere there. Awww Luka Mezgec taken down somehow. He was very pleasant in the pre-stage interview. Sad face.
Shite, Bernie pulling off, trying to give Leo his bike! NIGHTMARE.
Good christ well they're all getting back on but that's not helpful for Elia!
Though I feel like he did really well without a structured train before, but...
It's helped Iljo's lead go out though.
My heart is being torn so many different ways.
An issue for Phil now??????? NOOOOOOO!
These punctures are like sniper shots to my heart!!!
And now Heinrich too!!!! This is insanity.
This is worse than tack-gate a few years ago.
HOLD ON ILJO HOLD ON
BELL LAP!!!!!!!!
34 second advantage as the group comes through the line!
This is fucking cray, they think Iljo and Luke will stay away!!!
GO ON ILJO FUCKING TAKE IT!!!
Now Giant is driving on the front. Luka is doing a Kiel!
Burgy still hanging out front.
1.5k and 25 seconds.
Iljo is on the game now. Last K and making Luke work.
Swinging all over the road!!!!!
Iljo checking behind.
They're like barely riding. I love it.
Swinging swinging
The group is coming hot on them!
FUCK HERE THEY GO
HE'S PULLING AHEAD.
ILJO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HE WONNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!
Oh my god hugging Luke and all!
Come on let's see it again!
He looks so chill. He's like wandering around giving thumbs ups!
Christ he was FAR ahead in the end.
Yes it was beautiful, I was so emotional watching it, says Juan Antonio.
It's the best sport in the world when it's like this.
I've seen a lot of course from Cavendish how he does it, so I take experience from that. I LOVE ILJO!!
Big ol' swig of the prosec there.
Aww so cute, I thought of doing something maybe in the last lap, but I felt good with six to go...
Let's make this official: #GiroDIljo
Sunday, 24 May 2015
The Sky is Falling!
Giro Stage 13:
Oh Phil! They're talking to him about his most excellent win yesterday and he said he almost didn't sleep the night before cuz he was so disappointed in himself!
Juan Antonio Flecha should host all things! He is so lovely and so enthusiastic and so pleased for Phil!
Whaaaaat, Rick is in the breakaway???? SHOW ME PICTURES!
Looks like Luca dropped his chain. What a pro though, so chilled.
A random level crossing now. Could they not just stop the trains? Rick's like 'uhhhhh, fuck this shit' and went round the police motorbike and practically under the barrier.
Commentators not convinced the gap was maintained and I'd have to agree. They held the peloton for like 1 second and the breakaways were there for days!
Rick likes gardening and Taylor Swift! The cutest!
Elia not pleased with his intermediate sprinting there. It's ok Elia, just win the whole thing!!!
Luca looks like he's wearing a onesie.
Classic. Elia says, "Yeah I'm going home today. Shame about the weather. And we're gonna go for the win."
Rick got the mini-sprint there!
Not a day for gondola riding is a good short story title.
Who is this guy interviewing people at the start? Everyone seems to hate him.
Cripes Rick just had to duck under the arm of a spectator like an agile cat.
This weather is RANK.
What up Ryder? You're enormous.
Snazzy neck gaiter Luca!
They keep going on about Luca's UCI-violating outerwear. First off Luca is a natural rule breaker.
Secondly, I don't want Luca to be punished, but there does seem to be a lot of violation going around, IN FULL VIEW OF THE COMMISSARIES, that's just being ignored. No one is wearing the correct outerwear, Pistolero took off his helmet, yet Richie is randomly SCREWED OVER for Friendship-Gate.
Phil got himself a little raincoat there.
Little look over at the camera from Rick. He doesn't look tired exactly, but maybe a bit fed up. He does have a naturally dramatic face though.
Venice gets third most visitors after Rome and Milan??? Venice is the best!
Oh the catch. Jerome gave Rick a pat on the back. Rick took his hand. Then saluted the camera. I'm in love.
17k, gruppo compatto.
Ooooof crash spread across the road.
Seems to have happened before 3k.
This finishing circuit is a BITCH.
Ugh when Sacha Modolo wins it's like a waste of a day. SNOOZE.
So on the one hand I want the crash to have been inside 3k cuz then Richie won't lose time. But on the other if it wasn't inside 3k Pistolero will be SCREWED. This is hard.
They seem to be saying it was outside 3k, which means Bertie has lost his pink jersey!
Apparently this is the first time this has ever happened to him? They're freaking out. Is it that weird?
Woe is Richie.
Giro Stage 15:
The second half of this is gorgeous and adorable.
Hashtag mind tricks, love you Chad!
Oh Richie! RICHIE WE ARE WITH YOU!!
Also Hendy and Cokey Tom have gone home, so this Grand Tour got a whole lot less awesome.
Luckily Hendy's bestie and all-around DUDE Adam is still around! BREAK THAT RECORD ADAM!
A group trying to get away here.
Giovanni Visconti in the lead with a GreenEdge behind him.And like 15 other guys.
I thought Rick might be out there again and HE IS.
He's in a bit of a no man's land with like 12 guys. Giovanni, the GreenEdge and a Katusha are alone further ahead.
Looks like Giovanni, Zakarin, Intxausti is the group that's gonna stick.
Intxausti needs to give that blue jersey back to Simon. It's Simon's!
A chase group behind them as well. Of little consequence.
But a BMC has shot off a front! IS IT RICK AGAIN?
Kosta is chasing away but it's unclear as to where...
Now it seems the chasers have been caught and replaced by Paulinho?
Oh wait. Maybe not. This coverage is unhelpful.
Paulinho caught the front three, making them four, and there are still indeterminate chasers out there somewhere. And then the peloton.
Now those three chasers including Kosta caught the front group.
Now Brent is chasing!
He has the most American jawline.
BMC are really trying to get someone away today.
Looks like Brent joined the front group, no thanks to this commentary.
Nom nom nom, we're in the feed zone.
It is gorge up in these mountains.
YAMS hanging at the back. With lovely Heinrich.
I hope Tinkoff are tiring themselves out riding all together up front there.
ooooh fugitives gone off. Giovanni, Brent, Kosta, and some AG2R have splintered away.
The rest are left to freewheel along waiting for the bunch. How hysterical.
Giovanni did a bit of a Froomey there; pulled out his earpiece and went away leaving Intxausti and his blue jersey behind.
Oh it's Hubert Dupont, the AG2R.
Snooze fest with this Tinkoff procession all day.
That's a hard turn onto the mountain. That's gonna be hard for a peloton to navigate seeing as four guys barely managed it.
Manuele Boaro up at the front now. Kind of a dude.
Brent has been dropped very early on this climb.
But the breakaway is losing time anyway.
Phil being dropped from the main group. And a Garmindale too.
Is Richie being dropped????
Why is he with all these CCCs???
OH RICHIE.
Oh god Uran Uran is down the back as well.
Looked like Iljo back there with him. The #Girodiljo is my favourite Grand Tour.
Kreuziger and Basso being dropped.
Astana are covering more of the front now. Never thought I'd prefer that.
Representative of the International King Foundation is still up there. Thank god.
Brent, give up dude.
Oh Dario, falling behind now.
And Brent is caught.
Kruijswijk trying to get away on the descent!!
Darwin was down on his belly but straight back up.
Mick Rogers caught up in that too.
Danger corner.
Contador is isolated. KILL HIM!!!!!!
There's like 10 Astanas and ONE Contador. DO SOMETHING!!
There's only like 20 people left in this peloton.
Ah the breakaways are going to be caught. Kosta is stocking bottles to bring to the King.
20k.
Damiano Caruso there for BMC. Wooop wooop!
Max Monfort too.
Some pretty big hitters up here.
And by that I mean: the people in the top 10 that I like.
Giovanni is full of fire today. He gestured very aggressively at Diego Rosa just then.
They've caught Hubert DuPont who was up there alone for awhile.
A second group back there with Ryder and VDB and Ion Izziguire and Cataldo maybe.
I knew Ryder was going for it!!
GO RYDER!
BRIDGE RYDER!!!
Are we gonna snooze all the way to the top here or what??
Literally what is the point of having all these Astanas up here if we're just gonna ride along all together to the end?
Fucking tell me about it!!!
Hardman Laurens TenDam is in your corner, SO DO SOMETHING!
Max Monfort dropped.
Caruso looks to have been dropped.
Up front: 2 Astanas, Aru, Bertie, Trofimov, Kruijswijk, The Lion King, Amador.
Ryder is poppin' gels and still going for it!
Styby is watching at home and retweeting what we're all thinking.
3.5k to go.
Well there it is. Contador away.
Landa's staying on him though.
Tofimov and Aru join them.
Aru kind of going for it but it didn't really go anywhere.
Landa goes again!
Twitter is ahead of the feed so we're in 1k technically!
Might be for Trofimov today!
ANYBODY BUT BERTIE!!!
Ooh lala it's Landa say the French commentators!
I LOVE LANDA!
YAAAAAAY!!
IT WASN'T BERTIE!!!
Koning killing it to keep those gaps small.
Tangert so pleased for his man!
RYDER!!!!! Coming in 12th? That's got to be good right?
Why don't they talk to Caruso? They're just keeping a camera on him through a fence like a bunch of creeps.
The King into 5th!!!
I think Caruso and Max moved up too.
Uran Uran comes in 8 minutes down. No news on Richie.
Awww Mikel Landa is very likeable!!!!!! He's really having a good go at speaking
French!! It's so sweet!
Oh my god why is Leo wearing a giant coat?? He's so cute! LONG LIVE THE KING!
We love you Damiano!
Oh another interview with Leo, hoping to gain back time from 'that stupid crash and that stupid wheel change'.
I love literally every other person in this race except Bertie.
Can't somebody give him a Merckx-style gut punch?
Oh Phil! They're talking to him about his most excellent win yesterday and he said he almost didn't sleep the night before cuz he was so disappointed in himself!
Juan Antonio Flecha should host all things! He is so lovely and so enthusiastic and so pleased for Phil!
Whaaaaat, Rick is in the breakaway???? SHOW ME PICTURES!
Looks like Luca dropped his chain. What a pro though, so chilled.
A random level crossing now. Could they not just stop the trains? Rick's like 'uhhhhh, fuck this shit' and went round the police motorbike and practically under the barrier.
Commentators not convinced the gap was maintained and I'd have to agree. They held the peloton for like 1 second and the breakaways were there for days!
Rick likes gardening and Taylor Swift! The cutest!
Elia not pleased with his intermediate sprinting there. It's ok Elia, just win the whole thing!!!
Luca looks like he's wearing a onesie.
Classic. Elia says, "Yeah I'm going home today. Shame about the weather. And we're gonna go for the win."
Rick got the mini-sprint there!
Not a day for gondola riding is a good short story title.
Who is this guy interviewing people at the start? Everyone seems to hate him.
Cripes Rick just had to duck under the arm of a spectator like an agile cat.
This weather is RANK.
What up Ryder? You're enormous.
Snazzy neck gaiter Luca!
They keep going on about Luca's UCI-violating outerwear. First off Luca is a natural rule breaker.
Secondly, I don't want Luca to be punished, but there does seem to be a lot of violation going around, IN FULL VIEW OF THE COMMISSARIES, that's just being ignored. No one is wearing the correct outerwear, Pistolero took off his helmet, yet Richie is randomly SCREWED OVER for Friendship-Gate.
Phil got himself a little raincoat there.
Little look over at the camera from Rick. He doesn't look tired exactly, but maybe a bit fed up. He does have a naturally dramatic face though.
Venice gets third most visitors after Rome and Milan??? Venice is the best!
Oh the catch. Jerome gave Rick a pat on the back. Rick took his hand. Then saluted the camera. I'm in love.
17k, gruppo compatto.
Ooooof crash spread across the road.
Seems to have happened before 3k.
This finishing circuit is a BITCH.
Ugh when Sacha Modolo wins it's like a waste of a day. SNOOZE.
So on the one hand I want the crash to have been inside 3k cuz then Richie won't lose time. But on the other if it wasn't inside 3k Pistolero will be SCREWED. This is hard.
They seem to be saying it was outside 3k, which means Bertie has lost his pink jersey!
Apparently this is the first time this has ever happened to him? They're freaking out. Is it that weird?
Woe is Richie.
Giro Stage 15:
The second half of this is gorgeous and adorable.
Hashtag mind tricks, love you Chad!
Oh Richie! RICHIE WE ARE WITH YOU!!
Also Hendy and Cokey Tom have gone home, so this Grand Tour got a whole lot less awesome.
Luckily Hendy's bestie and all-around DUDE Adam is still around! BREAK THAT RECORD ADAM!
A group trying to get away here.
Giovanni Visconti in the lead with a GreenEdge behind him.And like 15 other guys.
I thought Rick might be out there again and HE IS.
He's in a bit of a no man's land with like 12 guys. Giovanni, the GreenEdge and a Katusha are alone further ahead.
Looks like Giovanni, Zakarin, Intxausti is the group that's gonna stick.
Intxausti needs to give that blue jersey back to Simon. It's Simon's!
A chase group behind them as well. Of little consequence.
But a BMC has shot off a front! IS IT RICK AGAIN?
Kosta is chasing away but it's unclear as to where...
Now it seems the chasers have been caught and replaced by Paulinho?
Oh wait. Maybe not. This coverage is unhelpful.
Paulinho caught the front three, making them four, and there are still indeterminate chasers out there somewhere. And then the peloton.
Now those three chasers including Kosta caught the front group.
Now Brent is chasing!
He has the most American jawline.
BMC are really trying to get someone away today.
Looks like Brent joined the front group, no thanks to this commentary.
Nom nom nom, we're in the feed zone.
It is gorge up in these mountains.
YAMS hanging at the back. With lovely Heinrich.
I hope Tinkoff are tiring themselves out riding all together up front there.
ooooh fugitives gone off. Giovanni, Brent, Kosta, and some AG2R have splintered away.
The rest are left to freewheel along waiting for the bunch. How hysterical.
Giovanni did a bit of a Froomey there; pulled out his earpiece and went away leaving Intxausti and his blue jersey behind.
Oh it's Hubert Dupont, the AG2R.
Snooze fest with this Tinkoff procession all day.
That's a hard turn onto the mountain. That's gonna be hard for a peloton to navigate seeing as four guys barely managed it.
Manuele Boaro up at the front now. Kind of a dude.
Brent has been dropped very early on this climb.
But the breakaway is losing time anyway.
Phil being dropped from the main group. And a Garmindale too.
Is Richie being dropped????
Why is he with all these CCCs???
OH RICHIE.
Oh god Uran Uran is down the back as well.
Looked like Iljo back there with him. The #Girodiljo is my favourite Grand Tour.
Kreuziger and Basso being dropped.
Astana are covering more of the front now. Never thought I'd prefer that.
Representative of the International King Foundation is still up there. Thank god.
Brent, give up dude.
Oh Dario, falling behind now.
And Brent is caught.
Kruijswijk trying to get away on the descent!!
Darwin was down on his belly but straight back up.
Mick Rogers caught up in that too.
Danger corner.
Contador is isolated. KILL HIM!!!!!!
There's like 10 Astanas and ONE Contador. DO SOMETHING!!
There's only like 20 people left in this peloton.
Ah the breakaways are going to be caught. Kosta is stocking bottles to bring to the King.
20k.
Damiano Caruso there for BMC. Wooop wooop!
Max Monfort too.
Some pretty big hitters up here.
And by that I mean: the people in the top 10 that I like.
Giovanni is full of fire today. He gestured very aggressively at Diego Rosa just then.
They've caught Hubert DuPont who was up there alone for awhile.
A second group back there with Ryder and VDB and Ion Izziguire and Cataldo maybe.
I knew Ryder was going for it!!
GO RYDER!
BRIDGE RYDER!!!
Are we gonna snooze all the way to the top here or what??
Literally what is the point of having all these Astanas up here if we're just gonna ride along all together to the end?
Fucking tell me about it!!!
Hardman Laurens TenDam is in your corner, SO DO SOMETHING!
Max Monfort dropped.
Caruso looks to have been dropped.
Up front: 2 Astanas, Aru, Bertie, Trofimov, Kruijswijk, The Lion King, Amador.
Ryder is poppin' gels and still going for it!
Styby is watching at home and retweeting what we're all thinking.
3.5k to go.
Well there it is. Contador away.
Landa's staying on him though.
Tofimov and Aru join them.
Aru kind of going for it but it didn't really go anywhere.
Landa goes again!
Twitter is ahead of the feed so we're in 1k technically!
Might be for Trofimov today!
ANYBODY BUT BERTIE!!!
Ooh lala it's Landa say the French commentators!
I LOVE LANDA!
YAAAAAAY!!
IT WASN'T BERTIE!!!
Koning killing it to keep those gaps small.
Tangert so pleased for his man!
RYDER!!!!! Coming in 12th? That's got to be good right?
Why don't they talk to Caruso? They're just keeping a camera on him through a fence like a bunch of creeps.
The King into 5th!!!
I think Caruso and Max moved up too.
Uran Uran comes in 8 minutes down. No news on Richie.
Awww Mikel Landa is very likeable!!!!!! He's really having a good go at speaking
French!! It's so sweet!
Oh my god why is Leo wearing a giant coat?? He's so cute! LONG LIVE THE KING!
We love you Damiano!
Oh another interview with Leo, hoping to gain back time from 'that stupid crash and that stupid wheel change'.
I love literally every other person in this race except Bertie.
Can't somebody give him a Merckx-style gut punch?
Sunday, 26 April 2015
Oldie but Not Goodie
Liege-Bastogne-Liege:
Sammy, don't go!
THE CUTEST. I CANNOT BE OBJECTIVE I WANT HIM TO WIN EVERYTHING.
I'm kind of obsessed with this picture of Alex Howes. It feels epic and dramatic.
The Ride Journal knows.
Got a breakaway of 8 now.
Mmmm. Tough group to pick a fave. Clement Chevrier has the best name and is riding for IAM.
UHH IS THIS HIM??! Is he 8 years old??
How can you not root for IAM when this good lookin' dude is riding today. (I mean that hair alone!)
I love this team I could not love them more.
Nico Roche is here for Sky, cuz obviously.
Will he go away on La-Roche-en-Ardenne? The Cote de Saint-Roch? Roche-aux-Faucons? or the Cote de Saint-Nicolas?? IT'S ALL TO PLAY FOR.
Is Paul drunk? But yeah the weather does look very dramatic out there.
In the wait for live coverage, I have discovered there is another Michal Kwiatkowski. Who sort of seems like he could be related to Nathan Haas? ... It's really boring when there are no updates.
I'm sort of lukewarm toward the Shark of Messina, but if he won today it would be a nice little bookend to his first participation when he finished dead last. Unless something shady is going on; then it's the worst story ever.
Oh Dan. I can't even think who would be a suitable third to a dream podium with him and Kwaito. PhilGil seems too much of a longshot to dare hope.
And now I've probably jinxed it and it'll be Valverde, Nibali, and some random from Topsport-Vlaanderen.
Obviously there's science and shit and I don't wish anyone harm, but the car racing is delayed right now because of a slight drizzle. Like I'm not even sure it's actively raining at the moment.
I mean, Le Blaireau lost a finger didn't he?
Anyway, meanwhile Cav takes Stage 1 in Turkey!
Break down to 2 and a half minutes.
Waiting for car racing to stop and coverage to start...
My interest is momentarily piqued though: Is there ACTUALLY a car racer called Martin Van Buren??
Dan Wuori is as bored as I am.
This is getting annoying now. There's no sign of this stupid car racing ending and it's 8 minutes past broadcast time.
Oh may have got it now; a caffeine shampoo ad in Italian is a good sign. What a sport.
Ouch a few breakaways being caught by Astana-lead peloton. A few still have under a minute up the road.
Bit annoying that the only feed to be found is in Italian. But maybe I'm being saved from Carlton Kirby.
Incredible language. Wish I understood it.
Though maybe I do speak Italian: "Daniel Martin is a favourite" I just puzzled out.
They're letting those poor fools hang out out front at 30 seconds.
Onto the Cote de Stockeu for the break.
Mess for some Topsports at the base of the climb. Looks like a mechanical and bike swap.
Someone from Astana going off the front now. Andriy Grivko?
That Monument Eddy Merckx is a bit weird.
Technically, I guess.
Gorka Izzagire is off after Grivko.
And now a GreenEdge??
Tim Wellens losing contact at the back. Belgian Ted, stay strong!!
Ah it's A YATES in hot pursuit!! Not A. Yates, to be clear; S. Yates.
And all of a sudden it's English Eurosport coverage.
Merciful god it's not Carlton Kirby. They often pair Rob Hatch with the World's Dullest Man Sean Kelly; he's rather good at prodding him for contributions I have to say.
They're saying Belgian Ted just had a mechanical back there and is moving back up no problem. WHEW.
There's a sort of elite chase group that's formed here. Lots of Astanas (though not the Shark?), Styby and another OPQS (not Kwiato they claim), and Nico Roche.
PHILGIL spotted! Where are you Phil?
Original break has now been caught by this elite group, making something like 20 riders up ahead.
Belgian Ted has made contact with the peloton again.
It's a curious old accent Sean Yates has. They're chatting to him in the Saxo-Tinkoff car.
Col du Rosier now.
These descriptions of Mt Tiede make me feel like there should be a cycling-based murder mystery set there. Basically like The Shining, with bikes.
What's happening with Styby here? Signalling for service. In the normal fashion, not the Charly fashion, sadly.
Stevo Cummings there too? Party at the back!
It was all too much. Power just went out across the whole commentary block. But order has been restored now.
Heading towards the Maquisard now. EXCELLENTLY named and rather difficult.
46k to go with three ahead at under a minute.
Bit of a mess back here. Rafael Valls Ferri shouting 'wheel wheel wheel' as a wheel lies in the road.
MICHAL!!
He and Styby should always ride side by side cuz they look so good.
I am SO INTO the white jersey/black shorts combo, CLEARLY.
Ohhhhhh enormous crash.
Sky on the floor. OH IT'S NICO!! and Nathan Haas!!! and DAN MARTIN!!! And Wee Pierre!
OH Nicoooooooo is lying on the ground.
What even happened there?!?!?!
Dan styled it out a bit there. He's going over and manages to set himself down in a bit of a squat. He was at least standing up rather quickly, if not going anywhere. I think it's Nathan sitting in that ditch.
Nico is standing up now but being supported.
What is this now!??
A GreenEdge-- It's Simon Gerrans!! He was just in that big crash and is now on the ground again! He was just lying in the road but then got up and moved to sit on the curb. This is all very strange.
The race is still going on ahead. They're on La Redoute. Only 2 away now with the peloton at 19'.
You know, VDV.
I just want Kwiato to stay upright. Winning would be a bonus.
Kosta in pursuit?
Looks like he's shot off the front of the elite little group chasing the front 2.
Ahahaha, Dan says what we're all thinking. (Looks like the original tweet listing Froomey in the crash has now been deleted)
Sad face. The only two climbs left are the Cote de la Roche-aux-Faucons and Cote de Saint-Nicholas. NICO WE LOVE YOU HEAL UP!!!
Also, Roche-aux-Faucons?? As opposed to vrai cons?
Hey PhilGil is in this elite group!!!
Kosta back in the group.
Lost live pictures again.
Oh sick. No wonder.
22.7k to go. Break has been caught and we've got this select group still going. About 45 riders they say.
I think a rider just went across a speed camera check and was clocked as obeying the law.
Oh Dan. Confirmed to be out as well. This happened at least once before, when Nico and Dan had a wee family reunion when they both ended up in the same hospital and Nico sent an apologetic tweet along the lines of "Sorry Dan!!!!!!! For taking you down!!!!!!!"
Roman Kreuziger off the front. Being chased by Caruso.
Wee Jakob counter attacking.
Visconti goes and Alaphilippe goes too and now the whole peloton is freaking out.
Sammy Sanchez representing BMC??!! GO SAMMY.
Jakob has joined Kreuziger and Caruso at the front.
Being chased by Rui Costa, Alaphilippe, Visconti, Moreno and an AG2R? Where did Sammy Sanchez go?
It's started raining now so pictures a bit more unclear.
Stevo Cummings with Lil Tom and A Yates at the back.
OH GOD MICHAL is at the front now.
It's all moving all over the place.
Classic Lil Tom! He was at the back and 10 seconds later LAUNCHES an attack!
Nothing really going here. The three are ahead and the peloton are mostly grouped together with a few riders dangling off the front in turn.
9k to go.
Stybar POWERING IT OUT on the front! What a beast!
Yeah Valv.Piti does have 'more podiums than you care to mention', cuz I don't care to mention any of them.
Lots of OPQSs still there.
Oh jesus they're onto the Cote de Saint-Nicolas now.
Classic Shark of Messina, he's off the front.
Yikes, those three up front are now caught.
Oh Phil. Being dropped with his bandaged arm and he's fighting to stay in there.
5.7k to go.
BMCs dropping like flies.
WHAT'S THIS NOW. KWIATO dropped?!!!!?? Nooooooooooo.
Romain Bardet trying to get away. Splits everywhere.
Under 3k.
Under 2k.
Nibali has managed to get back on this front group.
Or has he?
They're coming to Dan Martin corner.
Moreno is getting ahead bigtime here! What the hell is this finish!?
UGHHHHHH Vavl.Piti is chasing???? This is THE WORST.
Moreno caught.
Alaphilippe still there!!
OH JESUS HERE IT COMES.
OH JESUS I HATE THIS
...
Phil you tiny hero. He comes rolling in very respectably there with his sweet face.
Alaphilippe congratulating Valv.Piti there, because he has manners. And then seeing a camera and running away. HE'S TRYING TO SLIP YOU BLOODBAGS JULIEN DON'T BE TAKEN IN.
Excellent reacting by Alaphillippe on the line there.
How 'bout him!!!
WUORI KNOWS.
The ONE TIME we have time for post-race interviews.
Oh but this is adorable, it's time for podiums and Alaphilippe is chattin' on his phone.
Tiny Cigar doesn't know which step to go to.
Alaphilippe chattin' away with the Badger on the podium. So excellent.
Alaphilippe gave it a fucking good go there at the end. I'm gonna pretend he won.
Update: Oh COME ON!! He won.
Update later: Nico is ok!!! When the world's loveliest man is ok, we are all ok.
Sammy, don't go!
THE CUTEST. I CANNOT BE OBJECTIVE I WANT HIM TO WIN EVERYTHING.
I'm kind of obsessed with this picture of Alex Howes. It feels epic and dramatic.
The Ride Journal knows.
Got a breakaway of 8 now.
Mmmm. Tough group to pick a fave. Clement Chevrier has the best name and is riding for IAM.
UHH IS THIS HIM??! Is he 8 years old??
How can you not root for IAM when this good lookin' dude is riding today. (I mean that hair alone!)
I love this team I could not love them more.
Nico Roche is here for Sky, cuz obviously.
Will he go away on La-Roche-en-Ardenne? The Cote de Saint-Roch? Roche-aux-Faucons? or the Cote de Saint-Nicolas?? IT'S ALL TO PLAY FOR.
Is Paul drunk? But yeah the weather does look very dramatic out there.
In the wait for live coverage, I have discovered there is another Michal Kwiatkowski. Who sort of seems like he could be related to Nathan Haas? ... It's really boring when there are no updates.
I'm sort of lukewarm toward the Shark of Messina, but if he won today it would be a nice little bookend to his first participation when he finished dead last. Unless something shady is going on; then it's the worst story ever.
Oh Dan. I can't even think who would be a suitable third to a dream podium with him and Kwaito. PhilGil seems too much of a longshot to dare hope.
And now I've probably jinxed it and it'll be Valverde, Nibali, and some random from Topsport-Vlaanderen.
Obviously there's science and shit and I don't wish anyone harm, but the car racing is delayed right now because of a slight drizzle. Like I'm not even sure it's actively raining at the moment.
I mean, Le Blaireau lost a finger didn't he?
Anyway, meanwhile Cav takes Stage 1 in Turkey!
Break down to 2 and a half minutes.
Waiting for car racing to stop and coverage to start...
My interest is momentarily piqued though: Is there ACTUALLY a car racer called Martin Van Buren??
Dan Wuori is as bored as I am.
This is getting annoying now. There's no sign of this stupid car racing ending and it's 8 minutes past broadcast time.
Oh may have got it now; a caffeine shampoo ad in Italian is a good sign. What a sport.
Ouch a few breakaways being caught by Astana-lead peloton. A few still have under a minute up the road.
Bit annoying that the only feed to be found is in Italian. But maybe I'm being saved from Carlton Kirby.
Incredible language. Wish I understood it.
Though maybe I do speak Italian: "Daniel Martin is a favourite" I just puzzled out.
They're letting those poor fools hang out out front at 30 seconds.
Onto the Cote de Stockeu for the break.
Mess for some Topsports at the base of the climb. Looks like a mechanical and bike swap.
Someone from Astana going off the front now. Andriy Grivko?
That Monument Eddy Merckx is a bit weird.
Technically, I guess.
Gorka Izzagire is off after Grivko.
And now a GreenEdge??
Tim Wellens losing contact at the back. Belgian Ted, stay strong!!
Ah it's A YATES in hot pursuit!! Not A. Yates, to be clear; S. Yates.
And all of a sudden it's English Eurosport coverage.
Merciful god it's not Carlton Kirby. They often pair Rob Hatch with the World's Dullest Man Sean Kelly; he's rather good at prodding him for contributions I have to say.
They're saying Belgian Ted just had a mechanical back there and is moving back up no problem. WHEW.
There's a sort of elite chase group that's formed here. Lots of Astanas (though not the Shark?), Styby and another OPQS (not Kwiato they claim), and Nico Roche.
PHILGIL spotted! Where are you Phil?
Original break has now been caught by this elite group, making something like 20 riders up ahead.
Belgian Ted has made contact with the peloton again.
It's a curious old accent Sean Yates has. They're chatting to him in the Saxo-Tinkoff car.
Col du Rosier now.
These descriptions of Mt Tiede make me feel like there should be a cycling-based murder mystery set there. Basically like The Shining, with bikes.
What's happening with Styby here? Signalling for service. In the normal fashion, not the Charly fashion, sadly.
Stevo Cummings there too? Party at the back!
It was all too much. Power just went out across the whole commentary block. But order has been restored now.
Heading towards the Maquisard now. EXCELLENTLY named and rather difficult.
46k to go with three ahead at under a minute.
Bit of a mess back here. Rafael Valls Ferri shouting 'wheel wheel wheel' as a wheel lies in the road.
MICHAL!!
He and Styby should always ride side by side cuz they look so good.
I am SO INTO the white jersey/black shorts combo, CLEARLY.
Ohhhhhh enormous crash.
Sky on the floor. OH IT'S NICO!! and Nathan Haas!!! and DAN MARTIN!!! And Wee Pierre!
OH Nicoooooooo is lying on the ground.
What even happened there?!?!?!
Dan styled it out a bit there. He's going over and manages to set himself down in a bit of a squat. He was at least standing up rather quickly, if not going anywhere. I think it's Nathan sitting in that ditch.
Nico is standing up now but being supported.
What is this now!??
A GreenEdge-- It's Simon Gerrans!! He was just in that big crash and is now on the ground again! He was just lying in the road but then got up and moved to sit on the curb. This is all very strange.
The race is still going on ahead. They're on La Redoute. Only 2 away now with the peloton at 19'.
You know, VDV.
I just want Kwiato to stay upright. Winning would be a bonus.
Kosta in pursuit?
Looks like he's shot off the front of the elite little group chasing the front 2.
Ahahaha, Dan says what we're all thinking. (Looks like the original tweet listing Froomey in the crash has now been deleted)
Sad face. The only two climbs left are the Cote de la Roche-aux-Faucons and Cote de Saint-Nicholas. NICO WE LOVE YOU HEAL UP!!!
Also, Roche-aux-Faucons?? As opposed to vrai cons?
Hey PhilGil is in this elite group!!!
Kosta back in the group.
Lost live pictures again.
Oh sick. No wonder.
22.7k to go. Break has been caught and we've got this select group still going. About 45 riders they say.
I think a rider just went across a speed camera check and was clocked as obeying the law.
Oh Dan. Confirmed to be out as well. This happened at least once before, when Nico and Dan had a wee family reunion when they both ended up in the same hospital and Nico sent an apologetic tweet along the lines of "Sorry Dan!!!!!!! For taking you down!!!!!!!"
Roman Kreuziger off the front. Being chased by Caruso.
Wee Jakob counter attacking.
Visconti goes and Alaphilippe goes too and now the whole peloton is freaking out.
Sammy Sanchez representing BMC??!! GO SAMMY.
Jakob has joined Kreuziger and Caruso at the front.
Being chased by Rui Costa, Alaphilippe, Visconti, Moreno and an AG2R? Where did Sammy Sanchez go?
It's started raining now so pictures a bit more unclear.
Stevo Cummings with Lil Tom and A Yates at the back.
OH GOD MICHAL is at the front now.
It's all moving all over the place.
Classic Lil Tom! He was at the back and 10 seconds later LAUNCHES an attack!
Nothing really going here. The three are ahead and the peloton are mostly grouped together with a few riders dangling off the front in turn.
9k to go.
Stybar POWERING IT OUT on the front! What a beast!
Yeah Valv.Piti does have 'more podiums than you care to mention', cuz I don't care to mention any of them.
Lots of OPQSs still there.
Oh jesus they're onto the Cote de Saint-Nicolas now.
Classic Shark of Messina, he's off the front.
Yikes, those three up front are now caught.
Oh Phil. Being dropped with his bandaged arm and he's fighting to stay in there.
5.7k to go.
BMCs dropping like flies.
WHAT'S THIS NOW. KWIATO dropped?!!!!?? Nooooooooooo.
Romain Bardet trying to get away. Splits everywhere.
Under 3k.
Under 2k.
Nibali has managed to get back on this front group.
Or has he?
They're coming to Dan Martin corner.
Moreno is getting ahead bigtime here! What the hell is this finish!?
UGHHHHHH Vavl.Piti is chasing???? This is THE WORST.
Moreno caught.
Alaphilippe still there!!
OH JESUS HERE IT COMES.
OH JESUS I HATE THIS
...
Phil you tiny hero. He comes rolling in very respectably there with his sweet face.
Alaphilippe congratulating Valv.Piti there, because he has manners. And then seeing a camera and running away. HE'S TRYING TO SLIP YOU BLOODBAGS JULIEN DON'T BE TAKEN IN.
Excellent reacting by Alaphillippe on the line there.
How 'bout him!!!
WUORI KNOWS.
The ONE TIME we have time for post-race interviews.
Oh but this is adorable, it's time for podiums and Alaphilippe is chattin' on his phone.
Tiny Cigar doesn't know which step to go to.
Alaphilippe chattin' away with the Badger on the podium. So excellent.
Alaphilippe gave it a fucking good go there at the end. I'm gonna pretend he won.
Update: Oh COME ON!! He won.
Update later: Nico is ok!!! When the world's loveliest man is ok, we are all ok.
Wednesday, 22 April 2015
Fleche and Blood
Fleche Wallonne:
Nice one, La Fleche.
No pressure, Kwiato but I LOVE YOU AND HOPE YOU WIN.
Bike racing is so chill.
Tim Wellens kind of has a similar profile toTed King.
Oh Ted, WE ARE SENDING YOU GOOD AND HEALING VIBES!
Breakaway of 7, with 8 mintutes on the peloton.
A look through the peloton and Wilco Kelderman is centre-middle of the pack. The LottoNL are desperate for a win and the young Dutchman is their best hope for today. Oh god, THIS Wilco Kelderman??
The most pleasant-faced man in the peloton, Sammy Sanchez, was limping around the start after taking a tumble in Amstel Gold. When lovely people are hurting, WE HURT.
DAN! GO DAN.
The break are approaching the Cote de Bellaire now.
Wow. If you ever want to nap, put on the audio commentary of snooker. Struggling to keep my eyes open here.
I LOVE HIM CAN HE WIN EVERY RACE PLEASE.
“I have a lot of emotion after winning Amstel on Sunday, so it has been difficult to concentrate. Since Monday, I’ve been really focussed on today’s race, so let’s hope it’s enough to do something today. I don’t know if I’ve recovered but we’ll see how it goes,” said Kwiatkowski.
There is too much cuteness out there about him, I can't be objective!!!
I'm in love with that Huy road paint font too, I wanna get a slab of that road on my wall as art.
Hokaaaaaay, CHANGE COVERAGE NOW, you promised!!
We've reached the halfway point of the race, the break still has 6 and a half minutes lead.
There's always that moment of confusion on twitter when there are multiple races going on at the same time. Richie Porte is racing Fleche Wallonne?!?! Ryder Hesjedal bridged to the 7 man break?!!?
GOD DAMN YOU CARLTON KIRBY.
Fleche Wallonne are cray for emoticons. I LOVE IT. I think emoticon coverage in the new wave in commentary.
I mean it's already more eloquent than Carlton Kirby.
There's also some really fucking excellent sass going on from OPQS down there too!
Some ENORMOUS BEAST in the field just there. What the hell could that even have been? It looks like something made in a lab.
Was there a wee crash there? Some Lottos chasing back on and I thought I saw a Garmin waylaid on the side of the road.
Oh no!!! Not Belgian Ted!
And the Garmin was Ben King! What is all this Ted-related misfortune??
Mur de Huy for the first time of asking (though certainly not the last time of mentioning CARLTON KIRBY).
Oh my god, Dan has come down very badly. He looks in terrible pain and is limping around and not getting back on his bike.
Looks like Tiago Machado went down and dominoed a few people at the base of the climb. Riders were all over the pavement trying to get through.
Possibly Dan and whoever stopped with him have joined back on at the back there cresting the Huy? Let's hope!
Oh Dan. It's very all or nothing with Dan.
Cyclingnews say Dan crossed the Huy a minute down on the peloton so I guess that wasn't him following close behind. He's got two teammates keeping him company. Come on Dan!
I can't cope. I really want Dan to win now.
I am too sentimental for bike racing. It's all so emotional.
Aww Dan, he's hanging at the back. This is like the Fleche Martin. Or Dan Wallonne?
But honestly nothing else is going on.
Wee Pete Kennaugh on the front. But (wee) Dan Martin at the back. He's got Bling Matthews for company though.
We're headin' back to Bellaire. (I actually don't know the lyrics to that theme tune).
I would support more black shorts/white jersey combos. I am IN LOVE with Kwiato's rainbow kit and Wee Pete Kennaugh looks equally cool in his Engerland whites.
The break is breaking apart. Seems De Ghent is pushing the pace and dropping people left and right.
People coming unhitched in the peloton too.
An OPQSer driving the pace for Kwiato up front. Some Sky's right behind.
Etixx-QuickStep join the pace-making with world champion Michal Kwiatkowski sitting comfortably in second wheel. A number of riders are being dumped out the back of the bunch by this forcing, though Dan Martin is still safely aboard. Cyclingnews know there's only two people I care about.
Break is down to five men with 3 minutes 15.
Oh my GOD. NOT PHILGIL TOO!!!!!
He's reluctant to get back on. He's not even pedalling and they're just shoving him down the road. Missing half his shorts.
Chris Jones got in the UHC car. Sad face.
Oh Phil. He's had to abandon. Why are kindly-faced people being hurt all the time all of a sudden!!?
I thought up the title earlier in the day but now I think I've somehow hexed everyone.
Katusha are really fancying their luck today. They've been on the front all day.
Gap is down to under 2 minutes.
EVERY TIME I click back over to the feed someone else is on the floor!!!!
Anthony Roux looks to be out, as does Wout Poels. And there was a BMC in a ditch there for awhile.
And Ben King AGAIN.
Reporting everyone but Anthony Roux is up and chasing. The BMC was Amael Moinard.
A lovely u-turn around a picturesque farmhouse here. Provided everyone stays upright and no one pitches over round the bend.
Man, looks like they're pounding along here.
Not waiting around for our man Dan who I think has been distanced.
YOU ARE KIDDING ME.
Now it's Jelle on the floor!!!
And a Katusha that seems very injured.
Jelle is just sat on a bench on the side of the road now.
Meanwhile the break are onto the Huy again.
Is it Bretagne-Seche wearing Garmin-like colours? Confusing.
People are making moves now. I think the Witch Doctor just went off the front over the top of the Huy.
Oh my goodness. Someone (I think the Katusha) was just being loaded into the ambulance on a stretcher.
Ah it's LL Sanchez and Giovanni Visconti away with I think the UHC from the original break, who's dropped back.
So just 2 up the road with 39 seconds and 27k to go.
OPQS are out in force on the front to try and shut that down.
Those three have caught the front two.
Arrowage IS better.
Tony the Tank Engine is instructing his troops.
Awwwww Jelle has abandoned.
I mean he couldn't really have been expected to go on without Phil.
Lots of competing trains here at the front.
WHAAAAAAT? Attack Tejay Van??!!!!! YAAAAAS!!
OPQS killin' it with Kwiato looking very comfortable up there.
It's now just LL Sanchez and Visconti away ahead.
16k to go.
Tejay is out for the kill though.
Aww looks like the catch for Teej.
But I mean you can't outrun OPQS. That's like, one of the laws of nature.
Etixx-QuickStep have been very prominent in leading the peloton. They have understandable trust in the prospects of world champion and Amstel Gold Race winner Michal Kwiatkowski.
An enormous pileup. All of IAM, some BMCs, Froomey.
Froomey's back up but with a huge wound on his ass.
And reports one of the BMCs was Sammy Sanchez.
This is just insanity now.
7.4k to go. Gentlemen, start your engines.
They're on this new Cote de Cherave now. Kwiato sittin' pretty.
Of course the Shark attacks.
And Tim Wellens now trying something!!
Carouso from Katusha giving chase but Lotto-Soudal love a solo heroic!
2.5k to go. Mur de Huy comes at 1.3k.
He'll need a bit of time at the start of the climb but it's going out a bit!
Oh god he's there.
A GreenEdge tried a move but my god is it hard out there. He's caught almost immediately.
Belgian Ted is caught. A select peloton all together now!
This is killing me, I want to cover my eyes like it's a horror film!!
Oh no. It IS like a horror film. Valv.Piti is pulling ahead.
There's a GreenEdge and and OPQS on his shoulder but they can't seem to come round him!!
There's a Garmindale too!
NOOOO I HATE THIS AFTER ALL THAT.
What a waste of a day.
Fucking NICE ONE from Alaphilippe though! Well done young padawan!
And TJ Butcher in for 9th!
Small victories, I guess. To Liege!
Nice one, La Fleche.
No pressure, Kwiato but I LOVE YOU AND HOPE YOU WIN.
Bike racing is so chill.
Tim Wellens kind of has a similar profile toTed King.
Oh Ted, WE ARE SENDING YOU GOOD AND HEALING VIBES!
Breakaway of 7, with 8 mintutes on the peloton.
A look through the peloton and Wilco Kelderman is centre-middle of the pack. The LottoNL are desperate for a win and the young Dutchman is their best hope for today. Oh god, THIS Wilco Kelderman??
The most pleasant-faced man in the peloton, Sammy Sanchez, was limping around the start after taking a tumble in Amstel Gold. When lovely people are hurting, WE HURT.
DAN! GO DAN.
The break are approaching the Cote de Bellaire now.
Wow. If you ever want to nap, put on the audio commentary of snooker. Struggling to keep my eyes open here.
I LOVE HIM CAN HE WIN EVERY RACE PLEASE.
“I have a lot of emotion after winning Amstel on Sunday, so it has been difficult to concentrate. Since Monday, I’ve been really focussed on today’s race, so let’s hope it’s enough to do something today. I don’t know if I’ve recovered but we’ll see how it goes,” said Kwiatkowski.
There is too much cuteness out there about him, I can't be objective!!!
I'm in love with that Huy road paint font too, I wanna get a slab of that road on my wall as art.
Hokaaaaaay, CHANGE COVERAGE NOW, you promised!!
We've reached the halfway point of the race, the break still has 6 and a half minutes lead.
There's always that moment of confusion on twitter when there are multiple races going on at the same time. Richie Porte is racing Fleche Wallonne?!?! Ryder Hesjedal bridged to the 7 man break?!!?
GOD DAMN YOU CARLTON KIRBY.
Fleche Wallonne are cray for emoticons. I LOVE IT. I think emoticon coverage in the new wave in commentary.
I mean it's already more eloquent than Carlton Kirby.
There's also some really fucking excellent sass going on from OPQS down there too!
Some ENORMOUS BEAST in the field just there. What the hell could that even have been? It looks like something made in a lab.
Was there a wee crash there? Some Lottos chasing back on and I thought I saw a Garmin waylaid on the side of the road.
Oh no!!! Not Belgian Ted!
And the Garmin was Ben King! What is all this Ted-related misfortune??
Mur de Huy for the first time of asking (though certainly not the last time of mentioning CARLTON KIRBY).
Oh my god, Dan has come down very badly. He looks in terrible pain and is limping around and not getting back on his bike.
Looks like Tiago Machado went down and dominoed a few people at the base of the climb. Riders were all over the pavement trying to get through.
Possibly Dan and whoever stopped with him have joined back on at the back there cresting the Huy? Let's hope!
Oh Dan. It's very all or nothing with Dan.
Cyclingnews say Dan crossed the Huy a minute down on the peloton so I guess that wasn't him following close behind. He's got two teammates keeping him company. Come on Dan!
I can't cope. I really want Dan to win now.
I am too sentimental for bike racing. It's all so emotional.
Aww Dan, he's hanging at the back. This is like the Fleche Martin. Or Dan Wallonne?
But honestly nothing else is going on.
Wee Pete Kennaugh on the front. But (wee) Dan Martin at the back. He's got Bling Matthews for company though.
We're headin' back to Bellaire. (I actually don't know the lyrics to that theme tune).
I would support more black shorts/white jersey combos. I am IN LOVE with Kwiato's rainbow kit and Wee Pete Kennaugh looks equally cool in his Engerland whites.
The break is breaking apart. Seems De Ghent is pushing the pace and dropping people left and right.
People coming unhitched in the peloton too.
An OPQSer driving the pace for Kwiato up front. Some Sky's right behind.
Etixx-QuickStep join the pace-making with world champion Michal Kwiatkowski sitting comfortably in second wheel. A number of riders are being dumped out the back of the bunch by this forcing, though Dan Martin is still safely aboard. Cyclingnews know there's only two people I care about.
Break is down to five men with 3 minutes 15.
Oh my GOD. NOT PHILGIL TOO!!!!!
He's reluctant to get back on. He's not even pedalling and they're just shoving him down the road. Missing half his shorts.
Chris Jones got in the UHC car. Sad face.
Oh Phil. He's had to abandon. Why are kindly-faced people being hurt all the time all of a sudden!!?
I thought up the title earlier in the day but now I think I've somehow hexed everyone.
Katusha are really fancying their luck today. They've been on the front all day.
Gap is down to under 2 minutes.
EVERY TIME I click back over to the feed someone else is on the floor!!!!
Anthony Roux looks to be out, as does Wout Poels. And there was a BMC in a ditch there for awhile.
And Ben King AGAIN.
Reporting everyone but Anthony Roux is up and chasing. The BMC was Amael Moinard.
A lovely u-turn around a picturesque farmhouse here. Provided everyone stays upright and no one pitches over round the bend.
Man, looks like they're pounding along here.
Not waiting around for our man Dan who I think has been distanced.
YOU ARE KIDDING ME.
Now it's Jelle on the floor!!!
And a Katusha that seems very injured.
Jelle is just sat on a bench on the side of the road now.
Meanwhile the break are onto the Huy again.
Is it Bretagne-Seche wearing Garmin-like colours? Confusing.
People are making moves now. I think the Witch Doctor just went off the front over the top of the Huy.
Oh my goodness. Someone (I think the Katusha) was just being loaded into the ambulance on a stretcher.
Ah it's LL Sanchez and Giovanni Visconti away with I think the UHC from the original break, who's dropped back.
So just 2 up the road with 39 seconds and 27k to go.
OPQS are out in force on the front to try and shut that down.
Those three have caught the front two.
Arrowage IS better.
Tony the Tank Engine is instructing his troops.
Awwwww Jelle has abandoned.
I mean he couldn't really have been expected to go on without Phil.
Lots of competing trains here at the front.
WHAAAAAAT? Attack Tejay Van??!!!!! YAAAAAS!!
OPQS killin' it with Kwiato looking very comfortable up there.
It's now just LL Sanchez and Visconti away ahead.
16k to go.
Tejay is out for the kill though.
Aww looks like the catch for Teej.
But I mean you can't outrun OPQS. That's like, one of the laws of nature.
Etixx-QuickStep have been very prominent in leading the peloton. They have understandable trust in the prospects of world champion and Amstel Gold Race winner Michal Kwiatkowski.
An enormous pileup. All of IAM, some BMCs, Froomey.
Froomey's back up but with a huge wound on his ass.
And reports one of the BMCs was Sammy Sanchez.
This is just insanity now.
7.4k to go. Gentlemen, start your engines.
They're on this new Cote de Cherave now. Kwiato sittin' pretty.
Of course the Shark attacks.
And Tim Wellens now trying something!!
Carouso from Katusha giving chase but Lotto-Soudal love a solo heroic!
2.5k to go. Mur de Huy comes at 1.3k.
He'll need a bit of time at the start of the climb but it's going out a bit!
Oh god he's there.
A GreenEdge tried a move but my god is it hard out there. He's caught almost immediately.
Belgian Ted is caught. A select peloton all together now!
This is killing me, I want to cover my eyes like it's a horror film!!
Oh no. It IS like a horror film. Valv.Piti is pulling ahead.
There's a GreenEdge and and OPQS on his shoulder but they can't seem to come round him!!
There's a Garmindale too!
NOOOO I HATE THIS AFTER ALL THAT.
What a waste of a day.
Fucking NICE ONE from Alaphilippe though! Well done young padawan!
And TJ Butcher in for 9th!
Small victories, I guess. To Liege!
Sunday, 19 April 2015
The Pot of Gold at the End of the Rainbow
Amstel Gold:
MANY hours still to go til live coverage, but of course we've got a break going.
Of note: Mike Terpstra, baby bro of Niki!
And not even the first Mike Terpstra that comes up on Google.
There was also possibly the greatest name in cycling there for a minute, Johann Van Van Zyl, but the extra Van turned out to be a typo. Alas.
The wait for live coverage is always a bit of a bitch.
I thought I was watching a Dutch soap opera. I was momentarily enthralled. Whoever that man was had a very dramatic face.
I'm not sure what this programming is. It's a bunch of dudes running around in short pink shorts to the sounds of "I'm Too Sexy". Not this, I'm afraid. That I could get on board with.
Jelle and Dennis have both taken a tumble but are back in the peloton.
I wish they'd stop mentioning that Lotto-Jumbo are the only WT team without a win so far this season. THEY TRY SO HARD.
Has England won something?? Why are they playing God Save the Queen??
Oh it's the podiums of something Superbike. COME ON. CHANGE COVERAGE.
Oh god. It's Carlton Kirby.
Oh but Dan Lloyd too, he tends to be decent.
Bauke and Frank Schleck signing on there.
MICHAL!!!!
Burghy standing next to PhilGil.
Koen de Kort smiling, obvs.
WEE PETE KENNAUGH.
Almost literally everyone in this race is amazing.
The Blaireau just shot off a gun.
It was all a bit too much there for a moment with that catch-up. My heart nearly exploded.
Woah.
Aww man down. A Giant and Jelle got a bit tangled on that corner. Nothing major it didn't look like.
Very little is going on at the moment. The break is still out, the peloton are moving along at a very swift pace behind.
BURGHY leading the way!!
He loves a yellow shoe, Burghy. So easy to identify at distance.
Carlton Kirby's commentary has a realllll somnambulant quality. He's talking AT LENGTH about boiled sweets right now.
GOSSY IS HERE?!! GO GOSSY.
Movistar are all over the front but I don't care to mention that because I don't care to mention ValvPiti possibly 'winning' this.
Mike Terpstra should probably start writing his autobiography, Miki Not Niki, as soon as possible.
Bike racers, they're just like us.
LARS BOOM LET YOU DOWN?!!!?!? SHUT UP CARLTON KIRBY. That MURDER stage of the TdF and FIFTH in Paris-Roubaix isn't GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU?!!
"I thought it was an attack but it was just Marcus Burghardt coming to the front for a second." So manly. His regular bike riding looks like attacking.
Gap down to 1'30 now.
BMC are SWARMING all over the front. It seems like they've fielded a larger team than everyone else.
What a bunch of dudes.
Some Wanty Group Gouberts went off road there and onto a bike path. They were kind of trapped behind a hedge and seemed panicked but cut back through eventually.
A GreenEdge shoved a camera bike out of Michal's face just then. Oh it's kicking off.
FUCKING HELL. The bike was trying to wave off a car (AGAIN!) and managed to drift back and almost TAKE OUT POOR MICHAL.
OH.
INJURIES AND MENACE between Roy Curvers and an IAM.
Reynes has a coming together at the back of the peloton with a Giant-Alpecin rider. Couldn't see who it was but Reynes kindly identifies him as 'asshole' as they exchange a few frank words before riding off again.
Meanwhile, Burghy still killin' it up front. Even the useless commentary team have noticed and are praising him.
Big GreenEdge presence at the front now.
Oh my god that pennant man is taking his life into his own hands. He's standing in the middle of a traffic island as 200 bike riders speed towards him with nothing but a flag to protect himself. COME AT ME BRO.
Who was that piss taker trying to cut that corner??
The break has alternately 14 seconds and 3'30 minutes, depending on the tv graphic.
Probably being run by Carlton Kirby, who has no insight into bike racing and therefore can ONLY talk about how there haven't really been crashes. FOR HOURS ON END.
I hope BMC aren't doing a Sky and working away all day up front only to have nothing left at the end.
OOOOP. ATTACK.
An IAM, a GreenEdge, and a BMC walk into a bar...
Tony Martin is also there??!
Yikes they got some air there. IAM and Simon Clarke with the remnants of the breakaway ahead.
Behind them a bit are Tony, the BMC and a Garmindale with two others?
Lots of Astanas in the chase group too.
One of which is THE SHARK OF MESSINA.
ALEX HOWES IS IN THE CHASE GROUP?!!!!
That Tour of Azerbaijan promo music doesn't do anything to calm my already swiftly beating heart.
Awww Lotto-Jumbo's luck continues, Wilco Keldermann went off road in a big way.
IAM and GreenEdge away alone up front now.
Ugh you can see that 22% gradient.
10 seconds behind those front two are Nibali et al.
Man alive they're right on them actually.
Peloton at near a minute behind that.
OH MY GOD.
TERRIBLE WIPE OUT AT THE CORNER
AWWWW the Astana that's not Nibali went down and BMC Damiano Caruso!!
God meanwhile racing is ON. The Nibali group caught the front two and Nibali tried an attack but all together now.
Alex Howes fighting like a beast.
Nibali is gesturing all OVER the place.
I know he's won the Tour de France, but he also makes a lot of misguided, useless attacks. Not sure I'd follow his game plan.
Despite the shouting. Which is still going on.
Everyone shovelling gels down before the Cauberg.
32 seconds with 23k to go.
Tony Martin is looking so chill on this climb.
Awww but Alex looks like he's coming unhitched.
BMC STOMPING up the hill.
Oh what a terrible image of Alex out in no man's land.
And being swallowed up by the BMC train.
BMC ARE KILLLLLLLLLLIN'. It is so strung out!
Oooof, they're gonna make the catch.
Nibali, naturally, making one last go for it.
Simon Clark and Tony Martin go with.
Weirdness abounds. Tony just shook his head at Nibali and now Simon Clark has gone away alone.
Amazing. Nibali seemed to gesture 'Well YOU go then', and Clark did.
13k but still 2 climbs.
"BMC aren't going to stop until they've got everybody back." That makes them sound like a killing squad. Which they kind of are.
OMFG Luke Rowe as if I could love you more.
Legitimately the pro peloton are reading my mind.
How do BMC still have so many guys left?!!?
FUCKING HELL HE SAID IT AGAIN!!
AND LITERALLY AGAIN I CAN'T DEAL.
Simon Clarke caught. All together.
Wee Jakob goes away with Greg VanAv!
There's a few a bit behind them too, possibly Nathan Haas included??
But looks like that group is basically caught.
Yeah they're caught.
Jakob and Greg then, at 6k with 6 seconds.
('Last time of asking', once more)
(SERIOUSLY again.)
(I could kill this man.)
Ooof five seconds for those two. I mean, they're practically on them.
4k, this is insane.
Caught.
GreenEdge and BMC trains fighting at the front.
Kwiato is sitting on the back of the GreenEdge train.
GREEN EDGE AHEAD BUT
BEN HERMANS LEADING OUT SOMETHING
GET YOUR HANDS OUT OF THERE
OH PHILGIL GOING GOING GOING
MICHAEL MATTHEWS STAYING ON HIS WHEEL
PHILGIL IS STAYING AHEAD
Kwiato is flagging in the back...
OH MY CHRIST
ugh valverde going
PHILGIL getting Michael Matthews to ride in front
FLAMME ROUGE
OH FUCK
Kwaito right behind with something from Katusha
There are so many people up there
Weaving over the road
There's like 20 people suddenly now
Wee Jakob got up there
There's a Garmindale there. DAN MARTIN
Weaving bobbing
COME ON BMC!!!!!
COME ON KWAITO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
THEY THOUGHT HE COULDN'T DO IT!!!!!!!!!!
I LOVE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He looks like he's weeping into a teammate's shoulder!!
AND A FIST BUMP with someone!
Fucking hell he came from far back!
But that initial shot was really deceptive!! He's like a full bike length up!
Tim knows.
He looked back before raising his arms up! How cute!
"A very pleasant young man", Dan Lloyd has just described him as. HEARTS.
I don't know what Elia is saying, but I AGREE!!!
MANY hours still to go til live coverage, but of course we've got a break going.
Of note: Mike Terpstra, baby bro of Niki!
And not even the first Mike Terpstra that comes up on Google.
There was also possibly the greatest name in cycling there for a minute, Johann Van Van Zyl, but the extra Van turned out to be a typo. Alas.
The wait for live coverage is always a bit of a bitch.
I thought I was watching a Dutch soap opera. I was momentarily enthralled. Whoever that man was had a very dramatic face.
I'm not sure what this programming is. It's a bunch of dudes running around in short pink shorts to the sounds of "I'm Too Sexy". Not this, I'm afraid. That I could get on board with.
Jelle and Dennis have both taken a tumble but are back in the peloton.
I wish they'd stop mentioning that Lotto-Jumbo are the only WT team without a win so far this season. THEY TRY SO HARD.
Has England won something?? Why are they playing God Save the Queen??
Oh it's the podiums of something Superbike. COME ON. CHANGE COVERAGE.
Oh god. It's Carlton Kirby.
Oh but Dan Lloyd too, he tends to be decent.
Bauke and Frank Schleck signing on there.
MICHAL!!!!
Burghy standing next to PhilGil.
Koen de Kort smiling, obvs.
WEE PETE KENNAUGH.
Almost literally everyone in this race is amazing.
The Blaireau just shot off a gun.
It was all a bit too much there for a moment with that catch-up. My heart nearly exploded.
Woah.
Aww man down. A Giant and Jelle got a bit tangled on that corner. Nothing major it didn't look like.
Very little is going on at the moment. The break is still out, the peloton are moving along at a very swift pace behind.
BURGHY leading the way!!
He loves a yellow shoe, Burghy. So easy to identify at distance.
Carlton Kirby's commentary has a realllll somnambulant quality. He's talking AT LENGTH about boiled sweets right now.
GOSSY IS HERE?!! GO GOSSY.
Movistar are all over the front but I don't care to mention that because I don't care to mention ValvPiti possibly 'winning' this.
Mike Terpstra should probably start writing his autobiography, Miki Not Niki, as soon as possible.
Bike racers, they're just like us.
LARS BOOM LET YOU DOWN?!!!?!? SHUT UP CARLTON KIRBY. That MURDER stage of the TdF and FIFTH in Paris-Roubaix isn't GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU?!!
"I thought it was an attack but it was just Marcus Burghardt coming to the front for a second." So manly. His regular bike riding looks like attacking.
Gap down to 1'30 now.
BMC are SWARMING all over the front. It seems like they've fielded a larger team than everyone else.
What a bunch of dudes.
Some Wanty Group Gouberts went off road there and onto a bike path. They were kind of trapped behind a hedge and seemed panicked but cut back through eventually.
A GreenEdge shoved a camera bike out of Michal's face just then. Oh it's kicking off.
FUCKING HELL. The bike was trying to wave off a car (AGAIN!) and managed to drift back and almost TAKE OUT POOR MICHAL.
OH.
INJURIES AND MENACE between Roy Curvers and an IAM.
Reynes has a coming together at the back of the peloton with a Giant-Alpecin rider. Couldn't see who it was but Reynes kindly identifies him as 'asshole' as they exchange a few frank words before riding off again.
Meanwhile, Burghy still killin' it up front. Even the useless commentary team have noticed and are praising him.
Big GreenEdge presence at the front now.
Oh my god that pennant man is taking his life into his own hands. He's standing in the middle of a traffic island as 200 bike riders speed towards him with nothing but a flag to protect himself. COME AT ME BRO.
Who was that piss taker trying to cut that corner??
The break has alternately 14 seconds and 3'30 minutes, depending on the tv graphic.
Probably being run by Carlton Kirby, who has no insight into bike racing and therefore can ONLY talk about how there haven't really been crashes. FOR HOURS ON END.
I hope BMC aren't doing a Sky and working away all day up front only to have nothing left at the end.
OOOOP. ATTACK.
An IAM, a GreenEdge, and a BMC walk into a bar...
Tony Martin is also there??!
Yikes they got some air there. IAM and Simon Clarke with the remnants of the breakaway ahead.
Behind them a bit are Tony, the BMC and a Garmindale with two others?
Lots of Astanas in the chase group too.
One of which is THE SHARK OF MESSINA.
ALEX HOWES IS IN THE CHASE GROUP?!!!!
That Tour of Azerbaijan promo music doesn't do anything to calm my already swiftly beating heart.
Awww Lotto-Jumbo's luck continues, Wilco Keldermann went off road in a big way.
IAM and GreenEdge away alone up front now.
Ugh you can see that 22% gradient.
10 seconds behind those front two are Nibali et al.
Man alive they're right on them actually.
Peloton at near a minute behind that.
OH MY GOD.
TERRIBLE WIPE OUT AT THE CORNER
AWWWW the Astana that's not Nibali went down and BMC Damiano Caruso!!
God meanwhile racing is ON. The Nibali group caught the front two and Nibali tried an attack but all together now.
Alex Howes fighting like a beast.
Nibali is gesturing all OVER the place.
I know he's won the Tour de France, but he also makes a lot of misguided, useless attacks. Not sure I'd follow his game plan.
Despite the shouting. Which is still going on.
Everyone shovelling gels down before the Cauberg.
32 seconds with 23k to go.
Tony Martin is looking so chill on this climb.
Awww but Alex looks like he's coming unhitched.
BMC STOMPING up the hill.
Oh what a terrible image of Alex out in no man's land.
And being swallowed up by the BMC train.
BMC ARE KILLLLLLLLLLIN'. It is so strung out!
Oooof, they're gonna make the catch.
Nibali, naturally, making one last go for it.
Simon Clark and Tony Martin go with.
Weirdness abounds. Tony just shook his head at Nibali and now Simon Clark has gone away alone.
Amazing. Nibali seemed to gesture 'Well YOU go then', and Clark did.
13k but still 2 climbs.
"BMC aren't going to stop until they've got everybody back." That makes them sound like a killing squad. Which they kind of are.
OMFG Luke Rowe as if I could love you more.
Legitimately the pro peloton are reading my mind.
How do BMC still have so many guys left?!!?
FUCKING HELL HE SAID IT AGAIN!!
AND LITERALLY AGAIN I CAN'T DEAL.
Simon Clarke caught. All together.
Wee Jakob goes away with Greg VanAv!
There's a few a bit behind them too, possibly Nathan Haas included??
But looks like that group is basically caught.
Yeah they're caught.
Jakob and Greg then, at 6k with 6 seconds.
('Last time of asking', once more)
(SERIOUSLY again.)
(I could kill this man.)
Ooof five seconds for those two. I mean, they're practically on them.
4k, this is insane.
Caught.
GreenEdge and BMC trains fighting at the front.
Kwiato is sitting on the back of the GreenEdge train.
GREEN EDGE AHEAD BUT
BEN HERMANS LEADING OUT SOMETHING
GET YOUR HANDS OUT OF THERE
OH PHILGIL GOING GOING GOING
MICHAEL MATTHEWS STAYING ON HIS WHEEL
PHILGIL IS STAYING AHEAD
Kwiato is flagging in the back...
OH MY CHRIST
ugh valverde going
PHILGIL getting Michael Matthews to ride in front
FLAMME ROUGE
OH FUCK
Kwaito right behind with something from Katusha
There are so many people up there
Weaving over the road
There's like 20 people suddenly now
Wee Jakob got up there
There's a Garmindale there. DAN MARTIN
Weaving bobbing
COME ON BMC!!!!!
COME ON KWAITO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
THEY THOUGHT HE COULDN'T DO IT!!!!!!!!!!
I LOVE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He looks like he's weeping into a teammate's shoulder!!
AND A FIST BUMP with someone!
Fucking hell he came from far back!
But that initial shot was really deceptive!! He's like a full bike length up!
Tim knows.
He looked back before raising his arms up! How cute!
"A very pleasant young man", Dan Lloyd has just described him as. HEARTS.
I don't know what Elia is saying, but I AGREE!!!
Sunday, 5 April 2015
Driven Ronde the Bend
Ronde Van Vlaanderen:
IT IS HERE.
I feel like this dude at the back.
Nom nom nom.
Oh Matt! And he's in the breakaway right now. GO MATT.
Oh Tommmmmmmmm! WE MISS YOU!
Brammeier won the beer sprint after 34km in Sint-Eloois-Winkel, earning his weight in beer. That's 73 litres of Steene Molen beer. There is nothing I don't like about that statement.
It is a real stinker of a commentating team today. Possibly the worst in history: Carlton Kirby and Sean Kelly. We will try to discern something of value from this. Or put it on mute and figure it out ourselves.
I want this on my wall.
So yeah we've got this seven man break going at 6 and a half minutes. No one of note aside from Matt Brammeier.
And Jesse Sergent, who is part of the #SpartacusArmy, one of the greatest hashtags and creations of modern times.
And I guess also this guy who's clearly wandered out of a fable: Dylan Groenewegen from Roompot.
And Clement Venturini, the 19th century magician.
Sky is all over the front. Spottin' Viviani and Knees up there.
I think it was family favourite Sean de Bie just doing some ballet on his bike there. Looked like he hoisted his leg over the handle bars to the other side for some undetermined reason.
They've just described Sep as 'explosive' which is a real jinx for someone who can't stay on secure tires EVER.
Martin Elmiger on the back here in that stylish Swiss champs jersey.
All of Team Sky-- except Bernie, who's ridin' around gorgeously at the back-- is on the front here. First spot of Le Crow, and G having a massive massive snack.
Breakaway is onto the Kwaremont. WAHOOOO.
Brad took a dive there.
For fucking real. He took himself out and I wouldn't be surprised if he abandons later.
Le Crow and Viviani chattin' about it up front.
Brad has brought NOTHING to this team for so long. GOOD RIDDANCE.
This is amazing!!!! I've never been such a fan of Cadel!
P. Van Heke has launched an attack. No pressure, but... he's Belgian.
Poor Bernie, he's been given the deeply unenviable task of ushering Bernie back to the group. I hope Bernie is on a really high salary. Like, with extra combat pay.
Stopping and going here at the back.
Did Brad have another mechanical? Is this the Ronde Van Brad's Bikes?
He's back on what they insist on calling the 'comfort machine', which sounds perverse.
Ian Stannard has noticeably wide shoulders. Beast man.
Cokey Tom says with a twinkle in his eye that Niki is gonna go for a solo win.
G's noticeable white sunglasses in the bunch there. Hey G!
Preben Van Heke being reeled back in here.
Otherwise little of note. Basically Knees has been riding on the front all day.
Ooop a change here as we come back from the commercial. IAM all over the front now.
Luca having a bike change there I think. Get back Luca!
Looks like Matt Brammeier is pulling away from the breakaway group. Are there more beer-sponsored primes ahead?
Ah he's been caught. Alas.
Luca finally got back on here at the back. Whew. He didn't look too fussed but I was concerned.
Luca Paolini kinda reminds me of Tim Roth. Is that weird?
GreipelThighs has launched an attack on the Molenberg, taken about 8 guys with him.
Buuuuut they're already back together.
3'24'' for the breakaway in the meantime.
Oh my god what's happening.
Ok clearly there must be a crash in the middle of the road but all you saw was ALL OF THE PELOTON suddenly jumping off to the side onto the grass verge, bikes in hand, and RUNNING up in the gutter to get around.
An MTN is down for the count I think.
WHAT THE FUCK. A Shimano car just TOOK OUT one of the breakaways. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?!!
Jesse Sergent it was. What the hell. That is so fucked up.
Awwww he's in the car now. He's holding his arm, supporting his shoulder.
Nothing to see here, Pippo is disrobing. They save these clips to calm the mob when CARS RUN OVER BIKE RIDERS.
OPQS on the front a bit here. Matteo Trentin for sure. Think Iljo is there.
GVK chasing onto the back as he had a puncture.
Luca's stopped at the back here for some reason. Maybe he was waiting for Kristoff? It wasn't clear he had any problems himself.
Bernie has taken his rightful place up front now. Just at the time that everyone is taking off their warmers and exposing their arms. Easy ladies.
Sky here, OPQS, apparently Giant though I don't see them.
Bernie just threw his bottle off to the side, likely making a small child's day.
WHAT THE ACTUAL. SOMEONE ELSE HAS BEEN HIT BY A CAR.
By neutral service AGAIN.
Only good bit of commentary there: "Well the neutral service cars, hardly neutral there."
A Lotto and a Europcar have gone away here.
I think Fab is on cuz I already don't understand Trek's tweets.
Bernie is strategising up front like the master tactician he is. Hopefully he will rip off that joke spy beard he's been wearing.
When Sky eat whatever it is they're eating from those wrappers it looks like they're holding delicate little handkerchiefs to their mouths like scandalised Southern women.
For some reason we're focussing on this third group on the road. It's unclear as to why. It's a bunch of wildcard teams just hanging off the back. WHO CARES.
Breakaway still has just over 2 minutes in hand.
Shit's going down on the Kanarienberg.
GVK has been sent up to some group cuz he's a superstar.
Styby at the back, chasing back on without issue.
Also without a tooth? What is happening.
Cokey Tom talking about the Paterberg. Apparently the first time round you can 'rely on your explosivity'. But "The second time, you're already dead." He is so excellent.
Burgy at the back, a bit too close to a neutral service car for my liking. SAVE YOURSELF BURGY.
AND NOW AN AWNING IS FALLING ON THE PELOTON.
This is just fucking farce.
Sky are pulling pulling pulling like beasts now.
Well that GVK chase group has been reeled in which is good cuz I actually never figured out where they were on the road.
Will they? Fabianese is more indistinguishable than I remember.
Ummmmm. I'm obsessed with this.
Back onto the Kwaremont for Bak and Gaudin. But the peloton is less than a minute away.
Things breaking up here.
Debuscherre trying to get away here with an OPQS.
But the peloton are right there.
I think someone just threw a confetti cannon in Gaudin's face.
But I guess that spurred him on cuz he's left Bak behind and is alone out front now.
This double-entendre-heavy commentary has got me thinking Cokey Tom's mention of a 'front unit' is something NSFW.
GreipelThighs on the attack again.
Oh no!! Matteo Tretin is down!
Ughhhh people coming unclipped and SUFFERING up the Koppenberg.
Oh it's like old school, everyone is off their bikes and mountaineering up.
Is this Le Crow leading the peloton now?? If he does a job like San Remo it's gonna be gorgeous here.
G is lingering not far behind.
We've had to switch to French commentary now. Might get better.
Well Wee Sylvain has joined GreipelThighs so they have lots to talk about.
Well let's hope there are no mechanicals for Trek now.
William Bonnet just manfully leading Arnaud Demare off the road and giving him his bike.
Me-ow.
And as forecast, Greipel and Chava caught.
NIKI!!!!! IS THIS THE ONE THEY CALL BOONENBERG?!?!!!!?
We're on the Taaianberg btw.
BAUER, THOMAS, TERPSTRA. KILL ME.
GregVanAv launched one. Followed by Le Crow at least.
Le Crow trying to convey something in French I think.
Seems to have worked.
Styby up there now.
They're saying Niki is 'piege', which I hate. IS HE?!!
Is it a mechanical or what?!
G IS ON THE MOVE BACK THERE.
KILL IT LE CROW. KILL IT.
That weird trio that was hanging off the front with Greg VanAv has been caught.
This Lampre keeps trying to get off the front. YOU CAN'T GET AWAY FROM LE CROW.
KRUISBERG.
Styby is 'surveying' G.
Awwww, Le Crow has done his duty and is spent. G alone.
OPQS going off the front. Looks like Niki to me.
But they won't confirm.
Where is Sep?!?! The commentators don't even know if he's WAY off the back or shooting off the front. This is stupid.
Fab knows.
Piege my ASS, I KNOW NIKI WHEN I SEE HIM.
He is AWAY ALONE with Kristoff.
NIKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
DO A NIKI, Niki!
Back in the group behind, Le Crow got back on!!!! LONG LIVE LE CROW!!
16 seconds the Niki group has.
THE GAP IS GOING UP.
21k and 30 seconds.
Oh Sep, on the lonely chase in nowheresville.
Apparently Kristoff is scared of John Degenkolb. WOULDN'T YOU BE!? THE MAN IS A BEAST.
Le Crow, G, Styby all on the front of the Contenders group.
Oh my god we're on the Kwaremont.
G IS GOING FOR THE KILL WITH STYBY
Don't look back G, you're AWAY!
NIKI is murdering!
G is just such a badass.
Niki is just thrashing his way up this climb.
G and Styby caught now. MEH.
Yeah make Kristoff do some work Niki.
These chasers are about 20 seconds back. Maybe 15 of them, max.
VanAv launches.
Forrrrr nothing.
Oh my god they keep talking about safety in numbers, NO WE DON'T WANT THAT.
I love this.
ON TO THE PATERBERG FOR NIKI
More fucking confetti cannons in the face, this time for Kristoff.
VanAv off the front of the second group
Johnny D is in his wheel.
WHERE IS NIKI
Oh my god 12k
Sagan is with Greg VanAv behind Niki and Kristoff.
Fab says the chasing group is splitting apart and this favours Niki and Kristoff. PLEASE.
There's no more climbs now. oh god how will this end.
10k.
I'd watch that show.
8K of STRAIGHT ROAD ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?!!?!?!
The gaps are staying the exact same.
They're going out those second two, Sagan and VanAv.
5k
They're letting it go out and out back there.
This is the weirdest finish.
Apparently Niki is saying by not launching "moi nonplus j'ai pas envie de faire 12ieme de Tour de Flandres."
3.5k
This is so tense.
How do you even do this. I don't know how you even do this, mentally/tactically/etc.
Ca crie dans les oreilles hein? Et dans le coeur.
1.5k
FLAMME ROUGE.
FAB IS ON YOUR SIDE. DO A FAB!
This camera angle is terrible WHAT IS HAPPENING.
Meh. Looked like Niki tried but Kristoff was too strong.
MEH.
Arnaud Demare: 'Meilleur Français but will be be in the top 20?' SO FRENCH.
Well Niki had a similar run-up to Roubaix last year and WON, so I'll take one of those please!
Update: I want "I've lost my teeth" to become an expression of excitement. Like "I had such a great time!"
IT IS HERE.
I feel like this dude at the back.
Nom nom nom.
Oh Matt! And he's in the breakaway right now. GO MATT.
Oh Tommmmmmmmm! WE MISS YOU!
Brammeier won the beer sprint after 34km in Sint-Eloois-Winkel, earning his weight in beer. That's 73 litres of Steene Molen beer. There is nothing I don't like about that statement.
It is a real stinker of a commentating team today. Possibly the worst in history: Carlton Kirby and Sean Kelly. We will try to discern something of value from this. Or put it on mute and figure it out ourselves.
I want this on my wall.
So yeah we've got this seven man break going at 6 and a half minutes. No one of note aside from Matt Brammeier.
And Jesse Sergent, who is part of the #SpartacusArmy, one of the greatest hashtags and creations of modern times.
And I guess also this guy who's clearly wandered out of a fable: Dylan Groenewegen from Roompot.
And Clement Venturini, the 19th century magician.
Sky is all over the front. Spottin' Viviani and Knees up there.
I think it was family favourite Sean de Bie just doing some ballet on his bike there. Looked like he hoisted his leg over the handle bars to the other side for some undetermined reason.
They've just described Sep as 'explosive' which is a real jinx for someone who can't stay on secure tires EVER.
Martin Elmiger on the back here in that stylish Swiss champs jersey.
All of Team Sky-- except Bernie, who's ridin' around gorgeously at the back-- is on the front here. First spot of Le Crow, and G having a massive massive snack.
Breakaway is onto the Kwaremont. WAHOOOO.
Brad took a dive there.
For fucking real. He took himself out and I wouldn't be surprised if he abandons later.
Le Crow and Viviani chattin' about it up front.
Brad has brought NOTHING to this team for so long. GOOD RIDDANCE.
This is amazing!!!! I've never been such a fan of Cadel!
P. Van Heke has launched an attack. No pressure, but... he's Belgian.
Poor Bernie, he's been given the deeply unenviable task of ushering Bernie back to the group. I hope Bernie is on a really high salary. Like, with extra combat pay.
Stopping and going here at the back.
Did Brad have another mechanical? Is this the Ronde Van Brad's Bikes?
He's back on what they insist on calling the 'comfort machine', which sounds perverse.
Ian Stannard has noticeably wide shoulders. Beast man.
Cokey Tom says with a twinkle in his eye that Niki is gonna go for a solo win.
G's noticeable white sunglasses in the bunch there. Hey G!
Preben Van Heke being reeled back in here.
Otherwise little of note. Basically Knees has been riding on the front all day.
Ooop a change here as we come back from the commercial. IAM all over the front now.
Luca having a bike change there I think. Get back Luca!
Looks like Matt Brammeier is pulling away from the breakaway group. Are there more beer-sponsored primes ahead?
Ah he's been caught. Alas.
Luca finally got back on here at the back. Whew. He didn't look too fussed but I was concerned.
Luca Paolini kinda reminds me of Tim Roth. Is that weird?
GreipelThighs has launched an attack on the Molenberg, taken about 8 guys with him.
Buuuuut they're already back together.
3'24'' for the breakaway in the meantime.
Oh my god what's happening.
Ok clearly there must be a crash in the middle of the road but all you saw was ALL OF THE PELOTON suddenly jumping off to the side onto the grass verge, bikes in hand, and RUNNING up in the gutter to get around.
An MTN is down for the count I think.
WHAT THE FUCK. A Shimano car just TOOK OUT one of the breakaways. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?!!
Jesse Sergent it was. What the hell. That is so fucked up.
Awwww he's in the car now. He's holding his arm, supporting his shoulder.
Nothing to see here, Pippo is disrobing. They save these clips to calm the mob when CARS RUN OVER BIKE RIDERS.
OPQS on the front a bit here. Matteo Trentin for sure. Think Iljo is there.
GVK chasing onto the back as he had a puncture.
Luca's stopped at the back here for some reason. Maybe he was waiting for Kristoff? It wasn't clear he had any problems himself.
Bernie has taken his rightful place up front now. Just at the time that everyone is taking off their warmers and exposing their arms. Easy ladies.
Sky here, OPQS, apparently Giant though I don't see them.
Bernie just threw his bottle off to the side, likely making a small child's day.
WHAT THE ACTUAL. SOMEONE ELSE HAS BEEN HIT BY A CAR.
By neutral service AGAIN.
Only good bit of commentary there: "Well the neutral service cars, hardly neutral there."
A Lotto and a Europcar have gone away here.
I think Fab is on cuz I already don't understand Trek's tweets.
Bernie is strategising up front like the master tactician he is. Hopefully he will rip off that joke spy beard he's been wearing.
When Sky eat whatever it is they're eating from those wrappers it looks like they're holding delicate little handkerchiefs to their mouths like scandalised Southern women.
For some reason we're focussing on this third group on the road. It's unclear as to why. It's a bunch of wildcard teams just hanging off the back. WHO CARES.
Breakaway still has just over 2 minutes in hand.
Shit's going down on the Kanarienberg.
GVK has been sent up to some group cuz he's a superstar.
Styby at the back, chasing back on without issue.
Also without a tooth? What is happening.
Cokey Tom talking about the Paterberg. Apparently the first time round you can 'rely on your explosivity'. But "The second time, you're already dead." He is so excellent.
Burgy at the back, a bit too close to a neutral service car for my liking. SAVE YOURSELF BURGY.
AND NOW AN AWNING IS FALLING ON THE PELOTON.
This is just fucking farce.
Sky are pulling pulling pulling like beasts now.
Well that GVK chase group has been reeled in which is good cuz I actually never figured out where they were on the road.
Will they? Fabianese is more indistinguishable than I remember.
Ummmmm. I'm obsessed with this.
Back onto the Kwaremont for Bak and Gaudin. But the peloton is less than a minute away.
Things breaking up here.
Debuscherre trying to get away here with an OPQS.
But the peloton are right there.
I think someone just threw a confetti cannon in Gaudin's face.
But I guess that spurred him on cuz he's left Bak behind and is alone out front now.
This double-entendre-heavy commentary has got me thinking Cokey Tom's mention of a 'front unit' is something NSFW.
GreipelThighs on the attack again.
Oh no!! Matteo Tretin is down!
Ughhhh people coming unclipped and SUFFERING up the Koppenberg.
Oh it's like old school, everyone is off their bikes and mountaineering up.
Is this Le Crow leading the peloton now?? If he does a job like San Remo it's gonna be gorgeous here.
G is lingering not far behind.
We've had to switch to French commentary now. Might get better.
Well Wee Sylvain has joined GreipelThighs so they have lots to talk about.
Well let's hope there are no mechanicals for Trek now.
William Bonnet just manfully leading Arnaud Demare off the road and giving him his bike.
Me-ow.
And as forecast, Greipel and Chava caught.
NIKI!!!!! IS THIS THE ONE THEY CALL BOONENBERG?!?!!!!?
We're on the Taaianberg btw.
BAUER, THOMAS, TERPSTRA. KILL ME.
GregVanAv launched one. Followed by Le Crow at least.
Le Crow trying to convey something in French I think.
Seems to have worked.
Styby up there now.
They're saying Niki is 'piege', which I hate. IS HE?!!
Is it a mechanical or what?!
G IS ON THE MOVE BACK THERE.
KILL IT LE CROW. KILL IT.
That weird trio that was hanging off the front with Greg VanAv has been caught.
This Lampre keeps trying to get off the front. YOU CAN'T GET AWAY FROM LE CROW.
KRUISBERG.
Styby is 'surveying' G.
Awwww, Le Crow has done his duty and is spent. G alone.
OPQS going off the front. Looks like Niki to me.
But they won't confirm.
Where is Sep?!?! The commentators don't even know if he's WAY off the back or shooting off the front. This is stupid.
Fab knows.
Piege my ASS, I KNOW NIKI WHEN I SEE HIM.
He is AWAY ALONE with Kristoff.
NIKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
DO A NIKI, Niki!
Back in the group behind, Le Crow got back on!!!! LONG LIVE LE CROW!!
16 seconds the Niki group has.
THE GAP IS GOING UP.
21k and 30 seconds.
Oh Sep, on the lonely chase in nowheresville.
Apparently Kristoff is scared of John Degenkolb. WOULDN'T YOU BE!? THE MAN IS A BEAST.
Le Crow, G, Styby all on the front of the Contenders group.
Oh my god we're on the Kwaremont.
G IS GOING FOR THE KILL WITH STYBY
Don't look back G, you're AWAY!
NIKI is murdering!
G is just such a badass.
Niki is just thrashing his way up this climb.
G and Styby caught now. MEH.
Yeah make Kristoff do some work Niki.
These chasers are about 20 seconds back. Maybe 15 of them, max.
VanAv launches.
Forrrrr nothing.
Oh my god they keep talking about safety in numbers, NO WE DON'T WANT THAT.
I love this.
ON TO THE PATERBERG FOR NIKI
More fucking confetti cannons in the face, this time for Kristoff.
VanAv off the front of the second group
Johnny D is in his wheel.
WHERE IS NIKI
Oh my god 12k
Sagan is with Greg VanAv behind Niki and Kristoff.
Fab says the chasing group is splitting apart and this favours Niki and Kristoff. PLEASE.
There's no more climbs now. oh god how will this end.
10k.
I'd watch that show.
8K of STRAIGHT ROAD ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?!!?!?!
The gaps are staying the exact same.
They're going out those second two, Sagan and VanAv.
5k
They're letting it go out and out back there.
This is the weirdest finish.
Apparently Niki is saying by not launching "moi nonplus j'ai pas envie de faire 12ieme de Tour de Flandres."
3.5k
This is so tense.
How do you even do this. I don't know how you even do this, mentally/tactically/etc.
Ca crie dans les oreilles hein? Et dans le coeur.
1.5k
FLAMME ROUGE.
FAB IS ON YOUR SIDE. DO A FAB!
This camera angle is terrible WHAT IS HAPPENING.
Meh. Looked like Niki tried but Kristoff was too strong.
MEH.
Arnaud Demare: 'Meilleur Français but will be be in the top 20?' SO FRENCH.
Well Niki had a similar run-up to Roubaix last year and WON, so I'll take one of those please!
Update: I want "I've lost my teeth" to become an expression of excitement. Like "I had such a great time!"
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