IT AIN'T OVER TIL THE FAT LADY SINGS

Tirreno-Adriatico Stage 5 & Paris-Nice Stage 8:

Yeah cuz who wouldn't want to hang out with Phil??

WHAT WHAT WHAT I need coverage immediately

Cycling really makes you want to learn all the languages and visit all the places in the world.

I mean everyone was having a massive go but they did technically race TO the sun. There's never been any implicit suggestion that the race would be entirely conducted under the sun.

I guess if it starts raining in Nice then yeah by all means, you've got cause for complaint there.

MILAN SAN REMO STOP MENTIONING IT IT'S STILL A WEEK AWAY AND I CAN'T WAIT

It looks like Lammertink has gone solo from the breakaway and is alone up front now.

Ah there's our beautiful breakaway.

Inseguitori must mean 'chasers'

They seem to be 57 seconds behind Lammertink and maybe Simo Clarke is in the middle somewhere with someone from Bahrain Merida.

Goujons has joined Lammertink up front.

The inseguitori are breaking apart.

Wait is everyone just back together now?

I think testa della course is a bit relative here.

Cripes those aren't breaks screeching are they??

TAKE CARE NIKI

Is it just that everything built on a hill is beautiful by nature? Why is Italy so gorgeous!?

I read this too fast as 'Steve Cummings is attractive' and pissed myself. I think people might enjoy it if social media was that candid.

Gruppo Compatto

Or maybe not.

Where is Gruppo Yates compared to everyone else?

What's going on here? IS HE STOPPING??

What's wrong??

WHAT IS THIS?

Well Adam what's going on buddy?

A Sky and Bob Jungels are trying to get away

Oh it's Mikel Landa and his eyebrows

TIM IS TRYING TO JOIN THEM

AND HE HAS

Oh my god that might've been simply too much.

I should mention there's another wildcard rando with this group in case he ends up winning the stage or whatever.

FUCKING HELL THERE S A FULL ON TREE IN THE WHEEL OF BETTIOL.

How is it even possible that that has happened.

That was fucking mad.

Another beaut of a hillside village here at Montelparo.

Tim and Bob and co have built up nearly a minute here with 71k to go

When they hand stuff off to neutral service does it make its way back to the team cuz I can't imagine they want to keep re-issuing Etixx Luxembourg gilets all the time.

Movistar are leading the peloton I suppose it should be mentioned.

I wish Alex would go to another team. It's hard to want him to do really well when it's all for the witch doctor.

Like John racing for Bertie. I mean come on. That's mental.

Standard. Just kidding. That was unnecessary. I miss Maarten.

Over in Paris-Nice Thomas De Gendt is among the breakaways.

Whenever they zoom in grassy-knoll-style I'm never quite sure what I'm supposed to be seeing.

Like for example why were were just watching Domenco Pozzovivo in slow mo from the back like a bunch of creeps?

Gap coming down a bit at 57k to go.

A bunch of baby muurs still to come, a tiny Liege Bastogne Liege they say.

TIM. Be careful!!

50k and over to French coverage now.

God that gap is down. 20 seconds now.

Boooooooo they're getting caught.

44k and all together. For the moment.

I don't need to see Nairo Quintana's attack again thank you.

Ohhhh that's Majka. In the Polish champs this year.

I'LL SHOW YOU WHO'S BEST POLISH

KWIATO LOVES ATTACKING

Has he won International Flandrien yet cuz he fucking should.

(Oh ok good.)

LEADER OF THE RACE LEADER OF LIFE

I just love when he does things. Anything.

Like pull focus in interviews.

OH IS IT.

I wish we could've seen a bit better who that was. Someone at the front of the peloton when that attack went was like looking around for help, like IS ANYONE SEEING THIS WHAT DO I DO?

I've been studying Froooooomy says Kwaito!

I don't think Movistar are that malin. If Valverde's not around they don't chase anything and sometimes by total chance that ends up working out in their favour. If you wanna call that a tactic...

Boooooooo another GREAT break caught.

We're into some muurs now.

Attack by some hair.

And GATTO.

It's Fabio Felline ('s hair) with him btw.

KWIATO GOES AGAIN.

Some other passengers are trying to join.

Tejay and Majka among them.

I'm going on a picnic and I'm bringing a Feisty Fabio Felline.

Everyone back together.

Kwiatokowski a nouveaux a l'attack

They're suggesting he's effectively pissing on this race.

He keeps looking back. He wants some company this time.

Alas.

Now Diego Rosa goes.

25k. He's got a moderate amount of air with Kreuziger and Rui Costa.

God these baby muurs are not easy.

STYBAR WHERE

Now it's Kiry away with LL Sanchez.

Peter Sagan est toujours la, alors attention. Lui il laisse faire: Je suis la pour l'arrivee.

Oooh la la they nearly went off the road THERE NEEDS TO BE A BIT MORE THAN A TINY BIT OF PLASTIC ROPE THERE MAYBE

20k.

It's kicking off over in Paris-Nice with Bertie thrashing around so... bleh.

Adorbs.

UGHHHH Bertie's not going to win in Paris-Nice is he?? Is that a possibility?

14k and Kiry and LL have 25 seconds.

FDJ and Etixx are near the front of the peloton.

(Hi Julian in green!)

They're trying so hard to be dispassionate about this. HOW DOES IT FEEL?!

Well it certainly fucking WILL be the race to the shit if Bertie wins!

11k. Majka is leading the chase behind but they still have 20 seconds ahead.

They really really think Nibali is a has-been in this commentary box.

Under 10k.

Tejay looks like he's having a go!!

He's joined LL and Kiry has disappeared somehow.

(COME ON LES GARS)

Woooooooooooah were are we in Paris-Nice at 38k that was STUNNING.

5k left at Tirreno.

Awww JuJu still super content with the team's Paris-Nice despite the deception of yesterday.

3.2 Thibaut is going and G is following!

But unfortunately the witch doctor is also there.

UGH.

GERAINT THOMAS QUI S'ACCROCHE.

AND NOW HE TAKES THE LEAD

Pinot attacks

Peter chasing to join this group.

And he has.

1.3k

Oh man this could go so many ways

FLAMME

COME ON G I THINK ALTHOUGH ALSO PETER

Peter imposed himself hilariously there

Oh. Rigo is here. He tries some sort of attack.

I think not says Peter

THERE IS NO ROOM ON THIS TINY MEDIEVAL ROAD

500m

Peter leads us

The road widens

WHAT WILL HAPPEN

G leads into the turn

WE ARE GOING UP THE FINAL BIT OF HILL

G IS GOING FOR IT

PETER IS COMING UP ON HIM THERE IS NO CHANCE FOR ANYONE

Hey good effort Thibaut there at the end but Peter just rides in a different race.

He bunny hops on to the pavement behind the podium.

He sounds like a knight.

Waiting for an inevitably great post-race interview from Peter, meanwhile 22k to go at Paris-Nice.

C'est MAINTENANT que Paris-Nice va ce jouer.

What is that gorgeous rooftop pool going on here. This is difficult to watch from wintertime London.

Oh. Apparently we're just going back to the Biathlon after Tirreno. Ok.

So Bertie with 5 guys up front with 47 seconds and then everyone else I guess?

Col d'Eze looms.

I mean what I DIDN'T want was for Henao to lose the yellow jersey to Bertie. That wasn't what I meant.

20k to go. Bleurg.

Can Dan not do something?

I say that like he's not trying hard or something.

...But can't he?

Woah that Downer commentator actually conceded that it's not over til it's over. Maybe he secretly hates Bertie too.

ET VOILA

ATTACK DE RICHIE PORTE

YES AVEC DAN MARTIN

False bloody alarm it would seem.

Soler has gone away from that Spanish front group, which I don't really care about.

17k

Ughhhhhhhh Bertie has more than a minute now.

Where's a full on fucking tree when you need one.

JUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUULE

GO ON

15k

BRING THAT GAP DOWN YOU BASTARDS

UGH I HATE THIS

YES IT IS CONTADOR CONTRE TOUT LE MONDE WHAT DOES THAT TELL YOU

Did they say he only has 19 seconds d'avance? Am I hearing that right??

I DON'T GET MATH 11K

HELP US BOZ

Ca c'est une Froome, they say as he pedals in supertuck. That is fucking excellent.

HE IS LOSING TIME.

QUEL FINALE QUEL BAGARRE

Under 6k THERE IS STILL TIME

C'EST PLUS QUE NEUF POUR L'HOMME EN ROUGE

EVERYONE IS SHITTING THEMSELVES AT 3.5k

COME ON COME ON COME ON EVERYONE ELSE

We haven't seen the chasers I hope they are vomiting on themselves with effort this whole way

AH FUCK

Bertie goes solo

DAVID DE LA CRUZ I AM COUNTING ON YOU FOR SOMETHING I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS BUT COME ON

I HATE TIME BONUSES I THINK

YES COME ON DAVID

TAKE THOSE TEN SECONDS TAKE THEM

FUCK YOU BERTIE COME ON DAVID DO IT

IL VA S'IMPOSER!!!!!!!!!

WHAT A FUCKING HERO.

COME ON EVERYONE ELSE

HE NEEDS 23 SECONDS

THEY WILL DO IT WONT THEY THEY'RE RIGHT THERE

TINY ALAPHILIPPE CRUSHING IT TO THE LAST


YAAAAAAAAAAAS
FUCK DID HE WIN IT BY THE SECOND

I COULD CRY

JESUS THAT IS ONE WAY TO MAKE ME LOVE HENAO


OH MY FUCKING LIFE

That was so tense.

Oh christ Bertie lost by 2 seconds.

Tant que le rideau n'est pas tombé, la pièce n'est pas terminée!

Ahahahaa. As last year, you put in a big effort; as last year, you gave us a show; and as last year, you lost.

Then he went on to say people either love you or hate you, this interviewer is gold.

How is it possible that Paris-Nice plays out like this year after year, what is this magical parcours?

Awww de la Cruz, in the style of all Etixxes, is adorable: I could manage the way for to keep on his wheel.

Freaking adorable stop it. Also what is Luke's candy of choice, the world needs to know.

Dan looks like he's just finished a particularly jazzy ice dance with a flourish.

I mean I guess you also have to like Henao cuz he looks like he rides in the past.

Oh man, the teamiest team that ever teamed. Look at Marcel stage-moming over there.

MEILLEUR EQUIPE OF LIFE.

LITERALLY MURDER ME I AM DONE.

Eh ben: super content, loulou.