Tirreno-Adriatico Stage 4 & Paris-Nice Stage 7:
Bromance. This team is made of bromance.
Also does this entire team refer to each other as loulou cuz I might just die from the adorableness.
Has there been research on the crossover of biathlon fans and cycling fans? Why is the biathlon always preempting my advertised cycling coverage.
Although this guy kinda reminds me of Tom Dumoulin so that's a nice surprise, but still.
Maybe if those SAT questions expressed themselves as a person trying to figure our how to follow multi-race days I would've done better in math.
The combination jersey never left us.
Oh man I would love if Tom Dumoulin won the epic mountain stage today.
Peter Sagan is just the greatest.
Also, FOR REAL WHO DOES SHIMANO'S MUSIC GIVE THEM A RAISE I AM CRYING
They're talking up G here DON'T MAKE ME DREAM
The Boy King! Leading us along here.
Peter chatting along to Viviani. And an indeterminate DData joins in.
Some semi-hilarious cycling explanations here. The gist: They're not trying to bring the break back but still, be a professional, don't let it get out to 20 minutes.
Peter's piling on his jerseys.
The thing is you really want someone cool to win Tirreno cuz of the trident.
Daniel Oss needs to have a chat with Peter about a nice conditioning masque.
I am genuinely so jealous of his hair.
Imagine if Thibaut Pinot won Tirreno and Julian won Paris-Nice. France would have to take the rest of the year off to celebrate and get over the shock.
All these villages look super gorge.
Ah man this guy is SHITTING ALL OVER NIBALI. Savage.
Now they're having problems with the transmission. Coincidence I THINK NOT.
Awww how adorable is Davide Bramati!!! Il n'y a pas beaucoup comme moi! La passion c'est ca.
Then they referred to him as le Marc Madiot Italian, which is so real.
I'm kind of bored of looking at this breakaway.
GAH excellent punning!
What's the last relevant thing Rigoberto Uran did? I mean aside from being danced up on.
40k. The gap is kiiiinda coming down. BRING ME MOUNTAINS.
Tommy of the Mill's men now coming to the front for the first time all day.
His un-accented English fascinates me.
SUNWEB IS PUSHING.
LA COURSE EST PARTI
WHAT IS TIM WELLENS HERE?!
There are so many excellent people here it's gonna be so lame if the witch doctor wins AGAIN.
These guys are going cray.
They've got the gap down to nearly 3 minutes and now everything seems to have chilled.
Chute!
Sans gravite as they say.
Except it was Tim that fell on his ass by the looks of it so a bit of gravite.
Finally, a col!
The breakaway are doing things but it's under 2 minutes now so c'mon guys get out of the way.
A Sky move...
Elia has come to the front
Stefan Kung was kinda uncool to him just there. He was like 'hey man' and then pushed him out of the way.
Watch you don't get yourself barred from the International King Dynasty for unsporting behaviour Stefan.
Under 20k.
A touch nervy around here.
Bauke at Trek is gonna confuse me all season.
Ah shit they need to watch this descent. CRIPES that breakaway dude really went down into that ditch. How did he fold his body to get under that barrier WHILE SLIDING ALONG THE ROAD?!!?
Well we've had to go over to Dutch coverage cuz everything broke.
In that time they've started the climb and Styby has come to the front.
Peter's had enough. He's literally roughhousing with Alberto Bettiol at the back now.
Ugh. Nibali and Co.
Greg is dead. Is this in slo-mo? No but seriously. He looks like an overworked plough cow.
KWIATO WHAT YES
I thought I had French coverage back but Kwiato's attack was obviously too much and it broke again.
He's got some companions now.
Not a bad climbing bunch but obviously no one I like more than Kwiato.
11k.
Kreuziger is with Greenedge now? This season's gonna be tough to follow.
Kwiato's little group is gaining time.
I think Sporza just switched over to Paris-Nice coverage of its own accord. Like a sentient being.
Maybe it knew Luke was driving on the front and I'd really want to see that.
What Quicksteps am I looking at here? It's hard to keep up with the country I'm in.
Well that is JACK BAUER I know that much.
Wee Jakob is trying an attack in Paris-Nice.
God and on top of all of this Lotto has two different jerseys in the two races so WTAF how can anyone follow anything.
PHIL.
Hi Phil.
Oh well that's one way of making it clearer.
Kwiato is now just with Spilak over in Tirreno.
Pinot is trying to spoil the party. The Witch Doctor hangs behind him and G lurks as well.
Spilak seems to be going alone.
NO.
Oh it's all kicking off now.
People are shooting off the front of the peloton all over.
OH Julian! You look resplendent in yellow!
Ah Tom and G swirling around in Tirreno!
Fucking tell me about it.
It doesn't help that additionally you can hear Australian commentary coming from SOMEWHERE in the background.
2.2k and there are a mix of good and bad things going on.
COME ON G IS ALL I CAN SAY
1.8k
Bleurg.
I find Quintana SO unexciting.
UGH. Well this certainly ruins this stage.
Fucking snooze.
Alright Paris-Nice, no pressure.
For once I'd actually like the blatantly nationalistic French coverage.
WAIT WILL YATES TAKE THE JERSEY?!
REDEEM THIS DUMB DAY ADAM
Oh. They totally mis-sold that. Alright. Moving swiftly on.
Certainly leading in the weird name category.
Comme hier, comme avant-hier, comme tous les jours has an odd beautiful poetry to it.
On a vu Nicholas Roche..
Ah bon??
This guy is seeing all sorts of people we aren't seeing on the screen. SHOW ME WEE PIERRE
Tiny Alaphillipe strategising with his potes as he races along.
Is there someone called Romain Corbeau??
THERE IS ONLY ONE LE CROW
Alright Lillian I'm over you can we please make the catch now?
Oh putain! someone just shouted somewhere off screen. It's basically like the cycling equivalent of the greatest thing ever seen around here right now.
A few chasers behind Lillian and then Skys and JuJu and Co leading the peloton.
PHIL.
Phil looks so right in the Belgian champs jersey.
UGH that was like precipice-cam, I just got vertigo.
12k.
Oh now Bertie's team is getting involved. LET'S NOT MAKE THIS A TOTALLY USELESS DAY IN CYCLING PLEASE
Wee Pierre!
I mean he's at the way way back almost alone, but GOOD TO SEE YOU PIERRE
Oh hey Nicholas
Back here with poor S. Yates also losing contact.
Woah these dudes are gonna CATCH whoever that solo breakaway is.
WHAT
Awwww Julian has cracked.
HE IS THRASHING. What a tiny little fighter!!
YOU CAN DO IT JULIAN IT'S ONLY 10 MORE K
A bloc hein he says to his teammie as he shakes his head.
Someone's just discovered emojis.
I assume Sergio Henao is one of these Skys up here?
Why are Columbians trying to ruin my day today.
Oh my god the woeful sight of Julian, one of his dudes, and two other guys.
Remote on this mountain.
This never-ending mountain.
God it's like good cop bad cop in commentary here.
Pour l'instant il est toujours maillot jaune!
Oui mais si Henao gagne et il prend la bonif il ne sera pas.
He's spitting all over himself poor Julian
And now he's virtually lost the yellow jersey.
Trek is doing all sorts up front so to add insult to injury Bertie will probably win the stage.
I can't believe Richie made it to this group.
I love Sky but I have no feelings about Sergio Henao.
I guess I can just think of it as Luke winning.
I'm too distracted by Julian's loss to be happy that Dan is in this front group.
Richie is attacking but Bertie won't let us have nice things
GO RICHIE GO
He's getting awayyyyyyyyyy
GO ON RICHIE
Richie's looking lean these days
2k to go
Except Julian, who is at 3k to go.
This sport is so cruel.
Richie's sort of smiling grimace is excellent right now in split screen next to Bertie trying to chase him.
Oh hello it's freezing up here.
God who put this commentary team together? The most excited, optimistic man alive and the HUGEST DOWNER.
YAAAAAAAS RICHIE!!!!!
Richie looks so chill he doesn't even look like he's winded.
GO ON YOU TINY FRENCH KING
Well Julian is still the King of Hearts which I guess is all he can really hope for as a Frenchman.
Oh my god is Richie going to speak French?!!
Oh, no. They translated for him. Aw.
Awwwwww he's biggin' up Julian!!!! He did great and in the future he's gonna be a big champion.
YES HE IS.
DON'T CRY.
No comments:
Post a Comment