Kuurne-Brussels-Kuurne:
It's because he is PRACTICALLY BELGIAN.
No one has names like this anymore...
I mean I was only talking about Valere Ollivier but actually that entire list is full of gems.
I hope we see Taylor out on the roadside incognito cheering.
Is the the sort of vibe we can expect today on La Houppe?
Looks like fine Belgian weather out there today.
Perhaps some fashion tips from Alex Dowsett would help?
STANNARD UP THE KWAREMONT
Styby looks like he's trying to make some kind of breakaway!!
He's got Tiesj and now Representative of the International King Dynasty Stefan Kung with him!
Hopefully Stefan stays on his bike today.
Back together again.
When did Cav stop doing this race?
And also why.
Maybe there's no point if Iljo's not there to pun on it.
I should note that there's a breakaway out there but meh. Jurgen Roetlands is in it and as well as a small tapas selection: Goujons and Kirsch.
We'll mostly be interested in this second group on the road with Styby and most of OPQS, Stannard, LE CROW, Peter, King Stefan, Tiesj, Tony the Tiger, Nikolas Maes, and some other chaps.
Also Greg.
And in the same vein, last years winner Jasper Stuyven.
Nikolas Maes at Lotto Soudal continues to throw me off.
Matti Breschel trying a move off the front of the peloton.
It would sort of be fantastic if he won so someone could say Congratulations...
You're still in the running to be America's Next Top Model.
This is excellent.
Luke riding near the front like a boss.
He's trying to indicate something to everyone. Unclear. It was almost like "ride on the cobbles', but then everyone went over on the bike path anyway.
Luke in a double OPQS sandwich is kind of a beautiful sight.
WOAH what happened there!?
Did Demare break inappropriately and SCREW TONY OVER??
He's back up now with a bleeding face but TONY.
That's hardly a way to make friends Arnaud.
Tony looks like he busted his eye socket maybe.
I mean I'm still not over the emotions of the TdF, I can't deal with this.
These tiny, windy Flemish lanes with fat Belgian men perched on the edge of a ditch is such classic imagery.
Where do you even buy those giant flag pole things?
In investigating this further, I must say: Chapeau, Tiesj fans.
Not to take away from the excellent, if rather specific, Stuy-Van.
Peter literally hopping around the group here.
If you lose to Greg again after these antics Peter I swear to god
50k and no more climbs. Boring escapees to be imminently caught with Chase Group Excellence about 2 and half minutes up on the peloton.
Renaat always sounds like he's shitting his pants. He's on the back of a motorbike right? Not just chillin' in a car?
Extra Time Koers?
Are they just promoting their show via the race boards now?
Oh my god it has never been more obvious that I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THIS LANGUAGE than watching this coverage right now.
The catch is coming and now everyone's going CRAY CRAY
Luke's eyeing up the group
UGHHH come on, catch these guys!! The peloton is catching YOU
It's basically gonna all come back together at once isn't it.
I'm not clear on anyone's game plan here
Who is this large Quickstepper?
Front group is now ACTUALLY the front group but the peloton are only 30 seconds behind.
Styby is having a whale of a time, it would seem.
Peter is NOT impressed.
Stuyven looks like he's doing a Stuyven.
Seriously it will be so dull if we get the exact same Nieuwsblad and KBK as last year.
I mean come on guys he is LITERALLY doing the same thing!! CATCH HIM THIS TIME
IT WOULD SEEM SO
Peter is taking this on. BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY.
He's got a Quickstep with him.
Trentin. Nice one.
They've joined the Stuy-Van.
Luke leading the chase behind.
Tiesj is also having a massive go.
Tiesj has made the junction
LUKE IS IN NO MANS LAND COME ON LE CROW
MADE IT
Let's make a podium out of this but not a shit one yeah?
I mean it's a matter of seconds but that's how it starts AMIRIGHT JASPER?!
Luke is hanging off the back but...
YOU CAN DO IT LUKE
Oop they've actually put a timer on it now. 15 seconds.
20 seconds with less than 20k.
It's going up. IT'S GOING UP.
Is that the Tornado Tom Frites sign? I love this country.
BELL LAP
30 seconds the gap
I think they're saying Luke can't sprint?
I'm not sure I can handle 13 more k of this I am so tense
Luke's touching Tiesj's bum for some reason.
Maybe that's their secret signal
You and me, buddy. And also Peter.
Also the picture is breaking up NOW
NOW?!?
Phew ok I nearly threw up with rage
10k
Gap is up to 42 seconds now with 8.5k OK GUYS SHIT JUST GOT REAL
5k
HOW WILL THIS END
Luke is shedding bottles
He's looking pretty focussed.
3k
I could vom
2k
Peter checking his shoes
LUKE IS RIDING WITH LUCKY NUMBER 13 I MEAN I DON'T WANT TO JINX THIS BUT
Tiesj went tentatively to the side
Everyone is swinging around hilariously
Luke just whipped round so aggressively he thought Tiesj was up to something for sure
TRENTIN IS GOING AND LUKE GOES AND PETER GOES
More swinging and ridiculousness
THIS ANGLE IS NOT HELPFUL WHY WOULD YOU USE IT
OH MY GOD SAGAN I'M SURE THE COMMENTATORS JUST SAID
He's gonna do this no probs
WHICH IS GOOD BECAUSE THE FEED FROZE
God the peloton was rather close there in the end
Jesus he opened up a preposterous gap
He just shovelled a load of.. nuts or something? sweets? into his mouth like a bear. What even is he.
Podium for Luke!
IS THIS HIS FIRST PODIUM I THINK IT IS
So BMC. The BMC-est.
Luke we are all hugging you.
Meanwhile Jasper looks like an old school crim.
Over to Peter. This should be a laugh.
Big goal is stay good. What a man.
Let's not waste time here chattin' to Stuyven.
YAASSSSSS
MY MAN
I don't even mind this winter facial hair which I normally REALLY do
He could've won the sprint with one leg by the looks of it
GOOD JOB LUKE
ROUBAIX IS WHERE THE HEART LIES
I sure love him.
ROWEEEEEYYYYYYYYY on the podium!!
He's adorbs.
Is he very tall? He looks excellent.
Well. That was rather great.
Sunday 26 February 2017
Saturday 25 February 2017
Let's Gent This Party Started
Omloop Het Nieuwsblad:
This team is GIVIN' ME LIFE, as the kids say.
This man is a legend.
Speaking of which... Luke in 't Kuipke? THIS FEELS SO RIGHT.
URGHHHH struggling up a cobbled climb!!
THE MUUUUURRRRRR!!! It's so gorgeous!
Guess De Karper was full.
I'm overexcited and there's too much racing going on. Got images of wintertime Belgium next to twitter going 'I don't think this is Jebel Hafeet...'
There is someone called VAN GOETHEM??!
Omfg this Belgian dude should be president. It just doesn't get old.
I still can't totally believe Greg won this last year.
Stijn is on AG2R now?!?
Sep somehow seems like he was always at Garmindale, on the other hand.
THESE COMMENTATORS DON'T KNOW WHAT SVGGENT IS AND I DO GIVE ME A JOB
AWWWW I WISH I COULD UNDERSTAND THIS
Peter I am no fan of this scraggly beard thing going on but seriously, HAIR GOALS.
Kristoff please don't Kristoff this.
AW HEY ILJO
What are we looking at here? An inflatable didn't go wrong again did it?
...Oh apparently there was a crash? Unclear.
I feel like this mental screamer and I would get along.
I spy echelons!!
Knowing Pippo Pozzato is a previous winner, Leigh Howard fancies his chances today.
OOOOF that poor soul!
Oh no it's Zakkari Dempster!! He looked like maybe he was blown over up onto the curb and went down so hard!
Some soothing images of Iljo leading the peloton now.
I can't lie I'm not suuuuuper in love with the new kit. I was SUCH a fan of last year's shade of blue.
OH NO
Two dudes got blown into a ditch or something. The Giant (I cannot get on board with 'Sunweb') is NOT happy.
Massive Cannondale piss time
HEY LE CROW
What up Ronse! See you soon for the RVV shuttle bus!
Looks like a lot of flats going on.
Kruisberg!
OPQS looks like Topsport Vlaanderen now. Which can be ok but you know, bring back the OPQS blue.
I hope this man is a Luke Rowe fan who struggles with spelling.
Several Frenchies stopped here. Hope one will have an epic meltdown.
Basically a modern retelling of Captain Planet going on here.
NO NO NO NO NO
Everyone is down.
Tom is down?
All of Bahrain for sure
OH NO TOM
OH NO TOM
He's still standing there, with a tear in his shorts.
Ahh Kristoff is in a bad way.
How did that even happen??
They're saying all these names and I don't know in what context!!!
OH MAN that FDJ sure thinks this guy is to blame! That seems unnecessary, probably doesn't need to be physically assaulted after a crash.
Stuyven is not messing around on the Taaienberg!
Peter when did you get here?
LOVE.
Twitter says Tom crashed AGAIN but is up. COME BACK AND WIN IT ALL TOM
Who's up here please?
Peter, what I assume is Sep, Stannard, Moscon, and a third Sky they suggest...
Greg, I suppose I should mention.
STYBY
They say he is in the front group!
Peter taking it up at the front!
I mean there's still 50k to go but still.
WOLVENBERG
Yes. It's hard to want anyone else to be World Champion.
Grivko, Goujons, and someone called BOUDAT are also part of the front group, for info.
I mean there are like 5 'groups' up there chasing each other but, you know, UP THERE.
WHAT WHAT LUKE!?
Maybe I misheard because I love him so much.
Peter's like do some work dudes!
PhilGil is chasing somewhere at the front
Save it for Roubaix guy.
So, 1) escapees from earlier no one cares about, 2) Peter's rainbow jersey group, and 3) Luke's dudes ft. PhilGil and Styby. Situation recap.
Alright now I'm just lost.
Group 3 is large and unwieldy
ROWE AND CO
That might have been another translation mishear but also should be the name of like a trendy clothing company
Are they now calling Group 3 the peloton?
Ah everyone's within a minute of each other basically now anyway.
Peter's rainbow club is for sure about to catch these escapees
Boom.
Imagine that comin' atcha.
WHAT'S UP PETER?! He's having a mechanical or something.
40k and 40 seconds between front and peloton.
Luke is I think chatting to a Direct Energie.
Peter does so much work. Surely that's not smart?
Oh finally, I thought, a contribution from Greg! But it was just a dodgy camera angle.
Sep trying to take the lead up the Molenberg
STYBY ATTACKING FROM THE BACK
A little baby group has got away here
Or I dunno there's a lot of splitting up
Sigh. He should be driven around the route anyway so his people may see him.
Peter's bunnyhopping over danger
And then there were three...
Peter Greg and Sep have 33 seconds on everyone else with 28k to go
A lot of OPQS at the front of this chase but we know that's never a good thing.
Greg's bike is shedding shit and it nearly took out Sep. NOT COOL GREG.
GREG
WHAT THE FUCK GET IT TOGETHER. He just went to grab something from the soigneur and nearly clotheslined Sep!
WOOOOAH
Luke just shouted HEY and gave someone the finger.
Think the motorbike was too close for his liking.
P.M.J. Gilbert!? What is he, a wealthy Victorian orphan?
I mean also what are his middle names, just out of curiosity?
This group is still holding at 30 seconds. About the enter the last cobbles of the day.
PMJ Esq. and Styby are at the head of the chase behind
A tailwind eh?!!
15k
Guys this break isn't gonna be caught by a Direct Energie and a Wanty.
Quite an ugly shot of Gent they chose to use there.
GENT IS A STUNNER STOP YOUR PROPAGANDA
Hier met Luke Rowe.
I understand that.
So cute Leo!
Bora got some good teammies in this year with Leo the Lion King and Burgy.
10k and if anything that gap is going UP
I mean Peter needs to win this, if it's gonna be these three.
LUKE AND SYBY IN YER FACE COME ON DIG IN GUYS
Loving that this is a thing. Surely quite cold though if he's been out there for the whole race?
God it's up to 45 seconds now.
Bleurg. It's not that I don't LIKE Greg and Sep it's just
Meh.
Alright Peter. LET'S DO THIS
5k
4
Rowe and Co (Co here being THE ENTIRETY OF OPQS) rolling in whenever here. Save it for Roubaix dudes.
1.5k
KICKIN OFF AT THE FLAMME
Sort of. It looked like it might but didn't.
Peter leading the way OF COURSE
Peter looks back
300 meters
Sep goes from the back
ALL OVER THE ROAD
GREG
NO
DON'T YOU DARE GREG
NO
UGH Peter tried.
Well whatever have this one.
A bizarre solo sprint for fourth from Felline there.
Man Sep really faded there at the end.
Watch me.
This team is GIVIN' ME LIFE, as the kids say.
This man is a legend.
Speaking of which... Luke in 't Kuipke? THIS FEELS SO RIGHT.
URGHHHH struggling up a cobbled climb!!
THE MUUUUURRRRRR!!! It's so gorgeous!
Guess De Karper was full.
I'm overexcited and there's too much racing going on. Got images of wintertime Belgium next to twitter going 'I don't think this is Jebel Hafeet...'
There is someone called VAN GOETHEM??!
Omfg this Belgian dude should be president. It just doesn't get old.
I still can't totally believe Greg won this last year.
Stijn is on AG2R now?!?
Sep somehow seems like he was always at Garmindale, on the other hand.
THESE COMMENTATORS DON'T KNOW WHAT SVGGENT IS AND I DO GIVE ME A JOB
AWWWW I WISH I COULD UNDERSTAND THIS
Peter I am no fan of this scraggly beard thing going on but seriously, HAIR GOALS.
Kristoff please don't Kristoff this.
AW HEY ILJO
What are we looking at here? An inflatable didn't go wrong again did it?
...Oh apparently there was a crash? Unclear.
I feel like this mental screamer and I would get along.
I spy echelons!!
Knowing Pippo Pozzato is a previous winner, Leigh Howard fancies his chances today.
OOOOF that poor soul!
Oh no it's Zakkari Dempster!! He looked like maybe he was blown over up onto the curb and went down so hard!
Some soothing images of Iljo leading the peloton now.
I can't lie I'm not suuuuuper in love with the new kit. I was SUCH a fan of last year's shade of blue.
OH NO
Two dudes got blown into a ditch or something. The Giant (I cannot get on board with 'Sunweb') is NOT happy.
Massive Cannondale piss time
HEY LE CROW
What up Ronse! See you soon for the RVV shuttle bus!
Looks like a lot of flats going on.
Kruisberg!
OPQS looks like Topsport Vlaanderen now. Which can be ok but you know, bring back the OPQS blue.
I hope this man is a Luke Rowe fan who struggles with spelling.
Several Frenchies stopped here. Hope one will have an epic meltdown.
Basically a modern retelling of Captain Planet going on here.
NO NO NO NO NO
Everyone is down.
Tom is down?
All of Bahrain for sure
OH NO TOM
OH NO TOM
He's still standing there, with a tear in his shorts.
Ahh Kristoff is in a bad way.
How did that even happen??
They're saying all these names and I don't know in what context!!!
OH MAN that FDJ sure thinks this guy is to blame! That seems unnecessary, probably doesn't need to be physically assaulted after a crash.
Stuyven is not messing around on the Taaienberg!
Peter when did you get here?
LOVE.
Twitter says Tom crashed AGAIN but is up. COME BACK AND WIN IT ALL TOM
Who's up here please?
Peter, what I assume is Sep, Stannard, Moscon, and a third Sky they suggest...
Greg, I suppose I should mention.
STYBY
They say he is in the front group!
Peter taking it up at the front!
I mean there's still 50k to go but still.
WOLVENBERG
Yes. It's hard to want anyone else to be World Champion.
Grivko, Goujons, and someone called BOUDAT are also part of the front group, for info.
I mean there are like 5 'groups' up there chasing each other but, you know, UP THERE.
WHAT WHAT LUKE!?
Maybe I misheard because I love him so much.
Peter's like do some work dudes!
PhilGil is chasing somewhere at the front
Save it for Roubaix guy.
So, 1) escapees from earlier no one cares about, 2) Peter's rainbow jersey group, and 3) Luke's dudes ft. PhilGil and Styby. Situation recap.
Alright now I'm just lost.
Group 3 is large and unwieldy
ROWE AND CO
That might have been another translation mishear but also should be the name of like a trendy clothing company
Are they now calling Group 3 the peloton?
Ah everyone's within a minute of each other basically now anyway.
Peter's rainbow club is for sure about to catch these escapees
Boom.
Imagine that comin' atcha.
WHAT'S UP PETER?! He's having a mechanical or something.
40k and 40 seconds between front and peloton.
Luke is I think chatting to a Direct Energie.
Peter does so much work. Surely that's not smart?
Oh finally, I thought, a contribution from Greg! But it was just a dodgy camera angle.
Sep trying to take the lead up the Molenberg
STYBY ATTACKING FROM THE BACK
A little baby group has got away here
Or I dunno there's a lot of splitting up
Sigh. He should be driven around the route anyway so his people may see him.
Peter's bunnyhopping over danger
And then there were three...
Peter Greg and Sep have 33 seconds on everyone else with 28k to go
A lot of OPQS at the front of this chase but we know that's never a good thing.
Greg's bike is shedding shit and it nearly took out Sep. NOT COOL GREG.
GREG
WHAT THE FUCK GET IT TOGETHER. He just went to grab something from the soigneur and nearly clotheslined Sep!
WOOOOAH
Luke just shouted HEY and gave someone the finger.
Think the motorbike was too close for his liking.
P.M.J. Gilbert!? What is he, a wealthy Victorian orphan?
I mean also what are his middle names, just out of curiosity?
This group is still holding at 30 seconds. About the enter the last cobbles of the day.
PMJ Esq. and Styby are at the head of the chase behind
A tailwind eh?!!
15k
Guys this break isn't gonna be caught by a Direct Energie and a Wanty.
Quite an ugly shot of Gent they chose to use there.
GENT IS A STUNNER STOP YOUR PROPAGANDA
Hier met Luke Rowe.
I understand that.
So cute Leo!
Bora got some good teammies in this year with Leo the Lion King and Burgy.
10k and if anything that gap is going UP
I mean Peter needs to win this, if it's gonna be these three.
LUKE AND SYBY IN YER FACE COME ON DIG IN GUYS
Loving that this is a thing. Surely quite cold though if he's been out there for the whole race?
God it's up to 45 seconds now.
Bleurg. It's not that I don't LIKE Greg and Sep it's just
Meh.
Alright Peter. LET'S DO THIS
5k
4
Rowe and Co (Co here being THE ENTIRETY OF OPQS) rolling in whenever here. Save it for Roubaix dudes.
1.5k
KICKIN OFF AT THE FLAMME
Sort of. It looked like it might but didn't.
Peter leading the way OF COURSE
Peter looks back
300 meters
Sep goes from the back
ALL OVER THE ROAD
GREG
NO
DON'T YOU DARE GREG
NO
UGH Peter tried.
Well whatever have this one.
A bizarre solo sprint for fourth from Felline there.
Man Sep really faded there at the end.
Watch me.
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