Vuelta Stage 10, Valencia - Castellon:
Fucking hell does that even count as a breakaway?
Surely that's just the peloton and everyone else is 'off the back'.
Rompen con la cabeza sounds so fucking jazzy for 'the breakaways are breaking away'.
Anyway, it's Riccardo Zoidl and Carlos Verona soloing away.
Huh. Taking a gamble on ol' Uran Uran I see.
Well, more coke for the rest of us!
Could Michal please tell us where the eff he's going?
What's the deal with disc breaks? It's getting it's own segment on Vuelta Extra. Don't seem to be very popular.
This theme music is so intense.
I'm not gonna decide if the peloton goes fast or slow, I'm just gonna be in front. Classic Niki. Niki doesn't have time for your stupid questions.
Tom havin' a little bar and a little joke with a Lotto.
A Giant yells into his radio: 40 guys in front group or [indistinct] group?
Zoidl, TheBoz, and Sammy no longer in this 40 group, among others.
Soon to be everyone, basically, cuz they apparently only have 11 seconds anyway.
All together now. 55k to go.
Here at the back, everybody wants service, everybody wants water.
OH DAMN
NICO DOWN
He's up and moving and stuff but covered in blood.
Puccio with him, think he went down too? He was very chill and solid.
At the medical car now, getting that blood off his arm and out of his pants.
Talanksy also went down apparently.
JESUS HELL. They've slo-moed the GoPro footage from Tejay's crash and it is SO HARSH. He FLIES into the air and lands 1000% on his shoulder. Christ.
Couple more Skys mustered to bring Nico back.
Bout 40 seconds behind the group.
Niki is alone somewhere...
Out front? Cabeza??
Oh recap: 6 went clear and he went solo.
OH IS ILJO THERE TOO
Niki-Iljo 1-2??!
Oh Nico. Back to the group and taking the opportunity to get a new bike.
Iljo and co. caught, Niki still out there solo
Should we just get this out there? This is typical of the Vuelta. Stage winners have been all over the map, not even in the FRAME of people we considered.
Movistar leading things at the front.
They seem content to just let him hang out there.
Ok, the line is not perfect, says Addy, being prepped during the commercial break for his on-air interview.
Niki brought back.
Not only because Henao was there but we also want to sprint with John. DON'T WE ALL.
Yeah Addy wasn't joking about that line. Bye Addy! #Spained.
Everyone rolling along together at 30k.
Coming towards the intermediate sprint, possible race for bonus seconds.
Hup! Froome!
Or not.
Was the banner in the wrong place again? FFS.
Alright well the GPS may be off here once again.
Yeah apparently they're already on the climb... without going through the sprint? Huh.
Maybe Froome's little nudge did the trick.
So up Palm Desert Mountain.
Attack Europcar.
Chased by BMC.
DeMarchi solo up front. Obviously he's been at BMC a year but I'm still confused to see him in red.
Romain Sicard chasing DeMarchi and an FDJ and an IAM chasing him.
Sicard catches DiMarchi.
OMFG THIS IS HYSTERICAL.
They're looking back at this idiotic intermediate sprint and an indeterminate Movistar kinda looks up the road as they're (apparently) coming to it, looks round and sees Froome moving up and then wildly gestures to his guys 'MOVE UP MOVE UP COME ON'. Hilare.
Apparently Movistar went 1-2-3 on it.
Elissonde has caught DeMarchi and Sicard.
Elissonde attacks and is away alone now.
Lawson Craddock leads the peloton.
Tom comes to the front.
Attack OPQS.
Haha, DeMarchi doing an Iljo.
Oh my good lord John has to win today.
Over the top of the climb now, 15.5k to go.
Elissonde really really wants something from his back pocket.
OH NO. Massive fall for Sky.
Henao. His bike has gone over the guardrail and his right side is all torn up.
Kiry stopped with him.
Is it 7 seconds or 30, what the hell are these graphics??
Brambilla is REALLY REALLY trying to catch those three.
NO PRESSURE GIANT. Jesus. They're doing all the work all day.
Tom hanging at the back near Sammy. Cuz why not?
Comin' up on those leaders.
Annnnnnnd caught. 4.5k to go.
Peloton Agrupado.
Lotto swinging all over the front.
Has to be Adam trying something.
A Movistar going for something, taking an OGE and some others.
Everyone stringing out here.
2k to go.
Lotto-Jumbo trying something now.
Astana follows
everyone follows
900m
It's an enormous mess of colours
Astana going for something
LL Sanchez
Oh jesus
It's a free for all
OPQS leads
Van der sande going
JOHN COMING?
OMG
EVERYONE IS THERE
JOHN IS THERE
WAHT
An MTN raised his hands?
WHAT
WHAT
WHAT
WAS IT JOHN PLEASE
WHO WAS IT I CAN'T EVEN TELL ON THE REPLAY
DAMN.
I think that MTN got it.
He came from SO FAR BACK, John.
WHY?!!
Obviously that's nice for MTN and this kid whose first win it is, and obviously when you win MILAN-SANREMO and PARIS-ROUBAIX in ONE SEASON you don't need to do anything, but the pressure on John is so extreme and they keep making him feel bad!
Alright calm yourselves MTN, you posted this three times.
Should they have chosen a simpler hashtag for a team whose first language is predominately not English? (*deleted, edited, and reposted by JVR)
He's really really pleased. He's practically jumping off the podium.
Goddamit. Except that he beat John he's very sweet.
Awww they offered to do the interview in Italian and he said English is fine.
I try already 4 times and today when I cross the line it was I'm still not believe it.
Tehehe. Sounds like the 'break' was a laugh.
Is Nico tweeting in his Irish accent?
Woah. Has he had a brain transplant??
Monday 31 August 2015
Sunday 30 August 2015
The Flying Dutchman!
Vuelta Stage 9, Torrevieja - Cumbre del Sol:
Dan is tellin' it like it is.
Too bad but what a way to go. Ultimate mic drop.
Well that blows.
Dave Millar is not impressed with you.
Sounds familiar.
DOES HE???!!!
Among our breakaways are: G Force, Maarten Tjallingii, Alexis Gougeard, A Van Poppel, and 3 OPQSs.
5 minutes 14 the gap currently.
Organisers can do better and bring more safe-ity to the race, says Juan Antonio.
Not gonna ask questions, but THANK YOU GOD for the working Universal Sports feed.
Katusha leading the chase in a big way.
That moto driver is lucky he didn't get punched in the face after crashing Sagan. I think his kicking and car-hitting is rather tame given the circs.
Yeahhhhh, let's stop trying to justify that accident: statistically it doesn't happen very much, people have to be there to provide assistance and take pictures... Yeah yeah. Motorcycles and cars shouldn't hit bike riders. Point.
Just over 4 minutes for the break with 63k to go.
This break is so confusing. It's so big and G's in it and I keep thinking it's the peloton.
Did that FDJ just hand-sling that Caja Rual? That was odd. Maybe they were just holding hands.
Meanwhile Belgian Ted is trying to kill it over in Plouay.
G!
I think that Caja Rual just likes holding hands. He's embracing his DS now.
Penon de Ifach looks pretty effing awesome.
Didn't Purito win like 20 stages of the Tour de France??? Bike racing is SO HARSH.
Legit like the cutest thing ever in the world though.
Movistar to the front now. Ugh.
Gap coming down to under 3 minutes.
Perhaps the most offensive thing abut Peter leaving the race is that Valv.Piti now wears the green jersey.
Looks like the break is coming to the start of the climb.
Ooof it is steep from the off.
The French are distanced first.
Peloton onto the climb now, under 2 minutes behind.
OPQS are playing an interesting game here.
Bouet is trying to get away it would seem. OPQS surges everywhere.
Ugh BRUTAL. The back of the peloton is DECIMATED and standstill all over this climb.
Breakaway is splitting.
A Lampre leads with Bouet, everyone else dotted everywhere.
Bouet losing contact.
Peloton seems comparatively calm.
We have not seen Quintana really do his magic yet; you gotta wonder when it's coming. YEAH. Stop bigging him up as the greatest bike rider in the history of recorded time. Froome won the Tour (TWICE), Froome won the Mountains, SHUT UP.
HOH boy, that mountain leader Caja Rual was like 5 people behind and managed to drag himself up to get MAXIMUM POINTS for the climb. Nice one.
OPQS is having second place thank you very much.
Yeah pretty impressive on that climb. The gap went right down when the peloton was racing for the base of the climb but it's now back up to nearly 3 minutes.
Bouet is with G. Somewhere. Oh Grupo Perseguidor.
They seems to have joined those front three and now it's OPQS ATTACK AGAIN
Came to nothing.
G, Bouet, Serry, Lampre, Caja Rual and Cofidis ahead.
G legit cannot be killed. You always think he's dead and he just crests a ridge like NO CHAIN.
Think Bouet is telling everyone to work together.
Maarten and Songezo Jim are chasing
... and got them.
Katusha back on the front of the peloton now.
A Tinkoff has joined them too.
This break is so uncohesive it's hilarious.
I wish Iljo was there cuz I bet he'd have some dramatic things to say.
G just grabbed a bottle from the OPQS car. Pretty chill.
Serry didn't seem to mind so hopefully this won't be the start of a Sharks-Jets inter-squad gang war.
Look I like Esteban Chaves but let's all just calm down.
It's practically still the first week of the race isn't it? Did we forget that?
Also, it's the Vuelta. Let's not call him Froome's equal just yet, yeah?
20k to go. Gap at just over 1 minute.
Gap under a minute, Serry goes for it, G follows.
Maarten jumped ahead to take the sprint point.
Break sort of breaking but not really, everyone's just riding near each other but not together.
Onto a bit of a climb here and Maarten now being distanced.
Bouet going ahead at 11k.
With a Tinkoff.
G's playing the part of Iljo Keisse today. Ok, let's go! he's gesturing to his fellow chasers.
Now G is the medical car: Well fuck you too then! And he's off to bridge to the leaders SOLO
Gotcha!
Katusha still all over the front of the peloton. Bit of Astana, Sky doing their own train up the side.
OGE now to the front
Yowch they're gunning for them
The chasers are gettin' realllllll close now.
Bouet attacks!
G follows!
And the Tinkoff.
Three back together.
5k with negligible gaps between the three groups on the road.
Chasers catch the break and that's it, everyone's falling back.
Peloton swallows leaders
Valverde leads Chaves, Purito, Quintana
Quintana goes ahead, Purito follows
Aru's got his wheel now, with Rafal Majka
Valv.Piti goes again.
Back together
Froomey being distanced but not in trouble. Spinning back up
TOMMMMMMMMM
GO TOM
Valv.Piti follows
Those 2 ahead a bit
FUCK YOU I'M FROOME
He's back on the front of the group
Chaves chases Tom
Everyone near together but Tom leads
Valv.Piti distanced
All together across the road
Aru attacks, but nothing.
Froome separated but riding his own pace.
Tom goes again!!!
TOM TOM TOM
No one responds!
SKY RESPONDS
Tom is away alone!
Nico and Froomey at the front of this select group.
SKY ACCELERATION
Majka goes to attack but then a spectator nearly took out Chaves and blocks his way
Majka attacks for real this time!
Got the gap!
Sammy Sanchez trying to get to the back of this group
Froome goes again back there!
HE'S GOING
HE IS FUCKING GOING
FROOME IS A KILLER
Chaves down down down
GRINDING AWAY ON THE STEEPEST PART OF THE CLIMB
I AM A GRAND TOUR WINNER BITCH
Froome nearly on Tom's wheel!
Got him!
Purito goes around
Froome is after him!
Tom dropped behind
FROOME IS A FUCKING BADASS THERE AREN'T WORDS
YOU CANNOT KILL ME
HE IS SO FAR AWAY IT IS RIDICULOUS
HE IS JUST RIDING AWAY
150 meters
TOM IS COMING FOR HIM
TOM IS COMING
TOM PASSES HIM
TOM WINS
FROOME SECOND
OH MY FUCKING GOD THAT WAS IMMENSE
Tom looks like he's dying
That was fucking insane. What a fighter.
Ok since Tom got everything else Froomey should get Most Aggressive cuz those two were utter fireworks today.
YEAH let's stop talking about Chaves and START TALKING ABOUT TOM.
Captain Curvers knows.
Tom looks good in white but GREAT in red!
Tom you're the best.
Awwww Addy!
Not a place for effusive emotion, Team Sky. Le Crow joined in as well.
Ti-red and obviously disappoint, is Esteban.
Christ Tom sounds American sometimes, it's weird.
Froomey is so affable in his post-stage interview.
Today's Inside NASA Space Station brought to you by IAM.
Dan is tellin' it like it is.
Too bad but what a way to go. Ultimate mic drop.
Well that blows.
Dave Millar is not impressed with you.
Sounds familiar.
DOES HE???!!!
Among our breakaways are: G Force, Maarten Tjallingii, Alexis Gougeard, A Van Poppel, and 3 OPQSs.
5 minutes 14 the gap currently.
Organisers can do better and bring more safe-ity to the race, says Juan Antonio.
Not gonna ask questions, but THANK YOU GOD for the working Universal Sports feed.
Katusha leading the chase in a big way.
That moto driver is lucky he didn't get punched in the face after crashing Sagan. I think his kicking and car-hitting is rather tame given the circs.
Yeahhhhh, let's stop trying to justify that accident: statistically it doesn't happen very much, people have to be there to provide assistance and take pictures... Yeah yeah. Motorcycles and cars shouldn't hit bike riders. Point.
Just over 4 minutes for the break with 63k to go.
This break is so confusing. It's so big and G's in it and I keep thinking it's the peloton.
Did that FDJ just hand-sling that Caja Rual? That was odd. Maybe they were just holding hands.
Meanwhile Belgian Ted is trying to kill it over in Plouay.
G!
I think that Caja Rual just likes holding hands. He's embracing his DS now.
Penon de Ifach looks pretty effing awesome.
Didn't Purito win like 20 stages of the Tour de France??? Bike racing is SO HARSH.
Legit like the cutest thing ever in the world though.
Movistar to the front now. Ugh.
Gap coming down to under 3 minutes.
Perhaps the most offensive thing abut Peter leaving the race is that Valv.Piti now wears the green jersey.
Looks like the break is coming to the start of the climb.
Ooof it is steep from the off.
The French are distanced first.
Peloton onto the climb now, under 2 minutes behind.
OPQS are playing an interesting game here.
Bouet is trying to get away it would seem. OPQS surges everywhere.
Ugh BRUTAL. The back of the peloton is DECIMATED and standstill all over this climb.
Breakaway is splitting.
A Lampre leads with Bouet, everyone else dotted everywhere.
Bouet losing contact.
Peloton seems comparatively calm.
We have not seen Quintana really do his magic yet; you gotta wonder when it's coming. YEAH. Stop bigging him up as the greatest bike rider in the history of recorded time. Froome won the Tour (TWICE), Froome won the Mountains, SHUT UP.
HOH boy, that mountain leader Caja Rual was like 5 people behind and managed to drag himself up to get MAXIMUM POINTS for the climb. Nice one.
OPQS is having second place thank you very much.
Yeah pretty impressive on that climb. The gap went right down when the peloton was racing for the base of the climb but it's now back up to nearly 3 minutes.
Bouet is with G. Somewhere. Oh Grupo Perseguidor.
They seems to have joined those front three and now it's OPQS ATTACK AGAIN
Came to nothing.
G, Bouet, Serry, Lampre, Caja Rual and Cofidis ahead.
G legit cannot be killed. You always think he's dead and he just crests a ridge like NO CHAIN.
Think Bouet is telling everyone to work together.
Maarten and Songezo Jim are chasing
... and got them.
Katusha back on the front of the peloton now.
A Tinkoff has joined them too.
This break is so uncohesive it's hilarious.
I wish Iljo was there cuz I bet he'd have some dramatic things to say.
G just grabbed a bottle from the OPQS car. Pretty chill.
Serry didn't seem to mind so hopefully this won't be the start of a Sharks-Jets inter-squad gang war.
Look I like Esteban Chaves but let's all just calm down.
It's practically still the first week of the race isn't it? Did we forget that?
Also, it's the Vuelta. Let's not call him Froome's equal just yet, yeah?
20k to go. Gap at just over 1 minute.
Gap under a minute, Serry goes for it, G follows.
Maarten jumped ahead to take the sprint point.
Break sort of breaking but not really, everyone's just riding near each other but not together.
Onto a bit of a climb here and Maarten now being distanced.
Bouet going ahead at 11k.
With a Tinkoff.
G's playing the part of Iljo Keisse today. Ok, let's go! he's gesturing to his fellow chasers.
Now G is the medical car: Well fuck you too then! And he's off to bridge to the leaders SOLO
Gotcha!
Katusha still all over the front of the peloton. Bit of Astana, Sky doing their own train up the side.
OGE now to the front
Yowch they're gunning for them
The chasers are gettin' realllllll close now.
Bouet attacks!
G follows!
And the Tinkoff.
Three back together.
5k with negligible gaps between the three groups on the road.
Chasers catch the break and that's it, everyone's falling back.
Peloton swallows leaders
Valverde leads Chaves, Purito, Quintana
Quintana goes ahead, Purito follows
Aru's got his wheel now, with Rafal Majka
Valv.Piti goes again.
Back together
Froomey being distanced but not in trouble. Spinning back up
TOMMMMMMMMM
GO TOM
Valv.Piti follows
Those 2 ahead a bit
FUCK YOU I'M FROOME
He's back on the front of the group
Chaves chases Tom
Everyone near together but Tom leads
Valv.Piti distanced
All together across the road
Aru attacks, but nothing.
Froome separated but riding his own pace.
Tom goes again!!!
TOM TOM TOM
No one responds!
SKY RESPONDS
Tom is away alone!
Nico and Froomey at the front of this select group.
SKY ACCELERATION
Majka goes to attack but then a spectator nearly took out Chaves and blocks his way
Majka attacks for real this time!
Got the gap!
Sammy Sanchez trying to get to the back of this group
Froome goes again back there!
HE'S GOING
HE IS FUCKING GOING
FROOME IS A KILLER
Chaves down down down
GRINDING AWAY ON THE STEEPEST PART OF THE CLIMB
I AM A GRAND TOUR WINNER BITCH
Froome nearly on Tom's wheel!
Got him!
Purito goes around
Froome is after him!
Tom dropped behind
FROOME IS A FUCKING BADASS THERE AREN'T WORDS
YOU CANNOT KILL ME
HE IS SO FAR AWAY IT IS RIDICULOUS
HE IS JUST RIDING AWAY
150 meters
TOM IS COMING FOR HIM
TOM IS COMING
TOM PASSES HIM
TOM WINS
FROOME SECOND
OH MY FUCKING GOD THAT WAS IMMENSE
Tom looks like he's dying
That was fucking insane. What a fighter.
Ok since Tom got everything else Froomey should get Most Aggressive cuz those two were utter fireworks today.
YEAH let's stop talking about Chaves and START TALKING ABOUT TOM.
Captain Curvers knows.
Tom looks good in white but GREAT in red!
Tom you're the best.
Awwww Addy!
Not a place for effusive emotion, Team Sky. Le Crow joined in as well.
Ti-red and obviously disappoint, is Esteban.
Christ Tom sounds American sometimes, it's weird.
Froomey is so affable in his post-stage interview.
Today's Inside NASA Space Station brought to you by IAM.
Saturday 29 August 2015
Motos Out. Drones In.
Vuelta Stage 8, Puebla de Don Frabrique - Murcia:
Jesus christ I actually didn't get past Iljo's name there; turns out it's the BEST BREAKAWAY EVA.
STAY AWAY STAY AWAY only half the stage to go!
Well this is going to be annoying if the video is 10 seconds ahead of the audio all day.
Oh great. Valv.Piti is from Murcia.
Sad face. Gap is already down to 1.44.
Ooop looks like a crash.
Ooooh fuck, they say Tejay looks like a broken collarbone. Oh there he is, jesus, lying on the ground holding his shoulder.
All of Lotto seems to be down.
A Garmindale sitting in the grass apparently?
It's not Dan is it?? It looks like Dan.
It didn't look anything like Ben King, Carlton you asshole.
Bouhanni too again if you can believe.
Cracking on ahead up here I guess.
Splits in the group, possibly because of the crash.
Oops back from commercial break and Iljo is falling back to the main group. Alex and a few others 25 seconds ahead.
Alex is trying to pull ahead.
Annnnnd he's gone solo.
Christ. The king is dead long live the king. Cycling Weekly really don't want to be scooped, has this even been confirmed??
Oh hiiiiii Iljo!
The fucking second time of asking. Carlton Kirby should not be allowed to commentate on circuits.
Soldiering on solo up front with Alex.
He's got like 40 seconds.
Niki! Allllooo.
Alex onto the descent.
OH FOR FUCKS. He fell!!
Jesus hell he came unclipped and tried to control and went straight for the corner on the precipice and then launched off the front and fell on his face!
Oh Alex. Passed on the descent by a Caja Rual. His chain is off now.
This descent is a bit of a mess.
No news on Dan?
Niki's just hanging around the front on his own, tucked in behind Tinkoff.
Everyone's racing to the base of the climb.
Sky TAKING OVER.
Giant's up there too.
G off the back here?
WAOOOO Niki!
Now it's Brambilla leading. A Lotto-Jumbo is trying to get to him.
Goddammit. Dan really has such extreme unluck.
TheBoz leading with a Garmindale and Niki behind.
They're away!
Everyone's going mental now though.
Up front Brambilla, Caja Rual, and a Lampre.
Chasers Niki, an FDJ, a JJ Rojas, a Sky, a Katusha.
Tom Dumoulin leading the peloton!
Skys follow, and Chaves.
Niki falling back to the peloton.
Or is he?
Oh god back onto the descent.
What happened??? Are they looking at different pictures?? What happened to Niki!
Oh man JJ Rojas went over Howes' Barrier.
It's literally impossible to follow what is happening on this descent.
We'll wait for the inevitable regrouping on the flat.
Back from commercial. Attacks thick and fast.
GO PETER
Jam-ay do san twa. Fucking hell. That's a Sean Kelly interpretation of jamais deux sans trois.
PETER NO!!!!!!!!!!
Did he get knocked by a motorbike!!!??
He is KICKING the motorbikes and missing half his shorts. Oh my god.
Wooah. Words are being had with the medical car. The medical car is like well fuck you too then! And sped off. Very professional.
There are some people up front apparently but who knows who they are. Under 6k with 12 seconds maybe?
IS THIS ADAM?!?!!
ATTACK ATTACK
Trek about to catch these guys.
Maybe.
Fucking hell between the wrong clocks the shitty camera work and the fucking incompetent commentary I literally don't know WHAT the fuck is going on.
I THINK we're all back together. Just under 3k.
Riccardo Zoidl leading the peloton.
IS ADAM GOING AGAIN!?!!
GO ADAM GO
OMFG 1.2k but they are RIGHT BEHIND HIM
ADAMMMMMMMMMMMM
AH JESUS THIS IS MURDERING ME
DAMMIT. Caught at like I dunno 500m
Ahh mini bunch sprint
Trek! Who are you?
Naturally the commentators don't know who it is either. Helpful.
Ahahaha! Lovely.
Nico keepin' up high there.
Fuuuuuuckin hell there are gonna be some words from Peter tonight.
Off-air footage is the greatest. They always head over to Ashley and Juan Antonio slightly early and they're like checking their phones and shit.
He's just come past us just now and he. is. mad.
This year happen too many time similar thing. YES Juan Antonio. What the hell.
Juan Antonio is very upset.
OMFG Juan Antonio knows too.
Apparently the neutral service bike 'clipped' him from behind.
"Crash in the ass"??? Esteban's Vuelta Extra is getting more looney day by day.
I think I also probably agree with the sentiment but jesus christ this sounds amazingly dramatic and apocalyptic.
Like the call to war for the inevitable robot revolution. I'm obsessed.
Nice shot G. That's what I imagine the NASA project looks like from the inside.
Update:
Ah Dan, we know. It's a separated shoulder for our man Dan, though he maintains remarkable perspective about the whole thing. Heal up quick Dan!
Honestly UCI. You're only hurting yourselves. Ned's distillation of the offence as 'being angry at almost being killed' is sublime though.
Whatever happened to good ol' injuries and menace?
Rather measured response I'd say, given what went down.
The hell??! He did casually mention in passing on Vuelta Extra that he was caught up in the first crash, but man... hardman.
Fucking hell. Biggest, healingest wishes to Kris Boeckmans!
Sometimes imperfect translations really say it best.
Nice shot G. That's what I imagine the NASA project looks like from the inside.
Update:
Ah Dan, we know. It's a separated shoulder for our man Dan, though he maintains remarkable perspective about the whole thing. Heal up quick Dan!
Honestly UCI. You're only hurting yourselves. Ned's distillation of the offence as 'being angry at almost being killed' is sublime though.
Whatever happened to good ol' injuries and menace?
Rather measured response I'd say, given what went down.
The hell??! He did casually mention in passing on Vuelta Extra that he was caught up in the first crash, but man... hardman.
Fucking hell. Biggest, healingest wishes to Kris Boeckmans!
Sometimes imperfect translations really say it best.
Friday 28 August 2015
Jackpot!
Vuelta Stage 7, Jodar - La Alpujarra:
WAHHHHHHHHHT!?!? DAN MARTIN IS ABOUT TO KILL IT.
Wee Pierre to Garmin, Dan to OPQS, shit is about to GET REAL.
Plus Adam joining (re-joining? I mean he's actually got quite the list of employers) the big boys at Saxo.
Not to mention Ryder and Pete Stetina to Trek, which is interesting if not LIFE CHANGING like the above.
Also, Kwiato, just tell us where you're going would you?
Also, why is everyone going to GP Canadas this year???? Guys, THE TOUR OF BRITAIN.
No, not you. No one's talking to you.
OMFG this poor soul who knocked down Bolt on that segway. He's giving him a bracelet and it is just like the saddest thing I've ever seen.
I don't understand why Universal Sports was all over it 3 days ago and now they are one day behind. I am left with Carlton Kirby and I don't know if I'll survive.
... I complain as I clearly watch some stolen hacked feed for free.
But seriously some of the most amusing stuff came on that off-air feed.
But I guess that's the price you pay for Ashley House and Juans to Watch.
'First cet-egory' (like kedgeree) is the best foreign pronunciation from Juan yet.
Also down the rabbit hole of adorableness (here meaning 'videos of Chris Froome'), these videos are the cutest. All five of them. I especially enjoy the behind the scenes look at being a DS, proving there's more to it than just being a superhot dude.
Though that's a big part.
Ok but seriously, is Adam Hansen LITERALLY THE CUTEST HUMAN THAT HAS EVER EXISTED?????! I love him.
If Carlton Kirby could say ANYTHING except "I think these guys might get away today, Sean" OVER AND OVER again, maybe I could pay attention to this race.
MERCIFUL GOD Universal Sports has finally come through!
Even the video quality seems better.
Anyway ok, this breakaway had 14 minutes at one point but is now down to 9 and a half.
Woah, all of Movistar to the front! ALL.
Olivier Le Gac?? Is that made up??
Who's this Columbia with a red number? I thought Stevo was Most Aggressive yesterday?
That break is comin' DOWN.
Hey Peter! Snacktime! ...Hot tea?
Comin' up to this climb now for the breakaway. Bout 3k to go. Gap down to 6.30.
Who's this Sky at the back? TheBoz?
Break onto the climb now.
And now the leaders too.
Aww this poor Caja Rual dropping off the back but thumbs-upping and smiling very sweetly.
Oh. Moreno. I did want to see you. I didn't mean to conjure you falling off the back of this group on the climb.
And lovely Adam.
Smile, peace sign.. MARRY ME.
Pierre? Front or back???
Back.
Grupetto Party!
Turns out I could write for Cycling Weekly. I can spot the stories.
Not gonna be happy today, our Peter. A mild 95 degrees for over 110 miles.
G's up at the front with his open jersey flapping in the wind.
Allooo Froome's elbows! Briefly glimpsed in passing. Chillin' near Nico.
Chava off the back. Nearly taken out by that Movistar's thrown bottle.
Dan well up there.
Tom as well.
Astana on the front now.
8k, breakaway with 3 minutes.
Jerome Cousin trying to get away from this breakaway.
Oh hey Dario! Well, bye Dario, I guess. Join the Grupetto Party!
The break's still doing dances up there.
Who's this Koshovoy kid? This better not be one of those exciting, explosive stages where a Lampre wins, thus dulling the whole day's affairs.
Sammy Sanchez?? He's always around in these groups, getting me excited, then it comes to nothing.
Jerome Cousin has now joined that Lampre.
3k with just over 2 minutes.
The 14% ramps come at 1k to go apparently.
Movistar back on the front. Not impressed with Astana's work it would seem.
Some moves back here...
Now Tinkoff-Saxo leading.
Rafal Majka second position, Dan behind him.
DO NOT LEAVE IT TOO LATE DAN.
The Lotto-Jumbo joined the two breakaways up there. So three ahead. Gap at 1.44.
Cousin going solo
What's kind of funny is Amets Txurruka already won the combativity award for today.
1k for those three but they are weaving all over the road.
DAN
Dan shot out but like almost immediately stopped.
Somebody do something back here!
Ah Froome! He's dropping!
And now Aru goes. THIS ISN'T WHAT I MEANT.
Froome back on. Everything is fine. Anything can happen now, it's all good.
This Lotto!!!!! THAT'S OK!!! LOTTO WINS NOTHING GO LOTTO!!!
Who even is this?!!!
Bert Jan Lindeman
Not even kidding, is this their first win of 2015?
FROOME!
Aru came in ahead then some other faves. Two Skys?? But not Froome? Nico I assume and G maybe?
Here's Froomey, with Sammy Sanchez.
Tejay even further behind.
Ok that wasn't that bad. Let's all calm down.
Straight back down goes Froomey. Got my water bottle, see you later.
Oh it was Nieve. So Froomey only lost like 30 seconds to the other main guys.
It was weird though, he didn't even look like he cracked. It was like he was back at the cars and got caught out or something cuz then he just powered up. Anyway, weird.
Those cheeky Irish though, Dan and Nico keeping a good position.
Whaaaa? Jerome Cousin got SCREWED! They're showing footage there of him like I dunno, completely being knocked out of his pedals and being left behind. Well that explains that.
Let's be real. Froomey doesn't need to win the Vuelta.
Juan also speaks Dutch?
"Yes tonight a big party!" confirms Bert.
Sammy pulling focus on this Mikel Landa interview.
It doesn't seem like a Sky Grand Tour without Leo. They always chatted to him regardless of what was going on cuz he's so lovely.
Haha, Rafal Majka looks like some dude they grabbed on the side of the mountain!! He's changed into a polo and hat and has like a messenger bag or something. He's like an exchange student!
Something about this Vuelta theme music is weirdly surreal.
WAHHHHHHHHHT!?!? DAN MARTIN IS ABOUT TO KILL IT.
Wee Pierre to Garmin, Dan to OPQS, shit is about to GET REAL.
Plus Adam joining (re-joining? I mean he's actually got quite the list of employers) the big boys at Saxo.
Not to mention Ryder and Pete Stetina to Trek, which is interesting if not LIFE CHANGING like the above.
Also, Kwiato, just tell us where you're going would you?
Also, why is everyone going to GP Canadas this year???? Guys, THE TOUR OF BRITAIN.
No, not you. No one's talking to you.
OMFG this poor soul who knocked down Bolt on that segway. He's giving him a bracelet and it is just like the saddest thing I've ever seen.
I don't understand why Universal Sports was all over it 3 days ago and now they are one day behind. I am left with Carlton Kirby and I don't know if I'll survive.
... I complain as I clearly watch some stolen hacked feed for free.
But seriously some of the most amusing stuff came on that off-air feed.
But I guess that's the price you pay for Ashley House and Juans to Watch.
'First cet-egory' (like kedgeree) is the best foreign pronunciation from Juan yet.
Also down the rabbit hole of adorableness (here meaning 'videos of Chris Froome'), these videos are the cutest. All five of them. I especially enjoy the behind the scenes look at being a DS, proving there's more to it than just being a superhot dude.
Though that's a big part.
Ok but seriously, is Adam Hansen LITERALLY THE CUTEST HUMAN THAT HAS EVER EXISTED?????! I love him.
If Carlton Kirby could say ANYTHING except "I think these guys might get away today, Sean" OVER AND OVER again, maybe I could pay attention to this race.
MERCIFUL GOD Universal Sports has finally come through!
Even the video quality seems better.
Anyway ok, this breakaway had 14 minutes at one point but is now down to 9 and a half.
Woah, all of Movistar to the front! ALL.
Olivier Le Gac?? Is that made up??
Who's this Columbia with a red number? I thought Stevo was Most Aggressive yesterday?
That break is comin' DOWN.
Hey Peter! Snacktime! ...Hot tea?
Comin' up to this climb now for the breakaway. Bout 3k to go. Gap down to 6.30.
Who's this Sky at the back? TheBoz?
Break onto the climb now.
And now the leaders too.
Aww this poor Caja Rual dropping off the back but thumbs-upping and smiling very sweetly.
Oh. Moreno. I did want to see you. I didn't mean to conjure you falling off the back of this group on the climb.
And lovely Adam.
Smile, peace sign.. MARRY ME.
Pierre? Front or back???
Back.
Grupetto Party!
Turns out I could write for Cycling Weekly. I can spot the stories.
Not gonna be happy today, our Peter. A mild 95 degrees for over 110 miles.
G's up at the front with his open jersey flapping in the wind.
Allooo Froome's elbows! Briefly glimpsed in passing. Chillin' near Nico.
Chava off the back. Nearly taken out by that Movistar's thrown bottle.
Dan well up there.
Tom as well.
Astana on the front now.
8k, breakaway with 3 minutes.
Jerome Cousin trying to get away from this breakaway.
Oh hey Dario! Well, bye Dario, I guess. Join the Grupetto Party!
The break's still doing dances up there.
Who's this Koshovoy kid? This better not be one of those exciting, explosive stages where a Lampre wins, thus dulling the whole day's affairs.
Sammy Sanchez?? He's always around in these groups, getting me excited, then it comes to nothing.
Jerome Cousin has now joined that Lampre.
3k with just over 2 minutes.
The 14% ramps come at 1k to go apparently.
Movistar back on the front. Not impressed with Astana's work it would seem.
Some moves back here...
Now Tinkoff-Saxo leading.
Rafal Majka second position, Dan behind him.
DO NOT LEAVE IT TOO LATE DAN.
The Lotto-Jumbo joined the two breakaways up there. So three ahead. Gap at 1.44.
Cousin going solo
What's kind of funny is Amets Txurruka already won the combativity award for today.
1k for those three but they are weaving all over the road.
DAN
Dan shot out but like almost immediately stopped.
Somebody do something back here!
Ah Froome! He's dropping!
And now Aru goes. THIS ISN'T WHAT I MEANT.
Froome back on. Everything is fine. Anything can happen now, it's all good.
This Lotto!!!!! THAT'S OK!!! LOTTO WINS NOTHING GO LOTTO!!!
Who even is this?!!!
Bert Jan Lindeman
Not even kidding, is this their first win of 2015?
FROOME!
Aru came in ahead then some other faves. Two Skys?? But not Froome? Nico I assume and G maybe?
Here's Froomey, with Sammy Sanchez.
Tejay even further behind.
Ok that wasn't that bad. Let's all calm down.
Straight back down goes Froomey. Got my water bottle, see you later.
Oh it was Nieve. So Froomey only lost like 30 seconds to the other main guys.
It was weird though, he didn't even look like he cracked. It was like he was back at the cars and got caught out or something cuz then he just powered up. Anyway, weird.
Those cheeky Irish though, Dan and Nico keeping a good position.
Whaaaa? Jerome Cousin got SCREWED! They're showing footage there of him like I dunno, completely being knocked out of his pedals and being left behind. Well that explains that.
Let's be real. Froomey doesn't need to win the Vuelta.
Juan also speaks Dutch?
"Yes tonight a big party!" confirms Bert.
Sammy pulling focus on this Mikel Landa interview.
It doesn't seem like a Sky Grand Tour without Leo. They always chatted to him regardless of what was going on cuz he's so lovely.
Haha, Rafal Majka looks like some dude they grabbed on the side of the mountain!! He's changed into a polo and hat and has like a messenger bag or something. He's like an exchange student!
Something about this Vuelta theme music is weirdly surreal.
Thursday 27 August 2015
Dutch Courage
Vuelta Stage 6, Cordoba - Sierra de Cazorla:
Uhhh is there a reason Universal Sports is rebroadcasting Stage 5 right now?
I THOUGHT I WAS SAVED FROM CARLTON KIRBY AND NOW I'M NOT.
Steve Schlanger is clearly the weak link of the US commentary team (even when VDV was faltering), but he has literally saved this Vuelta for me. DON'T LEAVE ME WITH CARLTON.
Before addressing today's excellent breakaway (Stevo AND Niki?!!), let's just address yesterday's: hello love of my life.
There was quite a bit of chatter on the behind the scenes off-air feed of Universal Sports, but I could only make out the end (featured in that picture), where Iljo shouted: Ok, let's continue!
...And not in a motivating, team building kind of way.
Given the gesturing, the commentators offered the diplomatic: I'm not getting the audio of what he may have said.
... I'm gonna need those gestures because ALL THE FEEDS in ALL THE WORLD are broken. Except Carlton Kirby. Murder me.
Iljoooooooooooo! Allllllooooo! Wearing his combativity numbers and chattin' on the radio at the back. His podium yesterday with like local school children or whatever was possibly the cutest thing I've ever seen. I think my ovaries broke when he was attempting to tell the tiny kinder to join him on the top step. He is lovely; his instagram is full of preciousness.
Well Johnny didn't pull it off yesterday, but the VERY ADORABLE Tom Dumoulin pulled on red!
Goddammit I got distracted, but what was the occasion for THIS?!
I often feel lukewarm towards OGE and their early Grand Tour dominance and then they make AMAZING PR SHIT like this and I LOVE THEM.
Also, Froomey's 'yo'??? I DIE.
So thank god Tom is a suitable cuteness rival to Esteban Chaves.
In other wrap-up news, WOAH. Pierre, so un-French. So ambitious. Get it, Pierre.
Oh. Tejay, hello. Perhaps his lying low-- to the point I forgot he was in the race-- is psychological warfare?
So anyway, today we've got Stevo and Niki here and some other people but who cares about them?
And even if you did want to know you would never fucking find out because CARLTON KIRBY CANNOT EVEN DO BASIC COMMENTATING.
Cuz like, who's the BMC, I'd like to know?
And I'm not being funny, but is the camera footage at the Vuelta less good? It's often at a sort of weird distance or something that makes it difficult to tell who the hell you're looking at.
Also, #Spained.
WOAAAAAH STEVO!!!!!!!
COUNTER ATTACKED YOUR ASS.
You wanna go? YOU WANNA GO!?!!
Niki on the chase, obvs. Who else was gonna challenge from that group.
Garmin are having a quiet one so far aren't they? Apart from the theft and the donkey rides. As a representative of the International King Dynasty, I love him, but is this the Vuelta a Ben?
Basically I guess I mean: where is Moreno Moser?
In addition to generally being shit, is Carlton Kirby also a coke fiend? Why is he always fucking sniffling??? I hate this man.
Awwwwwwwwwwww, Chaves goes by Stevo.
Cripes Stevo was practically standstill in the road on that hill.
He did come back from the dead last time though.... GO ON STEVE!
Giant are climbing!!!!!
GO TOM GO TOM
Tom alone chasing Esteban!
Ahhh chasers in the background!
It's mayhem back here at 900 meters
DANNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!
DAN GO ONNNNNNNNNNNNNN
DAN KILL IT!
He always seems to leave it too late, DON'T LEAVE IT TOO LATE DAN
Dan getting up to Tom!
WAHHHH IS THAT NICO!
Well.
It'll be Chaves won't it.
Yup.
Classic Dan. Second place.
Tom in third.
Froomey gettin' in there for a cheeky 6th or so.
Dan's sneakily creeping up the GC though, presumably. The long game, Dan, the long game.
I mean the best thing about Esteban Chaves winning/leading is the afterparty with Juan Antonio Fletcha and Ashley House. That legitimately is fantastic.
Plus I guess they were totally decimated at the Tour and always fade after the first week so, you know, I guess, Go Team!
Also Ashley House is getting increasingly foreign and it's hysterical.
Can Juan Antonio be president of something?? Like Spain? Or THE WORLD??
Oh shit Neil Stephens. Jokes. Hey Froomey! I gotta belter!
Can Juan Antonio, Ashley and Esteban be some sort of travelling tour of joy???
Juan Antonio just acknowledged someone off camera with a wink.
Oh christ I think maybe it was Peter because now he's here. He should be a part of the travelling tour of joy too. They interview these two EVERY DAY and it is ALWAYS EXCELLENT. Everyone is giddy and amazing.
Well one thing we know about Peter. He is no fan of the heat.
HE IS KILLER: "It's bad. It's very bad. You take a bottle from the car, after five minutes you have tea, (miming) 'ohhh nice tea'."
Uhhh is there a reason Universal Sports is rebroadcasting Stage 5 right now?
I THOUGHT I WAS SAVED FROM CARLTON KIRBY AND NOW I'M NOT.
Steve Schlanger is clearly the weak link of the US commentary team (even when VDV was faltering), but he has literally saved this Vuelta for me. DON'T LEAVE ME WITH CARLTON.
Before addressing today's excellent breakaway (Stevo AND Niki?!!), let's just address yesterday's: hello love of my life.
There was quite a bit of chatter on the behind the scenes off-air feed of Universal Sports, but I could only make out the end (featured in that picture), where Iljo shouted: Ok, let's continue!
...And not in a motivating, team building kind of way.
Given the gesturing, the commentators offered the diplomatic: I'm not getting the audio of what he may have said.
... I'm gonna need those gestures because ALL THE FEEDS in ALL THE WORLD are broken. Except Carlton Kirby. Murder me.
Iljoooooooooooo! Allllllooooo! Wearing his combativity numbers and chattin' on the radio at the back. His podium yesterday with like local school children or whatever was possibly the cutest thing I've ever seen. I think my ovaries broke when he was attempting to tell the tiny kinder to join him on the top step. He is lovely; his instagram is full of preciousness.
Well Johnny didn't pull it off yesterday, but the VERY ADORABLE Tom Dumoulin pulled on red!
Goddammit I got distracted, but what was the occasion for THIS?!
I often feel lukewarm towards OGE and their early Grand Tour dominance and then they make AMAZING PR SHIT like this and I LOVE THEM.
Also, Froomey's 'yo'??? I DIE.
So thank god Tom is a suitable cuteness rival to Esteban Chaves.
In other wrap-up news, WOAH. Pierre, so un-French. So ambitious. Get it, Pierre.
Oh. Tejay, hello. Perhaps his lying low-- to the point I forgot he was in the race-- is psychological warfare?
So anyway, today we've got Stevo and Niki here and some other people but who cares about them?
And even if you did want to know you would never fucking find out because CARLTON KIRBY CANNOT EVEN DO BASIC COMMENTATING.
Cuz like, who's the BMC, I'd like to know?
And I'm not being funny, but is the camera footage at the Vuelta less good? It's often at a sort of weird distance or something that makes it difficult to tell who the hell you're looking at.
Also, #Spained.
WOAAAAAH STEVO!!!!!!!
COUNTER ATTACKED YOUR ASS.
You wanna go? YOU WANNA GO!?!!
Niki on the chase, obvs. Who else was gonna challenge from that group.
Garmin are having a quiet one so far aren't they? Apart from the theft and the donkey rides. As a representative of the International King Dynasty, I love him, but is this the Vuelta a Ben?
Basically I guess I mean: where is Moreno Moser?
In addition to generally being shit, is Carlton Kirby also a coke fiend? Why is he always fucking sniffling??? I hate this man.
Awwwwwwwwwwww, Chaves goes by Stevo.
Cripes Stevo was practically standstill in the road on that hill.
He did come back from the dead last time though.... GO ON STEVE!
Giant are climbing!!!!!
GO TOM GO TOM
Tom alone chasing Esteban!
Ahhh chasers in the background!
It's mayhem back here at 900 meters
DANNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!
DAN GO ONNNNNNNNNNNNNN
DAN KILL IT!
He always seems to leave it too late, DON'T LEAVE IT TOO LATE DAN
Dan getting up to Tom!
WAHHHH IS THAT NICO!
Well.
It'll be Chaves won't it.
Yup.
Classic Dan. Second place.
Tom in third.
Froomey gettin' in there for a cheeky 6th or so.
Dan's sneakily creeping up the GC though, presumably. The long game, Dan, the long game.
I mean the best thing about Esteban Chaves winning/leading is the afterparty with Juan Antonio Fletcha and Ashley House. That legitimately is fantastic.
Plus I guess they were totally decimated at the Tour and always fade after the first week so, you know, I guess, Go Team!
Also Ashley House is getting increasingly foreign and it's hysterical.
Can Juan Antonio be president of something?? Like Spain? Or THE WORLD??
Oh shit Neil Stephens. Jokes. Hey Froomey! I gotta belter!
Can Juan Antonio, Ashley and Esteban be some sort of travelling tour of joy???
Juan Antonio just acknowledged someone off camera with a wink.
Oh christ I think maybe it was Peter because now he's here. He should be a part of the travelling tour of joy too. They interview these two EVERY DAY and it is ALWAYS EXCELLENT. Everyone is giddy and amazing.
Well one thing we know about Peter. He is no fan of the heat.
HE IS KILLER: "It's bad. It's very bad. You take a bottle from the car, after five minutes you have tea, (miming) 'ohhh nice tea'."
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