Bicycles Break Hearts

Vuelta Stage 10, Valencia - Castellon:

Fucking hell does that even count as a breakaway?

Surely that's just the peloton and everyone else is 'off the back'.

Rompen con la cabeza sounds so fucking jazzy for 'the breakaways are breaking away'.

Anyway, it's Riccardo Zoidl and Carlos Verona soloing away.

Huh. Taking a gamble on ol' Uran Uran I see.

Well, more coke for the rest of us!

Could Michal please tell us where the eff he's going?

What's the deal with disc breaks? It's getting it's own segment on Vuelta Extra. Don't seem to be very popular.

This theme music is so intense.

I'm not gonna decide if the peloton goes fast or slow, I'm just gonna be in front. Classic Niki. Niki doesn't have time for your stupid questions.

Tom havin' a little bar and a little joke with a Lotto.

A Giant yells into his radio: 40 guys in front group or [indistinct] group?

Zoidl, TheBoz, and Sammy no longer in this 40 group, among others.

Soon to be everyone, basically, cuz they apparently only have 11 seconds anyway.

All together now. 55k to go.

Here at the back, everybody wants service, everybody wants water.

OH DAMN

NICO DOWN

He's up and moving and stuff but covered in blood.

Puccio with him, think he went down too? He was very chill and solid.

At the medical car now, getting that blood off his arm and out of his pants.

Talanksy also went down apparently.

JESUS HELL. They've slo-moed the GoPro footage from Tejay's crash and it is SO HARSH. He FLIES into the air and lands 1000% on his shoulder. Christ.

Couple more Skys mustered to bring Nico back.

Bout 40 seconds behind the group.

Niki is alone somewhere...

Out front? Cabeza??

Oh recap: 6 went clear and he went solo.

OH IS ILJO THERE TOO

Niki-Iljo 1-2??!

Oh Nico. Back to the group and taking the opportunity to get a new bike.

Iljo and co. caught, Niki still out there solo

Should we just get this out there? This is typical of the Vuelta. Stage winners have been all over the map, not even in the FRAME of people we considered.

Movistar leading things at the front.

They seem content to just let him hang out there.

Ok, the line is not perfect, says Addy, being prepped during the commercial break for his on-air interview.

Niki brought back.

Not only because Henao was there but we also want to sprint with John. DON'T WE ALL.

Yeah Addy wasn't joking about that line. Bye Addy! #Spained.

Everyone rolling along together at 30k.

Coming towards the intermediate sprint, possible race for bonus seconds.

Hup! Froome!

Or not.

Was the banner in the wrong place again? FFS.

Alright well the GPS may be off here once again.

Yeah apparently they're already on the climb... without going through the sprint? Huh.

Maybe Froome's little nudge did the trick.

So up Palm Desert Mountain.

Attack Europcar.

Chased by BMC.

DeMarchi solo up front.  Obviously he's been at BMC a year but I'm still confused to see him in red.

Romain Sicard chasing DeMarchi and an FDJ and an IAM chasing him.

Sicard catches DiMarchi.

OMFG THIS IS HYSTERICAL.

They're looking back at this idiotic intermediate sprint and an indeterminate Movistar kinda looks up the road as they're (apparently) coming to it, looks round and sees Froome moving up and then wildly gestures to his guys 'MOVE UP MOVE UP COME ON'. Hilare.

Apparently Movistar went 1-2-3 on it.

Elissonde has caught DeMarchi and Sicard.

Elissonde attacks and is away alone now.

Lawson Craddock leads the peloton.

Tom comes to the front.

Attack OPQS.

Haha, DeMarchi doing an Iljo.

Oh my good lord John has to win today.

Over the top of the climb now, 15.5k to go.

Elissonde really really wants something from his back pocket.

OH NO. Massive fall for Sky.

Henao. His bike has gone over the guardrail and his right side is all torn up.

Kiry stopped with him.

Is it 7 seconds or 30, what the hell are these graphics??

Brambilla is REALLY REALLY trying to catch those three.

NO PRESSURE GIANT. Jesus. They're doing all the work all day.

Tom hanging at the back near Sammy. Cuz why not?

Comin' up on those leaders.

Annnnnnnd caught. 4.5k to go.

Peloton Agrupado.

Lotto swinging all over the front.

Has to be Adam trying something.

A Movistar going for something, taking an OGE and some others.

Everyone stringing out here.

2k to go.

Lotto-Jumbo trying something now.

Astana follows

everyone follows

900m

It's an enormous mess of colours

Astana going for something

LL Sanchez

Oh jesus

It's a free for all

OPQS leads

Van der sande going

JOHN COMING?

OMG

EVERYONE IS THERE

JOHN IS THERE

WAHT

An MTN raised his hands?

WHAT
WHAT
WHAT

WAS IT JOHN PLEASE

WHO WAS IT I CAN'T EVEN TELL ON THE REPLAY

DAMN.

I think that MTN got it.

He came from SO FAR BACK, John.

WHY?!!

Obviously that's nice for MTN and this kid whose first win it is, and obviously when you win MILAN-SANREMO and PARIS-ROUBAIX in ONE SEASON you don't need to do anything, but the pressure on John is so extreme and they keep making him feel bad!

Alright calm yourselves MTN, you posted this three times.

Should they have chosen a simpler hashtag for a team whose first language is predominately not English? (*deleted, edited, and reposted by JVR)

He's really really pleased. He's practically jumping off the podium.

Goddamit. Except that he beat John he's very sweet.

Awww they offered to do the interview in Italian and he said English is fine.

I try already 4 times and today when I cross the line it was I'm still not believe it.

Tehehe. Sounds like the 'break' was a laugh.

Is Nico tweeting in his Irish accent?

Woah. Has he had a brain transplant??