Dutch Courage

Vuelta Stage 6, Cordoba - Sierra de Cazorla:

Uhhh is there a reason Universal Sports is rebroadcasting Stage 5 right now?

I THOUGHT I WAS SAVED FROM CARLTON KIRBY AND NOW I'M NOT.

Steve Schlanger is clearly the weak link of the US commentary team (even when VDV was faltering), but he has literally saved this Vuelta for me. DON'T LEAVE ME WITH CARLTON.

Before addressing today's excellent breakaway (Stevo AND Niki?!!), let's just address yesterday's: hello love of my life.

There was quite a bit of chatter on the behind the scenes off-air feed of Universal Sports, but I could only make out the end (featured in that picture), where Iljo shouted: Ok, let's continue!

...And not in a motivating, team building kind of way.

Given the gesturing, the commentators offered the diplomatic: I'm not getting the audio of what he may have said.

... I'm gonna need those gestures because ALL THE FEEDS in ALL THE WORLD are broken. Except Carlton Kirby. Murder me.

Iljoooooooooooo! Allllllooooo! Wearing his combativity numbers and chattin' on the radio at the back. His podium yesterday with like local school children or whatever was possibly the cutest thing I've ever seen. I think my ovaries broke when he was attempting to tell the tiny kinder to join him on the top step. He is lovely; his instagram is full of preciousness.

Well Johnny didn't pull it off yesterday, but the VERY ADORABLE Tom Dumoulin pulled on red!

Goddammit I got distracted, but what was the occasion for THIS?!

I often feel lukewarm towards OGE and their early Grand Tour dominance and then they make AMAZING PR SHIT like this and I LOVE THEM.

Also, Froomey's 'yo'??? I DIE.

So thank god Tom is a suitable cuteness rival to Esteban Chaves.

In other wrap-up news, WOAH. Pierre, so un-French. So ambitious. Get it, Pierre.

Oh. Tejay, hello. Perhaps his lying low-- to the point I forgot he was in the race-- is psychological warfare?

So anyway, today we've got Stevo and Niki here and some other people but who cares about them?

And even if you did want to know you would never fucking find out because CARLTON KIRBY CANNOT EVEN DO BASIC COMMENTATING.

Cuz like, who's the BMC, I'd like to know?

And I'm not being funny, but is the camera footage at the Vuelta less good? It's often at a sort of weird distance or something that makes it difficult to tell who the hell you're looking at.

Also, #Spained.

WOAAAAAH STEVO!!!!!!!

COUNTER ATTACKED YOUR ASS.

You wanna go? YOU WANNA GO!?!!

Niki on the chase, obvs. Who else was gonna challenge from that group.

Garmin are having a quiet one so far aren't they? Apart from the theft and the donkey rides. As a representative of the International King Dynasty, I love him, but is this the Vuelta a Ben?

Basically I guess I mean: where is Moreno Moser?

In addition to generally being shit, is Carlton Kirby also a coke fiend? Why is he always fucking sniffling??? I hate this man.

Awwwwwwwwwwww, Chaves goes by Stevo.

Cripes Stevo was practically standstill in the road on that hill.

He did come back from the dead last time though.... GO ON STEVE!

Giant are climbing!!!!!

GO TOM GO TOM

Tom alone chasing Esteban!

Ahhh chasers in the background!

It's mayhem back here at 900 meters

DANNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

DAN GO ONNNNNNNNNNNNNN

DAN KILL IT!

He always seems to leave it too late, DON'T LEAVE IT TOO LATE DAN

Dan getting up to Tom!

WAHHHH IS THAT NICO!

Well.

It'll be Chaves won't it.

Yup.

Classic Dan. Second place.

Tom in third.

Froomey gettin' in there for a cheeky 6th or so.

Dan's sneakily creeping up the GC though, presumably. The long game, Dan, the long game.

I mean the best thing about Esteban Chaves winning/leading is the afterparty with Juan Antonio Fletcha and Ashley House. That legitimately is fantastic.

Plus I guess they were totally decimated at the Tour and always fade after the first week so, you know,  I guess, Go Team!

Also Ashley House is getting increasingly foreign and it's hysterical.

Can Juan Antonio be president of something?? Like Spain? Or THE WORLD??

Oh shit Neil Stephens. Jokes. Hey Froomey! I gotta belter!

Can Juan Antonio, Ashley and Esteban be some sort of travelling tour of joy???

Juan Antonio just acknowledged someone off camera with a wink.

Oh christ I think maybe it was Peter because now he's here.  He should be a part of the travelling tour of joy too. They interview these two EVERY DAY and it is ALWAYS EXCELLENT. Everyone is giddy and amazing.

Well one thing we know about Peter. He is no fan of the heat.

HE IS KILLER: "It's bad. It's very bad. You take a bottle from the car, after five minutes you have tea, (miming) 'ohhh nice tea'."