Amstel Gold:
MANY hours still to go til live coverage, but of course we've got a break going.
Of note: Mike Terpstra, baby bro of Niki!
And not even the first Mike Terpstra that comes up on Google.
There was also possibly the greatest name in cycling there for a minute, Johann Van Van Zyl, but the extra Van turned out to be a typo. Alas.
The wait for live coverage is always a bit of a bitch.
I thought I was watching a Dutch soap opera. I was momentarily enthralled. Whoever that man was had a very dramatic face.
I'm not sure what this programming is. It's a bunch of dudes running around in short pink shorts to the sounds of "I'm Too Sexy". Not this, I'm afraid. That I could get on board with.
Jelle and Dennis have both taken a tumble but are back in the peloton.
I wish they'd stop mentioning that Lotto-Jumbo are the only WT team without a win so far this season. THEY TRY SO HARD.
Has England won something?? Why are they playing God Save the Queen??
Oh it's the podiums of something Superbike. COME ON. CHANGE COVERAGE.
Oh god. It's Carlton Kirby.
Oh but Dan Lloyd too, he tends to be decent.
Bauke and Frank Schleck signing on there.
MICHAL!!!!
Burghy standing next to PhilGil.
Koen de Kort smiling, obvs.
WEE PETE KENNAUGH.
Almost literally everyone in this race is amazing.
The Blaireau just shot off a gun.
It was all a bit too much there for a moment with that catch-up. My heart nearly exploded.
Woah.
Aww man down. A Giant and Jelle got a bit tangled on that corner. Nothing major it didn't look like.
Very little is going on at the moment. The break is still out, the peloton are moving along at a very swift pace behind.
BURGHY leading the way!!
He loves a yellow shoe, Burghy. So easy to identify at distance.
Carlton Kirby's commentary has a realllll somnambulant quality. He's talking AT LENGTH about boiled sweets right now.
GOSSY IS HERE?!! GO GOSSY.
Movistar are all over the front but I don't care to mention that because I don't care to mention ValvPiti possibly 'winning' this.
Mike Terpstra should probably start writing his autobiography, Miki Not Niki, as soon as possible.
Bike racers, they're just like us.
LARS BOOM LET YOU DOWN?!!!?!? SHUT UP CARLTON KIRBY. That MURDER stage of the TdF and FIFTH in Paris-Roubaix isn't GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU?!!
"I thought it was an attack but it was just Marcus Burghardt coming to the front for a second." So manly. His regular bike riding looks like attacking.
Gap down to 1'30 now.
BMC are SWARMING all over the front. It seems like they've fielded a larger team than everyone else.
What a bunch of dudes.
Some Wanty Group Gouberts went off road there and onto a bike path. They were kind of trapped behind a hedge and seemed panicked but cut back through eventually.
A GreenEdge shoved a camera bike out of Michal's face just then. Oh it's kicking off.
FUCKING HELL. The bike was trying to wave off a car (AGAIN!) and managed to drift back and almost TAKE OUT POOR MICHAL.
OH.
INJURIES AND MENACE between Roy Curvers and an IAM.
Reynes has a coming together at the back of the peloton with a Giant-Alpecin rider. Couldn't see who it was but Reynes kindly identifies him as 'asshole' as they exchange a few frank words before riding off again.
Meanwhile, Burghy still killin' it up front. Even the useless commentary team have noticed and are praising him.
Big GreenEdge presence at the front now.
Oh my god that pennant man is taking his life into his own hands. He's standing in the middle of a traffic island as 200 bike riders speed towards him with nothing but a flag to protect himself. COME AT ME BRO.
Who was that piss taker trying to cut that corner??
The break has alternately 14 seconds and 3'30 minutes, depending on the tv graphic.
Probably being run by Carlton Kirby, who has no insight into bike racing and therefore can ONLY talk about how there haven't really been crashes. FOR HOURS ON END.
I hope BMC aren't doing a Sky and working away all day up front only to have nothing left at the end.
OOOOP. ATTACK.
An IAM, a GreenEdge, and a BMC walk into a bar...
Tony Martin is also there??!
Yikes they got some air there. IAM and Simon Clarke with the remnants of the breakaway ahead.
Behind them a bit are Tony, the BMC and a Garmindale with two others?
Lots of Astanas in the chase group too.
One of which is THE SHARK OF MESSINA.
ALEX HOWES IS IN THE CHASE GROUP?!!!!
That Tour of Azerbaijan promo music doesn't do anything to calm my already swiftly beating heart.
Awww Lotto-Jumbo's luck continues, Wilco Keldermann went off road in a big way.
IAM and GreenEdge away alone up front now.
Ugh you can see that 22% gradient.
10 seconds behind those front two are Nibali et al.
Man alive they're right on them actually.
Peloton at near a minute behind that.
OH MY GOD.
TERRIBLE WIPE OUT AT THE CORNER
AWWWW the Astana that's not Nibali went down and BMC Damiano Caruso!!
God meanwhile racing is ON. The Nibali group caught the front two and Nibali tried an attack but all together now.
Alex Howes fighting like a beast.
Nibali is gesturing all OVER the place.
I know he's won the Tour de France, but he also makes a lot of misguided, useless attacks. Not sure I'd follow his game plan.
Despite the shouting. Which is still going on.
Everyone shovelling gels down before the Cauberg.
32 seconds with 23k to go.
Tony Martin is looking so chill on this climb.
Awww but Alex looks like he's coming unhitched.
BMC STOMPING up the hill.
Oh what a terrible image of Alex out in no man's land.
And being swallowed up by the BMC train.
BMC ARE KILLLLLLLLLLIN'. It is so strung out!
Oooof, they're gonna make the catch.
Nibali, naturally, making one last go for it.
Simon Clark and Tony Martin go with.
Weirdness abounds. Tony just shook his head at Nibali and now Simon Clark has gone away alone.
Amazing. Nibali seemed to gesture 'Well YOU go then', and Clark did.
13k but still 2 climbs.
"BMC aren't going to stop until they've got everybody back." That makes them sound like a killing squad. Which they kind of are.
OMFG Luke Rowe as if I could love you more.
Legitimately the pro peloton are reading my mind.
How do BMC still have so many guys left?!!?
FUCKING HELL HE SAID IT AGAIN!!
AND LITERALLY AGAIN I CAN'T DEAL.
Simon Clarke caught. All together.
Wee Jakob goes away with Greg VanAv!
There's a few a bit behind them too, possibly Nathan Haas included??
But looks like that group is basically caught.
Yeah they're caught.
Jakob and Greg then, at 6k with 6 seconds.
('Last time of asking', once more)
(SERIOUSLY again.)
(I could kill this man.)
Ooof five seconds for those two. I mean, they're practically on them.
4k, this is insane.
Caught.
GreenEdge and BMC trains fighting at the front.
Kwiato is sitting on the back of the GreenEdge train.
GREEN EDGE AHEAD BUT
BEN HERMANS LEADING OUT SOMETHING
GET YOUR HANDS OUT OF THERE
OH PHILGIL GOING GOING GOING
MICHAEL MATTHEWS STAYING ON HIS WHEEL
PHILGIL IS STAYING AHEAD
Kwiato is flagging in the back...
OH MY CHRIST
ugh valverde going
PHILGIL getting Michael Matthews to ride in front
FLAMME ROUGE
OH FUCK
Kwaito right behind with something from Katusha
There are so many people up there
Weaving over the road
There's like 20 people suddenly now
Wee Jakob got up there
There's a Garmindale there. DAN MARTIN
Weaving bobbing
COME ON BMC!!!!!
COME ON KWAITO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
THEY THOUGHT HE COULDN'T DO IT!!!!!!!!!!
I LOVE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He looks like he's weeping into a teammate's shoulder!!
AND A FIST BUMP with someone!
Fucking hell he came from far back!
But that initial shot was really deceptive!! He's like a full bike length up!
Tim knows.
He looked back before raising his arms up! How cute!
"A very pleasant young man", Dan Lloyd has just described him as. HEARTS.
I don't know what Elia is saying, but I AGREE!!!
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