Oldie but Not Goodie

Liege-Bastogne-Liege:

Sammy, don't go!

THE CUTEST. I CANNOT BE OBJECTIVE I WANT HIM TO WIN EVERYTHING.

I'm kind of obsessed with this picture of Alex Howes. It feels epic and dramatic.

The Ride Journal knows.

Got a breakaway of 8 now.

Mmmm. Tough group to pick a fave. Clement Chevrier has the best name and is riding for IAM.

UHH IS THIS HIM??! Is he 8 years old??

How can you not root for IAM when this good lookin' dude is riding today. (I mean that hair alone!)

I love this team I could not love them more.

Nico Roche is here for Sky, cuz obviously.

Will he go away on La-Roche-en-Ardenne? The Cote de Saint-Roch? Roche-aux-Faucons? or the Cote de Saint-Nicolas?? IT'S ALL TO PLAY FOR.

Is Paul drunk? But yeah the weather does look very dramatic out there.

In the wait for live coverage, I have discovered there is another Michal Kwiatkowski. Who sort of seems like he could be related to Nathan Haas? ... It's really boring when there are no updates.

I'm sort of lukewarm toward the Shark of Messina, but if he won today it would be a nice little bookend to his first participation when he finished dead last. Unless something shady is going on; then it's the worst story ever.

Oh Dan. I can't even think who would be a suitable third to a dream podium with him and Kwaito. PhilGil seems too much of a longshot to dare hope.

And now I've probably jinxed it and it'll be Valverde, Nibali, and some random from Topsport-Vlaanderen.

Obviously there's science and shit and I don't wish anyone harm, but the car racing is delayed right now because of a slight drizzle. Like I'm not even sure it's actively raining at the moment.

I mean, Le Blaireau lost a finger didn't he?

Anyway, meanwhile Cav takes Stage 1 in Turkey!

Break down to 2 and a half minutes.

Waiting for car racing to stop and coverage to start...

My interest is momentarily piqued though: Is there ACTUALLY a car racer called Martin Van Buren??

Dan Wuori is as bored as I am.

This is getting annoying now. There's no sign of this stupid car racing ending and it's 8 minutes past broadcast time.

Oh may have got it now; a caffeine shampoo ad in Italian is a good sign. What a sport.

Ouch a few breakaways being caught by Astana-lead peloton. A few still have under a minute up the road.

Bit annoying that the only feed to be found is in Italian. But maybe I'm being saved from Carlton Kirby.

Incredible language. Wish I understood it.

Though maybe I do speak Italian: "Daniel Martin is a favourite" I just puzzled out.

They're letting those poor fools hang out out front at 30 seconds.

Onto the Cote de Stockeu for the break.

Mess for some Topsports at the base of the climb. Looks like a mechanical and bike swap.

Someone from Astana going off the front now. Andriy Grivko?

That Monument Eddy Merckx is a bit weird.

Technically, I guess.

Gorka Izzagire is off after Grivko.

And now a GreenEdge??

Tim Wellens losing contact at the back. Belgian Ted, stay strong!!

Ah it's A YATES in hot pursuit!!  Not A. Yates, to be clear; S. Yates.

And all of a sudden it's English Eurosport coverage.

Merciful god it's not Carlton Kirby. They often pair Rob Hatch with the World's Dullest Man Sean Kelly; he's rather good at prodding him for contributions I have to say.

They're saying Belgian Ted just had a mechanical back there and is moving back up no problem. WHEW.

There's a sort of elite chase group that's formed here.  Lots of Astanas (though not the Shark?), Styby and another OPQS (not Kwiato they claim), and Nico Roche.

PHILGIL spotted! Where are you Phil?

Original break has now been caught by this elite group, making something like 20 riders up ahead.

Belgian Ted has made contact with the peloton again.

It's a curious old accent Sean Yates has. They're chatting to him in the Saxo-Tinkoff car.

Col du Rosier now.

These descriptions of Mt Tiede make me feel like there should be a cycling-based murder mystery set there. Basically like The Shining, with bikes.

What's happening with Styby here? Signalling for service. In the normal fashion, not the Charly fashion, sadly.

Stevo Cummings there too? Party at the back!

It was all too much. Power just went out across the whole commentary block. But order has been restored now.

Heading towards the Maquisard now. EXCELLENTLY named and rather difficult.

46k to go with three ahead at under a minute.

Bit of a mess back here. Rafael Valls Ferri shouting 'wheel wheel wheel' as a wheel lies in the road.

MICHAL!!

He and Styby should always ride side by side cuz they look so good.

I am SO INTO the white jersey/black shorts combo, CLEARLY.

Ohhhhhh enormous crash.

Sky on the floor. OH IT'S NICO!! and Nathan Haas!!! and DAN MARTIN!!! And Wee Pierre!

OH Nicoooooooo is lying on the ground.

What even happened there?!?!?!

Dan styled it out a bit there. He's going over and manages to set himself down in a bit of a squat. He was at least standing up rather quickly, if not going anywhere. I think it's Nathan sitting in that ditch.

Nico is standing up now but being supported.

What is this now!??

A GreenEdge-- It's Simon Gerrans!! He was just in that big crash and is now on the ground again! He was just lying in the road but then got up and moved to sit on the curb. This is all very strange.

The race is still going on ahead. They're on La Redoute. Only 2 away now with the peloton at 19'.

You know, VDV.

I just want Kwiato to stay upright. Winning would be a bonus.

Kosta in pursuit?

Looks like he's shot off the front of the elite little group chasing the front 2.

Ahahaha, Dan says what we're all thinking. (Looks like the original tweet listing Froomey in the crash has now been deleted)

Sad face. The only two climbs left are the Cote de la Roche-aux-Faucons and Cote de Saint-Nicholas. NICO WE LOVE YOU HEAL UP!!!

Also, Roche-aux-Faucons?? As opposed to vrai cons?

Hey PhilGil is in this elite group!!!

Kosta back in the group.

Lost live pictures again.

Oh sick. No wonder.

22.7k to go. Break has been caught and we've got this select group still going. About 45 riders they say.

I think a rider just went across a speed camera check and was clocked as obeying the law.

Oh Dan. Confirmed to be out as well. This happened at least once before, when Nico and Dan had a wee family reunion when they both ended up in the same hospital and Nico sent an apologetic tweet along the lines of "Sorry Dan!!!!!!! For taking you down!!!!!!!"

Roman Kreuziger off the front. Being chased by Caruso.

Wee Jakob counter attacking.

Visconti goes and Alaphilippe goes too and now the whole peloton is freaking out.

Sammy Sanchez representing BMC??!! GO SAMMY.

Jakob has joined Kreuziger and Caruso at the front.

Being chased by Rui Costa, Alaphilippe, Visconti, Moreno and an AG2R? Where did Sammy Sanchez go?

It's started raining now so pictures a bit more unclear.

Stevo Cummings with Lil Tom and A Yates at the back.

OH GOD MICHAL is at the front now.

It's all moving all over the place.

Classic Lil Tom! He was at the back and 10 seconds later LAUNCHES an attack!

Nothing really going here. The three are ahead and the peloton are mostly grouped together with a few riders dangling off the front in turn.

9k to go.

Stybar POWERING IT OUT on the front! What a beast!

Yeah Valv.Piti does have 'more podiums than you care to mention', cuz I don't care to mention any of them.

Lots of OPQSs still there.

Oh jesus they're onto the Cote de Saint-Nicolas now.

Classic Shark of Messina, he's off the front.

Yikes, those three up front are now caught.

Oh Phil. Being dropped with his bandaged arm and he's fighting to stay in there.

5.7k to go.

BMCs dropping like flies.

WHAT'S THIS NOW. KWIATO dropped?!!!!?? Nooooooooooo.

Romain Bardet trying to get away. Splits everywhere.

Under 3k.

Under 2k.

Nibali has managed to get back on this front group.

Or has he?

They're coming to Dan Martin corner.

Moreno is getting ahead bigtime here! What the hell is this finish!?

UGHHHHHH Vavl.Piti is chasing???? This is THE WORST.

Moreno caught.

Alaphilippe still there!!

OH JESUS HERE IT COMES.

OH JESUS I HATE THIS

...

Phil you tiny hero. He comes rolling in very respectably there with his sweet face.

Alaphilippe congratulating Valv.Piti there, because he has manners. And then seeing a camera and running away. HE'S TRYING TO SLIP YOU BLOODBAGS JULIEN DON'T BE TAKEN IN.

Excellent reacting by Alaphillippe on the line there.

How 'bout him!!!

WUORI KNOWS.

The ONE TIME we have time for post-race interviews.

Oh but this is adorable, it's time for podiums and Alaphilippe is chattin' on his phone.

Tiny Cigar doesn't know which step to go to.

Alaphilippe chattin' away with the Badger on the podium. So excellent.

Alaphilippe gave it a fucking good go there at the end. I'm gonna pretend he won.


Update: Oh COME ON!! He won.

Update later: Nico is ok!!! When the world's loveliest man is ok, we are all ok.