Reckless Abandon

Tirreno-Adriatico: Stage 5
Paris-Nice: Stage 8


Well obviously the human body was not designed to handle the levels of awesome that Richie Porte showed yesterday, as he was taken ill overnight and won't start today. Obviously he wants to be back at his best to support Froomey in Catalunya next week, but still.  A massive loss in addition to poor G crashing out of Paris-Nice yesterday.

Richie does seem to make explosive efforts and then pay harshly for them. No doubt when he graduates from Lieutenancy to Leadership he'll be derided for lack of tactical nous like Froomey has been. Though I suppose Froomey has shown some questionable moves in the past.

Joker Adam and NotTedKing-BenKing are among the breakaways today.

And speaking of racing from another time period, Popo is still in the pro peloton and in the break as well.

Cyclingnews is as surprised as me: Ben King was 13 when 'Popo' made the podium in the Giro.

Not the oldest in the breakaway, however. That's Luca Paolini at 37.

And not the craziest in the break either. That's certainly Joker Adam, who can't get enough of Grand Tours. And laughs.

Saxo Tinkoff are setting the pace at the front of the peloton. Uh huh.

They're bringing the break back like absolute beasts but I'm not sure how I should feel about that.  What is the deal with Spain and unrepentant dopers?

Bertie and Co are out on the road but this face is kept from us?? Seriously, what's the news there? Is the UCI operating out of the Bermuda Triangle?

Over in Paris-Nice both Boonen and Steegmans have abandoned on the final day of racing.  Ugh now it really is the Race to the Shit.

Although if Cokey Tom feels that's what's necessary to bring it bigtime to Paris-Roubaix, whatever-- bring on the team bus!

Contador and Quintana are chatting and Evans has blown and been dropped. Christ if that isn't a distillation of the last few seasons for Cadel...

And now they've gone off the front. Their 'explosive climbing style' (this always sounds a bit rude to me) doesn't suit Kwiatkowski, so he'll need to stay cool and ride his own race, as they say.

OPQS seem to be keeping calm. Kwiatkowski still has Uran Uran and Wout Poels around him.

Pistolero and the Witch Doctor have been caught. Ben King and the fantasically-bearded Geschke are still out in front with about 4 minutes.

Movistar have put a man on the front of the Kwiatkowski group. The pace increases and the race leader is starting to show the strain.  I hope lovely Alex isn't hurting Kwiatkowski.

He isn't. It's someone else. That's fine.

Everyone's shifting all over the road. Pistolero looks like he's got ants in his pants.

And he's attacked. 

"Contador isn't exactly disappearing up the hill." Who is this commentator? I like his vibe.

Meanwhile the other commentator has called Ben King 'Ted King' repeatedly. TED ISN'T IN THIS RACE. Stop reminding us!

Pistolero has gone away and Joker Adam is on his wheel. They're on the descent chasing the three leaders up front in the valley.  (I'm not sure when De la Cruz joined them, obviously missed that).

Poor Kwiatkowski is still on the mountain and looks so rough.

As does apparently EVERYONE at Paris-Nice:  
Thomas was one of five riders who didn't sign on this morning. His teammate Edvald Boasson Hagen also called it quits, as did Steven Cummings, Michael Matthews and Julien Simon.
Garmin duo Tyler Farrar and Fabian Wegmann and BMC rider Taylor Phinney have all abandoned today.
Another abandon to report. This time it is Thomas Voeckler.  

Well I don't know who's still even riding over at Paris-Nice, but in Tirreno, Contator has dropped Joker Adam.

There's an additional chasing group which includes the Witch Doctor. Unclear on where they are in relation to... anyone.

Joker Adam has caught back on to Contador. Legend. DROP HIM ADAM!

Not even joking, can they even still have a race in Nice?: They're dropping like flies today. Three climbs done and another three riders have called it quits. They are Sébastien Cavanel (FDJ) and the Belkin pair Jetse Bol and Maarten Wynants.

Maybe G will get his wish and Rui Costa will get a win on the Promenade des Anglais, simply because he's the only one left on a bike.

Contador and Adam have joined the three leaders.

Contador is doing all the work. Which is only right.

Just as well I couldn't keep track of De la Cruz, he's been dropped from the front group.

Mikel Nieve, JC Peraud, David Caruso, the Witch Doctor and one other guy are in this chasing group in no man's land.

GO ON THE KING!!!!!!!!!!

They thought he was flagging, but he was attacking!  Such a Garmin move!!

Geschke has managed to stay with Contador but Joker Adam is lost.

Oh my god they are HURTING.

They are WEAVING all over the road.

Oh poor Ben is being passed.  Pistolero is up front but Geschke isn't far behind.

Geschke is giving him a fucking run for his money.

Well you can't compete with Bad Meat... but 2nd, 3rd and 4th is certainly worth cheering for: Fighter Geschke, Ben King, and Adam Hansen hanging on in there for fourth.

Also, Adam crossed the line legit smiling. What a man.

Poor Kwiatkowski as well.  Oh my god his face makes me sad. He's not even doing anything they're just leaving the camera on him. Aww.

Also, if you can get a hold of the current CycleSport article about him, I defy you not to LOVE him.  Not to mention the Handsling Heard Round the World-- contributing to one of Cav's most dramatic victories, and just generally playing a massive part in all the OPQS exploits while managing 11th overall in his first Tour.

Phew.

Anyway, for reals: "Ben King, a fearless rider as well; you're riding with Alberto Contador and you decide to attack him, knowing there's a 30 percent climb coming up."

Huh Bertie's started giving interviews in English. Still can't understand him though.

Well... like those near-perfect US Champs, let's just pretend the podium starts at 2.


Okaaaay, let's find out what's been happening in Paris-Nice.

Unclear. Is Matty 'Eyebrows' Busche somewhere? He may have been caught. He may be chillin' like a villain.

Looks like Trofimov is out on his own.  But we've now got the B Team commentators so who knows.

Movistar are drilling on the front. That seems to be a theme of the season currently. Are they translating any of that to wins or just winning at life?

Apparently they're pushing for JJ Rojas. Both for the overall and the sprint finish. At least Pistolero can't spoil this one for everyone.

Trofimov is going 72k downhill and it looks it. Jesus.

"Bad news for Slagter though." WHAT? Explain yourself! What's happening to TJ Butcher??

Frankie's on the attack. More weird feelings about this one. Do like these new Trek jerseys though.

This commentary is dire. "Here's come the sprint. .. In fact, have they gone through it?" And nothing further is said.

Frankie's riding like a devil.

But he and Spivak seem to only have 14 seconds?

These time bonuses confuse everything. And these idiot mathematicians don't help.

Looks like it'll come together. Movistar certainly deserve a win with all this work they're putting in.

Oh Frankie's gone off again! Is he gonna do this thing?

Oh my god a crash.

JJ is up there!!

And Arthur Vichot has taken the win. In French colours. Nice one.

And he's ridden himself onto the podium!

Oh Rui! Rui was taken down in the end there! He's had the worst luck ever this week! Oh god. Well he seems to be getting up but I can't take much more of this sadness.

I nearly was going to vomit from all the emotion in that last k.

So in the end of Paris-Nice we get:

1. Carlos Betancur
2. Rui Costa
3. Arthur Vichot


And of course the Fireworks of Tirreno continue for a bit longer.

Also, this should be a real thing, and no doubt Geschke's got it in the bag.


Seriously, the twittersphere is exploding with love for Geschke's Beard.  Obviously a great band name as well. Or may feature in the short story collection.

Let's fan this flame.

Meanwhile, Taylor stopped off home instead of finishing Paris-Nice, and the brief rest has him back on top form.

Alex provides some zings as well.

And I kind of wish I ever had any idea what the hell Brian Holm is talking about.