Blast From the Past

Gent-Wevelgem

A brief catch-up:

In Catalunya, TheJensie continues to rule the world. 

And Dave Millar is still alive.


And so, win today and you've won the Olympics, according to Brian Holm, in one of the greatest quotes about anything ever.

Geekery is at an all time high today, with changes in the race route to take in historical sites and war memorials in commemoration of the 100th year of the outbreak of WWI.

Also, Taylor's back!!

And don't even worry about it, he's back in top form.
 
Professional Champagne Sprayer Niki isn't racing today-- which is the only way to guarantee he won't podium.

Also it unfortunately guarantees we won't see the cutest thing on earth.

But I get it; he's probably busy.

I mean, he has literally got his feet up.

As for other contenders:
Watch out for G. He managed a podium even when feeling like a bag of... not very good.

Plus, this looks staged. Like in an awesome way.

As for E3's winner: winning races, crashing weddings-- who says you can't do both?

And the Eternal Threat: Maybe he didn't manage E3, but you had better watch your back.

"I don't know how many riders I passed." Uh, THE WHOLE FIELD? He is clearly as strong as a genetically modified ox. Maybe he's sandbagging, but if that was him on a bad day, halted by a ill-timed mechanical, WATCH OUT.  Also, "I had not my luck"?? "The world goes not under"?? I LOVE THIS MAN.

Full-time model and also cyclist Bernie Eisel has won here previously. As has Gentleman of the Peloton George Hincapie.  Soooo, who's got the strongest jawline in the peloton currently? This is our probable winner.

Fabian Cancellara was relaxed before the start: "The weather's good, we have a nice spring day. Lets go for it. It looks like there could be 100 people in the sprint and a lot of riders seem to want a sprint finish We'll see what will happen on the Kemmel. There could be a few surprises." Translation: Yes, let's go for it. There will be no surprises, unless you mean me. I am the surprise. I am going to win.

The break is out and we're in the first feedzone. Five inconsequential riders had 10 minutes at one point but at last check were down to about 7 and a half.

Mechanicals abound for Stannard and Greipel at least, while up front part of the peloton has gone the wrong way. Seems like they literally should've taken that left hand turn at Albuquerque.

The peloton has climbed up to the village of Cassel and passed the town hall that was the Allied HQ during WWI. It is now the Flanders Museum.  Not to be confused with the In Flanders Fields Museum, which is also extremely cool.

The in-car TV cameras give an inside view of what is happening and has just caught Cannondale manager Roberto Amadio taking a nap.  That is incredible confidence.

Stannard pushing the pace up front.

For BERNIE! To try an escape!

But nothing further from that.

We're 10k from the Kemmelberg and the breakaway group is down to less than 5 minutes.

Crash! Fran Windy is down.

Goss is at the back of the peloton and has swapped his bike with a teammate. It will be a tough job for him to get back on now.  Come on. Just cut it out.

Big names at the front here on the Kemmelberg. Fab's not taking any chances and leads down the descent.

Everyone is looking around. Cokey Tom to the front, but he's looking behind him. Everyone's all over the road.

Attack from a BMC. They seem content enough to let him go.

Crash OR bike change. It kind of looked like someone was left in a ditch.

It's a Sky. Seems to be Stannard, poor thing.

The replay shows him sort of fall off the side into a ditch. A Lotto notices and makes a baffled gesture as everyone rides on.

They're quite clearly talking about Matty Harley but I don't speak Dutch so I don't know for what purpose.

AG2R is making a lot of moves. One goes and Movistar and OPQS follow, but pretty swiftly brought back together.

Fab's havin' a snack at the back with Bernie.

OPQS DS is shouting things at their indeterminate water carrier.

The four still out front (yep, they're still out there) look pretty tired and have less than 2 minutes.

Another break is attempting to go but is just hanging slightly off the front.

Bernie gets low on his handlebars and shortly several other riders follow suit.

Ah, we're on a small descent. That was unclear. It just sort of looked like Bernie was a cool trendsetter and everyone wanted to be like him. Which is of course true.

OH here's Matt Harley! I had worried he had abandoned.  He's joining back on but seems to have an issue with his shoe or derailleur.

All groups on the road within sight of each other now.

Crash at the back. These little lanes and deep ditches are a bit perilous.

Bernie Patron takin' us up the berg. He keeps shouting back into the group, checkin' on his men.  Think he was slowing everything down for the crash.

Another crash, but racing seems to be back on.

Harley here at the back, losing contact. He's wearing number 113; I mean, are they trying to kill him???

Another crash. Enormous this time. Most of Katusha. Lovely Alex looks like a he took a big impact and is winded on the ground.

A Sky is curled up on the road.

Everyone on the Kemmelberg now. Thrashing around on their bikes.

Fab takes to the head of the peloton. Sagan is right behind him.

Cokey Tom up there, gesturing at someone to come up.

G also right up there.

Peloton split a bit and the front group has caught that solo Tinkoff breakaway that was out there.

Four BMCs driving at the front. None appear to be Taylor.

Or Thor, or from what I can tell, Van Avermaet.

Ah, there's Thor, with all the OPQSs mid-group.

Looks like Taylor went up down the left side there?

Come on, if all the DSs instruct their men to sit in and wait for the sprint, we're gonna have a standstill here.

Dillier for BMC is going solo again.

Through... the Menin Gate? Are we in Ypres?

We've got three away here and the group just keeping pace.

They're gaining time. The group better get with it here.

Clever tactics by Trek here.

OPQS has missed out and their DS knows it: "More faster now. If no, it's too late."

Another crash. G is down. And half of NetApp.

Lotto look ready to pull the car over in despair. GreipelThighs is down.

He's up, and into the team car. That is a sad sight to witness so up close.

That gap is tumbling down. I should've had faith!

Caught LITERALLY under the Flamme Rouge. You couldn't WRITE THIS SHIT!

A crash!! Right in the finishing straight!

It's unclear who of the big names are here. Can't see Fab, some OPQS maybe but can't identify Cokey Tom. Lot of BMCs.

Chaotic here.

TINY JOHN DEGENKOLB TAKES IT!

I'm really ok with that! He's had a bit of a rough time, in the style of Matty Goss, and HE DESERVES IT!!

He just blew two kisses to the camera. He's the cutest.

"I've won already a World Tour at Hamburg, but with all respect to Hamburg this is really a big big race." Awwww.

Cokey Tom hung in there for 5th. Fab was apparently delayed by the crash.

GreipelThighs offered up the greatest distillation of his race we could ever hope for.

Another electric day on the cobbles!

Oh my god come on!! Can Gossy PLEASE catch a break!?!! He needed his INHALER!? I'M DYING.

Dave Millar is making a career of staying upright. And Alex is insisting on making a career of talking about balls.

Most laid-back podium eva. They just look like dudes on a night out.

As opposed to weirdest podium ever. Purito looks like a child meeting the president. And Tejay is holding his umbrella.

I hope this is a new bromance.

Yipeeeeeee!

And finally, the shot heard round the world.

But obviously this is the greatest response to the situation, or anything, that I've ever seen.