Well, it's a geeks dream at the minute, with both Paris-Nice and Tirreno-Adriatico now underway. With SO MANY awesome riders doing SO MANY awesome things around the globe, one cannot be expected to focus on anything else. Also, slimline Ted King is in Taiwan looking for maple syrup and stalking Cam Wurf. Show us some selfies Ted! Do a Fab!
So, without further ado, onto (what are now yesterday's) events:
Paris-Nice: Stage 5
Tirreno-Adriatico: Stage 2
Alessandro Petacchi's main role at Tirreno-Adriatico is to lead out Mark Cavendish, but the normally impassive Italian was uncharacteristically expressive after yesterday's team time trial victory. "I'm a bit embarrassed to admit it but after the finish I actually cried," Petacchi told Gazzetta dello Sport. "It’s the first real team time trial I’ve won. Oh my god no wonder he was brought on board to be Cav's companion! They must weep the night away!
The five escapees are continuing to collaborate well and have stretched their lead back out to 4:30. Alex Dowsett, in particular, is pedalling very smoothly indeed as they zip through Perignano. Don't let me dream! Alex's mere PRESENCE in the breakaway made me hope for a stage win and now he's notably riding well???
Meanwhile over in The Race to the Shit (c. Tejay Van Garderen in his first Twitter incarnation), some editorializing: No real surprise that Andy Schleck missed out on the split and he is off the back. Schleck had a mechanical and lost over 7 minutes yesterday.
Back in Tirreno: RAI have just treated us to slow-motion split-screen images of Mark Cavendish and Alex Dowsett, proving that Cyclingnews has not quite cornered the market on shakey footage of Alex Dowsett. Am I working for RAI?? Or cyclingnews?
Chavanel is not giving up today. He launches another attack and manages to distance his break companions. Vanendert also goes off the front of the peloton. Jelly!!! The tiniest head in the pro peloton has returned to us!
Meanwhile on the twittersphere (has someone fallen asleep on the job over at cyclingnews??), the greatest turn of phrase in cycling has been employed. Nibali (nicknamed The Shark) has gone off the front. Result: SHARK ATTACK!
Alex Dowsett claimed the three bonus seconds at the first intermediate sprint with 50km to go, and he jumps away from the break in a bid to add to his tally at the second sprint. Alex is DANCING!
Dowsett picks up the bonus seconds in Uliveto Terme and rather than wait for his companions, the Englishman decides to put his head down and keep going. HE LOVES A SOLO BREAKAWAY! Is he friends with Taylor?? They have the same vibe.
A fine rouleur, the Englishman is looking comfortable with his wrists resting on the tops of his handlebars. I'm now fairly certain I am somehow writing these updates.
Niki Terpstra has now taken the front of the chasing group. Tom Boonen is their man for the stage victory today. Gahhhhh WHAT I didn't know they were involved here!!!! THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING.
Oh. Someone else won. Boo. G's still in the leader's jersey though. Now all hopes lie in Tirreno...
Teklehaymanot, Canola and Malacarne cross the line 35 seconds down on Dowsett and riding visibly slower than the lone Movistar man." The Lone Movistar Man will also feature in my short story collection.
Omega Pharma-QuickStep have now put their shoulder to the wheel at the head of the bunch, with Matteo Trentin leading them through Cascina 1:50 down on Dowsett. Oh jesus, OPQS is now hunting Alex! My loyalties are so divided! This is like The Most Dangerous Game.
The bunch is on target to reel in Dowsett before the finish, but the Englishman is still pedalling fluidly in spite of the 140 kilometres he has spent off the front so far today. Seriously, is HERO TRAINING part of the Livestrong-Trek Finishing School of Awesome??
Dowsett's shoulders are beginning to rock, and he grits his teeth as the Movistar team car pulls up alongside him. His lead is just over a minute on the peloton. GO ON ALEX!!!!!!!!!
The Tinkoff-Saxo-led peloton catches Dowsett with 7 kilometres remaining, and the stage is set for a sprint finish in Cascina. Meh. Straight outta the Axel Merckx Sacrificing Without Winning playbook.
Well Cav better win now or something.
QuickStep are surprisingly not on the front, but they are now trying to beat a path to the front for Cavendish, with Kwiatkowski leading their line. ...A crash in the peloton brings down Marcel Kittel (Giant-Shimano), who shows his frustration by slamming his bike on the ground. How much you wanna bet Cav gets blamed for this. More fines for OPQS for just being too awesome!
"But it's Matteo Pelucchi (IAM Cycling) who wins the stage."
...And you are?
Well it was an exciting day for racing and the damp squib results just did not live up.
Paris-Nice: Stage 6
Tirreno-Adriatico: Stage 3
(Good luck keeping track which race we're in)
Good news for any Chris Froome fans, the Sky rider is back to training after the injury that forced him to pull out of Tirreno-Adriatico. Right, who ISN'T a Chris Froome fan?? LOOK AT THAT FACE.
Sylvain Chavanel and Thomas Voeckler have gone off the front of the peloton. Chavanel will be looking for more mountains classification points. Uh, YES. More please.
Chavanel is still only a minute back in the general classification and his attack will have the peloton worried. They'll be keeping a close eye on him. Watch out for this guy.
And now they've caught up with the breakaway.
Big breakaway at Paris-Nice today, hard to pick a fave. Obviously everyone loves Steve Cummings, but there's also someone called Pim. Ginger Pim. We'll have to see how this pans out.
And the peloton are already increasing the pace, with riders starting to drift back to the team cars to take off a layer of clothing, as BMC start to move up towards the front. Is this a caption contest?? Come on, I can't even focus.
BMC have Evans here of course, and they'll be looking to protect the Australian. Who knows, perhaps he'll fancy his chances. More likely is that they'll be looking to set up Gilbert. Lotta cooks in this particular kitchen. Including everyone's fave chef and delivery man.
Voeckler is riding hard on the front of the break group. He's testing the legs of his companions and looking much better than yesterday. Never doubt this man.
Bradley Wiggins sits at the back of the peloton as the gap drops down to 5'18. Not even being funny... Brad Wiggins is in this race? Must say though, he does look 150% better nowadays.
Bernaudeau is the first of the leaders to crack, after Voeckler's efforts and he is now back with the peloton. Aww, wee Giovanni! Where is perma-tan Papa Bear to help baby Bernaudeau?
Wiggins is still at the back of the field but looking comfortable. His teammate Richie Porte, who is here for the GC, is closer to the front. Now this party's getting started. Everybody loves Richie.
The other two riders are Stefan Denifl (IAM) and Vuillermoz once again. Denifl was active in yesterday's finale too. They join the two leaders along with Eduardo Sepulveda of Bretagne Seche. Denifl always makes me think of the cartoon snake in French class that goes 'Siiiiiiffle'. Also Sepulveda? Great names abound.
Attack from Nibali, but it goes nowhere. Dead in the water. Hey-oh!
It's all together now with 14km to go as the six escapees are caught. In Paris-Nice. In Tirreno, the break still have 2'20.
Dries Devenyns (Giant-Shimano) and Damiano Caruso go off the front of the peloton. More great names. Also, this guy is riding if you read too fast. Probably shot off the front muttering "The next time you see me..." and adjusted his Oakleys.
Thurau still leads, the German in a similar position to Alex Dowsett who attacked the break in yesterday's stage. The position of BEING REALLY FUCKING AWESOME??
The leading pair have established a 12 second lead, but they will need much more than that it they hope to hold off some of the GC men. Sky don't looked panicked by this attack. Sky don't do panic.
Betancur's just being greedy now in Paris-Nice. You've had your win, whoever you are! Let the other kids have a go!
Betancur wins. He is taking the piss with two wins in a row. Who is this guy?
A roundabout splits the field as Giant and Lotto accelerate. BMC kick as well with Gilbert in contention and here come Cannondale as well. Tirreno is providing a lot of action when put against Paris-Nice. Fireworks of Tirreno may feature in the short story collection.
Hansen is taking a huge turn. Joker Adam! Hope after all that someone doesn't take a right hand sprint with a left hand corner coming up!
Sagan takes it in the end. Ted will be celebrating tonight!
Kwiatkowski gets second on the stage. Kid's on fire! Also possibly into the leader's jersey!
Kwiatkowski does now lead the race with his teammate Uran in second place. Don't mess with the OPQS.
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