Marginal Wins

Tour of Britain Stage 1, Beaumaris - Wrexham:

Good god I might have to unfollow the Tour of Britain already and we're literally like an hour into the first stage. They are tweet-bombing. It's excessive.

Taylor Phinney is a beautiful man.

Ah Brian Smith has come back from Spain to commentate for ITV here.

No overall ambitions for former Tour de France winner. The fucking distillation of a life there. That should be the title of his biography.

Break with little over 7 minutes and a Madison-Genesis, a One Pro Cycling, an An-post, and Kristian House.

Sky leading the peloton, Wee Pete in his jazzy English champs black jersey.

Mark Renshaw chats to... not Styby anymore. Who is Czech champ?

Petr Vakoc.

Ugh the Elmiger Conundrum. Some people just BELONG in in their nation's flag.

That's cool, they misidentified Vakoc for like 10 minutes too.

Everybody's at it.

Though Avivia is a bit iffy anyway.

Yeah it's good to see Taylor Phinney in the lineup, now can we see him on the screen?

Wow the King of the Mountains race is certainly on already!

Gap brought down to 5'40'' by Sky.

Madison-Genesis makes a launch off the front for some mountain points

NFTO onto the wheel

We're seeing a lot of this breakaway. Like exclusively this breakaway.

Oh hello, who's this BMC at the back?

Are you Rick? I believe you are.

Long glimpses of EBH back here, heading back to his team car.

Hey Elia!

And Styby, Matteo, Cav! That's more like it.

Pete's taken off his winterwear and is doing the stylish black shorts/white jersey combo now.

Gap down to 4 minutes now.

Andy Fenn is towing everyone along and killing this gap.

Mwuahaha. Spain is hilarious.

Gap under three minutes, back here in Wales.

Garmindale coming to the front to feed.

So much stuff being thrown to the side! You could live for a week off it!

I don't ever want to hear about Connor Dunne's dual passports again. Get a new fact.

Bradley Wiggins has come on screen so of course that's the commentary done for the next half hour.

Hey Cav!

This heart disease commercial is SUPER EXTREME for midday Sunday.

Sky chatting amongst themselves at the front, gap under 3 minutes.

Roger Hammond waves to us from the Madison-Genesis car. Hey Rog!

Fight for the sprint in the breakaway here.

Exciting stuff. The dual citizen and Williams from One are tied at 5 points with one sprint to go.

Ian Stannard is so large. His frame is immense.

Aww cheers Ed!

Bradley Wiggins and his noticable gut make me feel gross.

This is now officially the Most English Race.

You are literally the only one, Froomey.

Hey Tay! I see you there!

BMC mostly chillin' at the back here.

Woaaah Kristian House going for those final mountain points!

V. clever. Looks like it worked. Hello first King of the Mountains.

Sky stringing this out and chatting to each other.

Kristian House and Connor Dunne sharing a bottle here

Hey Alex!!

Inside the final 50k of the Vuelta now as well. But mountains loom.

A load of upsets here at the sprint for the breakaways. House took maximum points, Dunne might've gotten it from Williams in the end.

Confirmation. So Dunne will be the first Sprints jersey wearer.

Awww Rick, no! He was so excited!

15k to go with the break at just over a minute.

This finish sounds like a bit of a nightmare. That description just went on an on and was like a list of nightmares: chicane, sharp turn, cobblestones, another chicane...

They let that break go out a slight bit but now Stannard is on the case.

Guys you're not helping.

Under 10k to go, Lotto comes to the front to pull.

Well they've just announced Most Aggressive Rider from that breakaway.

Oh man, who's the ONE GUY from this group who won't get onto the podium?

5k to go, 38 seconds.

STYBAR BOSSING IT

Kristian House goin' solo from the break!

Gahhh there they are!

The break is now two and two but that MASSIVE MASS is coming up on them

1.8k, the peloton is mopping them up

Gruppo Compatto

OPQS leads

AAHHHH FLAMME ROUGE

There are SO MANY TURNS

400 meters to go

Greipel is up there too

Elia I assume

CAV GOES

VIVIANI THERE

Also Greipel, nooooooo.

Viviani!??

That was weird.

It was almost kind of slo-mo and Viviani and Cav crossed at like the EXACT same time.

Shit who won???

God the aerial shot is not helpful.

Some NFTOs rolling in here.

Great scenery. Stop interrupting him!

Right photo finish is much more straightforward.

GO ELIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yaaaaaaaaaay!!!!

Hoooo, Cav was NOT happy.

Oh my god Elia is like literally the cutest thing IN THE WORLD.

Squeeeeeee!

Dave B tossing a bottle to the crowd like a munificent land baron to his peasants.

Not pictured: Cav 'cooling down'.

Don't insult him. That's the Frenchest prize ever.

Cool mountains in the Vuelta. Movistar leads the peloton, 13k to go.

Oh he's smiling, Cav. This is odd.

Very measured response.

Heyyyyyyyy Elia! Podium!

He is a lovely man.


Alright, nipping over to the final 9k of the Vuelta.

Stage 15, Comillas - Jitu de Escarandi:

There was a break but that's mostly being absorbed in drips and drabs now. Haimar Zubeldia away alone up front at about a minute.

Astana leads the peloton.

Giovanni Visconti sent to the front to pull for Movistar.

Tom Dumoulin riding next to TheBoz here.

Aww they're catching up on Zubeldia a bit.

4.5k and 35 seconds.

Verrrrrry few people left in this group.

But still got The Boz!

Oh, no, not anymore.

Tom distanced but not terribly, riding his pace

Awwwww they're coming up on Zubeldia.

Caught at 2k.

Nieve at the front.

Tinkoff to the front.

Tom is 25 seconds back apparently.

Flamme Rouge.

Purito! Round the corner!

Ughhhhhhh it's like riding through sand.

800m

PURITO GO

Aru is KILLING HIMSELF to get back to his wheel

Purito looking kinda chill.

OMFG race for that time bonus Purito!

HE HAS GOT A GAP

God this is going on FOREVER

500m

IS HE GONNA GET THE JERSEY?!!!!?

I THINK HE CAN FUCKING DO IT

DO ITTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!

COME ON PURITO THE CROWD SHOUTS

Yaaaaaaaaaassssssss! Stage win and 10 second time bonus!

Majka next!! Aru was out of the time bonuses!!!! Don't know how far back though?!!!

OH MY GOD

Tom came in 49 seconds behind Purito.

Hardy har har Alex.

OH GOD HE'S STILL IN SECOND BY ONE SECOND.

THAT IS SICK.

We see how is. Yes Rafal, very philosophical.

What's with the weird hats for victories? And for some reason Purito looks extra weird...

God Purito got ALL THE JERSEYS. Mostly.

Wow. Vuelta Extra has topped itself yet again. Ashley is serenading Purito and Purito says it's like his wedding day. Everyone is giggling.

Tom speaks such un-accented English it makes me feel insane.

Oh Tom. What an utterly lovely man.