Czech Mate

Tour of Britain Stage 2, Clitheroe - Colne:

Wow, we thought Spain was a shit show.

That's old school.

Anyway, a Garmindale won (not TJ Butcher this time), so Ted continues his streak of shepherding in wins in this, his final stage race. (keep.it.together.)

Hometown racing for Ian Bibs today so we should see some NFTO action, which is guaranteed jokes.

Good lookin' lads as well.

Anyway, Clitheroe for the start. The jokes have been made.

These cuties were warming up this morning...

The crowds are coming out in force...

Bibs was literally mobbed.

Ian! Ian! Ian!

Though coverage hasn't started, it sounds like there's a most excellent breakaway out there.

Pretty excellent break going over in La Vuelta too.

Right so that wasn't a break before, that was just the group going for mountain points. The break is actually just Pete Williams. He's got 4 minutes.

Viviani is the cutest.

OH HEY BRIAN.

Brian does not mince words. Yikes.

There aren't a lot of chances for a bunch sprint. There was a chance yesterday and we blew it and.. London.

Is Rob Hayles personally sponsored by Rapha? Or does he just like it.

Already lots of fines going out in this race it would seem.

...A lot of natural breaks in public. But that's the problem with British races now!

This commentator is obsessed with Lotto-Soudal. Did something happen with them we need to look out for?

Quoi?????

ALEX DOWSETT joined the break and nobody thought to mention this in the MILLIONS of tweets sent out by the Tour of Britain??

Awww Ed Clancy was caught up in that tumble off the Nick 'o' Pendle climb!

Sky on the front here.

The Vuelta breakaway have nearly TWENTY ONE MINUTES advantage at the moment.

Alex having a chat to the One Pro Cycling car too. Pretty snazzy pastel colour they've got going on on that car.

Sky have brought the gap down to 2 and a half minutes now that Alex is up there.

...Or have they? Bit of a Vuelta GPS here, the radio says it's 3 minutes 15 seconds.

HEY TAY

Climbin' up that climb

Well coming back from commercial the gap may be down to 1'20''.

The race just left Gisburn. Oh?

Alex dumping lots of lunch down the side of the road. Didn't want that coke.

Brian Smith is not very impressed with An-Post right now.

Alex is like, well, that was momentarily amusing.

Dropping right back to that peloton.

NFTO en masse here

Alex catching up with Cav as he rejoins.

Now having a laugh with something. Looks like Marcel Sieberg was cracking him up.

Best boyband ever.

Oh hey Dylan! What game are you playing?

He's going for that sprint LIKE A BEAST but Pim Ligthart might've pipped him on the line.

Pete Williams doing a bit of strategery with his DS here.

There are some real pronunciation traps for poor Ginger Pim here. We've had Light-heart and Lig-tard so far.

It's kicking off here. Both Lottos are trying moves.

Yellow Lotto has managed to get away but Red Lotto is quickly brought back.

Koen Bouwman is the Lotto Jumbo. He's caught up with Williams, who was only like 10 seconds ahead anyway.

They've got 21 seconds but Sky are still covering this one.

Koen B going solo on this climb

Hooooo is this Danilo Wyss?

Identified by Huw as a Lotto Soudal, by Brian as the Swiss Champ (getting there!) for IAM.

Both wrong.

Sort of getting messy here but nothing breaking

Ouch, here's the catch for Koen B.

WAHHHHHHH

BIBSSSSSSSS! #GoBibs!

He went STRAIGHT past everyone

They're kinda after him but he is SUPER CHILL

BOOM. Maximum points.

Who's this??

Apparently the climb has made three groups on the road, a 50-man front group and a 40-man chaser?

Woah 50 seconds between the groups.

Stefan Kung!

Alex and Viviani are apparently in this second group.

Wee Pete leading this... front? group.

Danilo Wyss going for another attack from the front group?

Chasers from the second group trying to bridge

Watch Chris Froome go for glory in the Tour of Spain tonight at 7. Those are some highlights.

Ok lots of stuff went down and now we have a certified break of 8 including Danilo Wyss who set it off, Ginger Pim, and Wout! among others.

They're really quite bad at this.

They have 30 seconds on the next group on the road.

Behind them by 2 minutes 20 is that second group with Elia and Alex.

I wonder who, according to the Tour of Britain, is leading the break now. Poor Bettiol, you Garmindale ghost man.

Styby's having a great day. Maybe he'll win!

It's just Vakoc.

That Alex/Elia group is now more than 5 minutes back.

The chasers with Wee Pete among others are apparently 40 seconds behind Danilo's Eight.

Hmmm Ginger Pim is going for gold today. He's already got 5 bonus seconds and now just got 3 more. He was only 10 seconds behind at the start of the stage.

Gap down to 22 seconds

7 minutes behind is Alex and Elia's group. Sad face.

Hmm the break is getting caught but Vakoc goes for broke with Bettiol on his wheel.

Vakoc goes again and leaves Bettiol. Wout is trying to get up there and dragging everyone with him.

Bit of a mess here.

Legitimately where is Vakoc? He can't be like 20 minutes ahead already, they must've lost him on the road.

IAM leading the chase behind

Ginger Pim and Alex Peters have been absorbed by the chase group

It's lunchtime over in La Vuelta. Watching our break consume a variety of snacks.

Woah those 5 caught in the commercial break. Vakoc away solo.

11k to go.

Swifty's in this chasing group?

And Matteo Trentin?

Ok so that means Greipel and EBH can't win, ok?

Gap up to 40 seconds now

Lotto Soudal is on the chase in a massive way

And Chris Anker Sorensen too for Tinkoff

8k

Vakoc is utterly killing it.

6k

5k

LEAVING IT ALL ON THE ROAD

4k, but the gap is coming down.

You've gotta sort of be sad for him really, haven't you?

Under 3k

Real Stybar has come to the front of the chase group

Maybe he's trying to make everyone thing Vakoc is already back in the group?

2k

THIS IS INSANE

Hoooo Garmindale to the front. With like ALL OF OPQS who was hiding in that group

FLAMME ROUGE FOR VAKOC

OH JESUS there they are

Stefan Kung shot off the front

Trying to get to Vakoc but Vakoc is still up there and it's insane!

HE IS TOTALLY UP THERE ALONE

500m HE HAS TO DO IT

THIS IS INCREDIBLE

HERE HE COMES!

THIS NEVER HAPPENS!!!!!!

GO FAKE STYBY!!!!!!

A Movistar was second but mostly everyone together

Taylor comes in safely.

He's just collapsed on the floor

A pair of Garmindales roll in side by side

With Johnny McEvoy just behind

That was amazing.

Looks like he's got the leader's jersey as well.

Poor Elia still hasn't come in yet.

"Heroes" is a bit over the top for podium music, isn't it?

Ok so Ian Bibby didn't win King of the Mountains?

Who is this literal idiot who does their interviews?? But still, great hair, great man.

It's a beautiful day for me, says Petr.


Hokay, over to Spain.

Vuelta Stage 16, Luarca - Ermita de Alba. Quiros:

37.7k to go, gap at 16'40'', Tinkoff leads the peloton

Gap comin down down down, 14 minutes at 35k to go

The break summits the climb

Well if Larry is anything to go by, this descent is super sketchy.

What a fucking day.

Crash!!

Chava still down!!

Nooooo, he's the Frenchest man ever!!

God. That doesn't look good.

25k to go, 11 and half minutes for the break

The break is starting the crack on this climb

Wee Pierre off the back, Moreno not far behind

LareBare and George holding strong for now

Oh Larry

Astana now taking up the pacemaking for the peloton on the climb

Frankie is leading this breakaway in a big way

The peloton is just all over this mountain

Awww George being dropped. Just Frankie and a Columbia ahead now

Tom still sitting comfortably in the main group

What you up to Nieve?

I AM GOIN.

Astana are trying to pull up to him

Christ you'd think Tom was 800 pounds with NO LEGS the way they express surprise at his ability to go uphill.

Nieve back

Frankie onto the descent

Waiting for Tom to Lose Time is going to be the title of the book about this race.

Yeah the descent before this looked way worse. Once again the forecast was a bit off.

Valverde says he's tired after the Tour de France. He claims he 'just doesn't have the magic'.

8k to go. Final climb comes at 7k.

Frankie chatting to his Columbia companion. They're ridin' along side by side for aaaaages here.

Honestly, they are having a really long discussion. ...In all honesty, a REALLY long discussion.

Gogo is utterly baffled here.

Onto the slope for those 2

Who knows what will transpire after that chat.

Columbia trying to get away but Frankie is pegging him back

Torres is his name I guess

4.5k for the leaders, they've been telling the sad tale of Frankie for like 10 minutes

Be honest Pete, you pissed on a spectator didn't you.

Tinkoff comes to the front to take the group up the climb

My lord he's got a gap whoever he is!

Aru tried to do something and then fell back like he was gut punched. That was dramatic

Haha! 'Look like Bibs'! As if you could ever be so cool.

Ok I got distracted but he is a serious hair rival to Peter Sagan.

Frankie has left Torres behind

WHY IS ASTANA RIDING SO HARD WITH ARU BACK HERE?! 

AHAHAHAHAH! THIS TEAM IS FUCKING NUTS

Tom is excellently positioned and feelin' fine.

Frankie is inside 2k

I think he's indicated that he's dying.

The team car is trying to talk to him and he weakly tapped his ear. Not now, I'm in the zone.

I think we're gonna see some Classic Aru today.

Tom is in second wheel. FUCK YOU GUYS I CLIMB LIKE AN ANGEL

Just behind Landa. Who really at this rate could be riding for Tom, we never know.

Frankie hits the Flamme Rouge.

3k to go but a gradient of like 22%

Frankie into the last 400m

Hard going but he's gonna do it

Incredible. This is my favourite thing.

After 7 climbs (and what seems like seven years since his last victory), FRANKIE WINS

Yikes Torres was more than a minute back. That was quite the attack.

Landa still leading this group of faves

Chaves has been dropped and Valverde too in a big way, but all the other major players are still together.

I think Tom is intentionally riding next to Aru to just utterly destroy him mentally.

Tom ever so slightly gapped, but I mean Aru is on a slide here

Basically together

Tom reconnects

Flamme Rouge for this group

Tom dangles off the back

Puritooooooooooo

YOU GO GLEN COCO

He's got the gap!

Tom has been distanced but he won't lose much time at this point

Aru is trying so hard back there

Man that last 300m is like molasses

Aru gets ahead but he won't catch Purito and HE ONLY NEEDS ONE SECOND

ARU IS LITERALLY KILLING HIMSELF

WHERE IS THIS LINE?!!!!?

HE DID IT!!!

Aru not far behind but far enough!

Everyone else rolls in together

Just round that corner comes Tom!

He might vom but it's less than 30 seconds lost.

Captain Curvers speaks for us all.

Juan Antonio is really gonna party tonight now that Purito actually has the jersey. Not for much, he concedes.

Not for much indeed. Ashley confirms.

Whaaaaat? Cray. GO MORENO!!!

Once again, slight mistranslations MAKE LIFE AMAZING:

Tom, you saved the day. 
Hah, I saved the day?

What a dude. He is so kind. After THAT STAGE, he moves to make way for more mics shoving in. And then answers questions in 10 languages.

Nieve, seen here in some sort of children's storytime circle, has jumped to 5th!

Ashley is in love with Purito.

Also, that's crazy. He went from 1 second behind to 1 second AHEAD. MENTAL.

He's looking forward to Wednesday, bien sur. .. Of course, rather. 
Segura, segura.
Segura.

Everyone has lost it.

Maybe Ashley will sing his song again.