Can You Hear the Drums Fernando?

Tour of Britain Stage 3, Edinburgh - Blyth:

Not Blythe, sadly.

Okaaayyyyyyy, KILL ME. That's adorable.

Taylor was so excited to go to Scotland and it looks like it did not disappoint.

Rob Hayles' wife trolling him on twitter is hysterical.

Is it a job requirement of Team Wiggins to emulate the boss and have a face like a smacked arse?

#Kennaughtakeover was suitably hilarious. Also provided us with a glimpse of Swifty's trendy hair. Looks like he's laid off the hair gel and, to borrow a phrase from NFTO, I'm #gladofit.

Talking of NFTO... Someone's auditioning for the new season of Male Modelling with Pippo Pozzato.

A good day for us all.

Anyway, onto the race!

We've lost Petr Vakoc after yesterday's crash. He looks a bit banged up but is apparently just taking it easy in prep for the World Champs.

Without visual confirmation, we can never be sure this is accurate, but... sounds like the best breakaway EVER.

Haha! You're too late! They're already off!

Oh my god I just love DVB. They asked him a question like he was an idiot child and he was super cute and very gracious. And then he winked.

Fucking hell everyone is on top form. They're interviewing Wee Pete and he's being very serious and professional and there is some shouting from inside the bus that distracts him. Then he looks towards the door where there's an England flag hanging and goes "where's the Manx flag?" and rips it down. He attempts to continue the interview and then they close the bus door on him. JOKES.

OH SHIT. Taylor.

I'm just tryin' to have a good time and stay out of trouble. 

AND NOW CHARLY ARE THEY IN MY DREAMS

He's wearing a rucksack in this interview.

Lovely man.

Some questionable commentary just then made it sound like the Queen is the current King of the Mountains.

Innnnnteresting. Danilo Wyss is only 49 seconds back and has already got some time bonuses on the road, and Matteo Trentin is 18 seconds back.

Gap is at just over 3 minutes and Movistar are chasing.

Alexxxxxxxx!

Rob/Taylor takes to the front.

Someone on Team Wiggins smiles. No doubt there will be a UCI-style fine for that.

Does Alex have a particular helmet? He's so recognisable when he's on the front.

I think he might be the only one with an aero helmet.

Oh for fucks sake, we get it Brian, you wanted Tyler to win. Don't try and suggest that Charly is some evil ogre who raced negatively and ruined everyone's dream day.

Wee Pete in his cold weather black top.

I'm not sure about this Sight Savers commercial. Not sure how we should feel about the suggestion that all blind children live lives of misery with no hope of happiness.

I think Brian Smith is a nice person but sometimes his tactical nous is really effing off.

Oh they're just gonna burn Alex out today.

Onto the last climb for the peloton.

The breakaways are onto the descent.

Alnwick Castle looks cool.

Oh they've ruined it with a Harry Potter connection.

Shoe covers coming off for OPQS.

70k to go.

Schoolchildren scream as if they're on a rollercoaster as Alex takes to the head of the peloton.

Maybe Debusschere hasn't been sprinting well because he keeps hearing the commentators say 'dee-boo-sku-rah', and he's like 'well that isn't my name, they can't be talking about me."

Sky have put some bodies towards the front.

Oh yikes the gap went up to 4'18'' in the commercial break.

Lotto and Sky have coming to give Alex a hand.

What does Brian expect Lotto to do? Just ride around not giving a shit and not trying anything in this race??

Trentin wants to talk to Danilo.

He's like I've heard Ian Stannard is on the front so start running.

Ian and Alex killin' it.

Stefan wants rid of his winter wear.

We all are, Richie!

Gap juuuuust under 3 minutes now.

I got distracted for a second, they weren't just making fun of Taylor were they?? I will kill.

Gap down to 2'26''.

Danilo goes forward and is like 'you guys comin' or what?'

Then Matteo did the same.

Hey Cav!

Taylor chillin' in the way back here.

Lobato peeing off the side there.

Hoo there's been a split in the break. Trentin, Marangoni and Wyss I'd guess.

Yeah Wyss. Those three are off the front.

45k to go.

Excellent close camera work here on our break's faces.

Cows are so unimpressed with bike races. Horses are like YEAH let's race! but cows roll their eyes and reluctantly get out the way like oh for fuck--

The three dropped have been reabsorbed, the lead three have 2 minutes 15.

Reinhardt JVR brought back just to start chasing the break he used to be in.

Gap getting under 2 minutes.

Wee Pete to the front.

Like legitimately half the size of Stannard.

Under 30k with just over a minute and a half.

Everyone everywhere is racing full tilt.

Mentioning Matteo's wins at the 'poo-two shar-EN-tez', whatever the fuck that is.

Verrrrrrry up close here, christ. Practically up Wee Pete's nostrils as he gives Frisson a bit of a tap forward. "That way!" someone shouts.

MTN getting involved in the chase now.

25k to go with a minute 20.

Under a minute as we come back from commercial, 21.5k.

Here comes the peloton round the corner

Wyss and Trentin chat and come back side by side.

Marangoni resisting a bit but they're like right there.

All together now. 16k.

Woah Ian nearly got taken out there. Andy Fenn behind was not pleased with that woman.

10k to go. Everyone just riding along in teams.

"How would you feel with Sir Brad Wiggins leading you out?" ... Confused? Brad? What are you doing near the front of a race?

Not much BMC to be seen. Playing the long game.

Attack from Cult Energy.

Stefan follows!

And takes the lead.

Brought back.

"Team" Wiggins on the front.

Cheers Brad, you're a legend.  He was out there like 3 seconds, tops.

Wee Pete on the front.

3k.

Yeah, Pete is a KILLER. BOW DOWN.

Getting a bit messy here, Lotto trying a rival train as Wee Pete goes off the front.

OPQS checking around for their men.

1.5k

Into the last k, still very messy.

Lottos and Ciolek and EBH at the front

OPQS behind

MESS Mess

Greipel no!!

WHO IS THIS

CAV ?

Gaviria!?

That was insane, there were OPQSs everywhere and you couldn't tell who was even in the frame for the sprint!!

GO FERNANDO.

Man look at him go! That was mad. Greipel looked back at one point like "WHAT CAN I DO?"

He was like on a motorbike.

Awwww CAV! THAT WAS ADORABLE! He's like 8 guys back in the bunch and sits up with both arms in the air as it's happening!!

That Floris Gerts character for BMC is always up there in the end.

Well that's utterly adorable.

This is sort of mesmerising. Like I feel like I'm looking at it the same way they're looking at whatever they're looking at off camera there.

Woah what is this dramatic B-side from Lord of the Rings?? That's WAY better podium music than

Oh there it is. Heroes.

Good facial hair, guy. In a weird way he reminds me of Richard Madden.

Oh yay and Matteo got the cheese!

Taylor is the world's most adorable man. I could die.


Vuelta a Espana Stage 17, Burgos - Burgos ITT:

Right, over in Spain, Tom is already on course.

Like no pressure Tom, but I think you have to beat everyone by 45 minutes in order to remain a professional bike rider.

Oh jesus, he's catching Nieve.

Chad throwin' some shade from over there in North America.

But seriously, poor Purito is already over a minute down at the first time check.

Bait??! Sorry, I can't focus on a time trial when Bibs is searching for Turkish Delight in his pants.

Poor Purito, he's really really losing it.

Tom coming in now....

GO TOM GO

New leader (obvs) by over a minute.

Aww Nieve.

ARU IS RACING to get to the finish in 50 seconds. This is intense.

OHHHHHHHH sooooooooo close!!

BAM.

Poor Purito.

He's down on GC by 1'15'' now.

Aru is down 3 seconds on Tom.

Ummmm, we want Addy Engels. Who is this imposter DS?

He's clearly French. In a sweet way. He's ok. I'm sorry I judged him.

It will be exciting for the spectateurs he says, but not everyone is happy.

GIT THAT JERSEY TOM

Juan Antonio is REALLY EXCITED for long range attacks. He will accept nothing less.

Oh hey Tom!

He has a really disarming voice pitch.

Oh Ashley is like a proud parent with Juan Antonio here when Tom said it was 'possible' he could win.

A small gap in the bunch sprint is already three seconds! He says. So adorable.

Oh my god he is just the cutest.