Sunday 29 March 2015

Old Dog, New Tricks

Gent-Wevelgem:

Obviously last year was excellent, sooooooo no pressure #GWE.

Before televised coverage starts, all we know is: it's raining, and ALEX is in the breakaway.

They had up to 8 minutes at one point but now the peloton seems to have split in two and a chase has brought the gap down to 4 minutes.

Enormous crash. Jokester Gert is being taken to hospital and it seems Martin Velits has a broken collarbone.

Cav was also involved but seems to be up chasing.

Dirk Demol ensures us Gert's injuries are not serious. Whew.

Should never have doubted. What a hardman.

For some reason the live coverage has not started at the advertised time and we are STILL watching some kind of French Antiques Roadshow.

There was a select front peloton of about 40 but now apparently the group behind has linked up making a peloton of about 100 behind the breakaways.

IAMs DS has called for neutralisation of the race; riders are being literally blown off their bikes apparently.

We all know that one VDV.

It does look so gross out there.

Ugh and they just panned back from the break to the peloton SO CLOSE behind. Brutal.

Oh my god, that FDJ could not have had bigger problems getting his rain jacket off. That was mad.

BMC obviously got my memo about the bright orange jackets and are wearing much more subdued and stylish (and MATCHING) red gabba-type tops today.

Fucking hell same thing for Chava, the elastic on the wrists seems to be the problem. He is now riding along with his rain jacket between his teeth and still attached to one wrist.

It is mayhem out there. People are just being blown over the road, they can't even form echelons in these conditions.

Cav had a puncture but Stijn VDB was very cool when giving him his wheel and he's quickly back in amongst the cars.

Sometime in all this chaos Alex and co were reeled back in.

Several groups on the road now.

Cav and Bernie having a chat, and Cav talking to the Sky team car.

Looks like they're finally turning off this hellish straight exposed road.

Niki's up at the front.

Fuckin' seriously.

JACK BAUER.  

BLYTHE.

Where are we this group is amazing.

I think this is the second group on the road. 

Sir Brad has abandoned. Is this even worth reporting as 'news' anymore?

DEGE! in front group. Also Niki as mentioned, Styby, Sagan, Sep and G among others.

As if these nightmarish conditions weren't enough. Matty Hayman just had to indicate that a CAR WAS DRIVING TOWARDS THEM. 

Heinrich Haussler shouting in an indeterminate language to possibly the tv motorbike.

Oss pushing hard in Group 2, leading Greg VanAv who's kind of a legend for even starting after that summersault over his handle bars the other day. He limped to the sign on and said he was gonna 'try and get in the mood' for echelons and shitty weather.

Hausslar trying to ride on a flat tire.

Now Niki has a puncture.

Oss has made the junction to Group 1.

Going past Langemark Cemetery now. Second-largest German cemetery in the area with a lot of interesting stories attached to it.

It is looking good for Lotto up there; but safety in numbers seems to never be a good thing in the Classics.

Luca Paolini up front too. Obvs. Takin' a turn from Johnny D.

Group 2 seems close but this might be camera trickery.

Maarten Tjallingii goes off the front. Oss follows, but decides it's not worth the effort.

Describing this utter bloody chaos as a 'bunfight' is possibly the most English commentary that can ever be made.

Seems Group 2 has merged with Group 1 up front. Everyone is having a small snack.

You know it Nico!

It looks like Tjallingii is riding with a leaf of lettuce in his bottle cage. The rain is more than a little obscuring to this camerawork.

Oh my god of course Sep has had a mechanical. 

But he seems to be chasing back on.

Awww Luca fell over! His bike looks a mess. The car was right there though, so he's got a new bike and is chasing back.

Oh Gert. We love you.

Lord, even his own team don't know where Cav is.

Possibly the entire rest of the team is in the front group. 

I mean seriously. Martin Velits crashed out so is every other member of the team up there?

Luca's back on.

Quinzy went for a move on the lower slopes of the Baneberg. OPQS lead a chase.

Little group off the front here. Oss made a move I think, he's joined by 4 others. Stijn's Shoulders among them.

2 riders trying to make the junction.

Looks like Sagan and maybe Luca have joined up front?

They're all being dragged up there now.

NIKI follows Sep and heads straight to the front.

Looks like all the OPQS are back up front now. 

Big group together again.

They're gaining on Tjallingii now.


A GreenEdge went down in a muddy ditch there. Madness.

Jurgen Roelandts joined Tjallingii up front and is now riding away from him.

Greg VanAv has made it back to the front group??! GO GREG.

TV motorbike happy to take Roelandt's rain jacket there. Obviously not the same guy who shunned Styby the other day WHEN HE WON.

The standards for OPQS are too fucking high. 'They haven't really delivered' is this constant line, all the time, every year. Do they literally have to win EVERY RACE from February to April?? Meanwhile Sky have had a blinder of a season with the same, if not less impressive, results. BOO HISS.

SIX FOOT SIX is Stijn VDB.

A very eventful commercial break. Came back to a split in the group, VDB riding away solo (and apparently confused), Styby has punctured but is chasing back on....

VDB is now away up front with Oss and G and Sep.

He's put his radio back in now and slowed right down.

Jens Debusschere has joined them.

Let's just cool it with this nationalistic pride. Win E3 once and apparently you're Fabian Cancellara all of a sudden.

OH SHIT

Jack Bauer. Something caught in his back wheel? And then he was almost hit by a car. Threw his bike in a ditch and ripped off his musette in a rage. Oh man.

This pronunciation of 'Debusschere' is driving me utterly insane.

Yikes Group 2 is 2 minutes back from that group up front.

Which now includes LUCA! Who dragged himself up there solo!

It's been carnage all afternoon.

OH G!!!! He took a massive tumble! He bounced off the ground several times. Oh G.

Oss looked over at Sep and was like 'jesus hell'.

Oh G, he's back up, he's riding alongside the team car, looks like maybe Rod was giving him an encouraging push from the backseat there. 

It looked worse than that if you can believe.


Geeeeeeeeee! He's caught back up to his front group. GO G.

Fucking hell Niki looks like something from an old school WWI photo right now. He's on the chase to the front group.

Roelandts has got a minute and a half up there, by the way, while all this insanity is kicking off behind.

Looks like Jack made it back to Group 2? Not sure on what bike though.

Here's Niki solo, somewhere....

HE IS ALMOST ON THE BACK OF THAT FRONT GROUP.

It's like the biking equivalent of a fist bump right now.

Alllllllo, it's me! Niki!

This is such a group of beasts up front, I can't even cope.

Giant are saying Johnny D is out of contention (if not out of the race? This is unclear) after a puncture at the Kemmelberg. Waaaaaah.

Thank god Niki got across when he did cuz that second group on the road is just going out and out. 

Roelandts has 2 minutes up front.

Alex has clearly abandoned. Even he couldn't tweet and ride in THIS race.

Is the weather getting worse? Is that possible?  

I love this. "He's probably broken both legs", amazing. 

I do love G, so you can imagine how annoying Eurosport's deifying commentary must've been earlier to make me feel ill will towards him.

Is Stampkot Barn a famous barn? Or is it just a regular barn? What are these tv graphics?

Bumps in the road are bumping Roelandts' earpiece out all the time.

The magnificent 7 have an increasing gap on that back group. They surely won't come back now?

Roelandts is onto the Kemmelberg for the last time. SLOGGING up.

I think they might actually be playing old war tunes. Like what they used to play as troops marched off to the Front.

Magnificent 7 onto the Kemmelberg.

NIKI LAUNCHES THE FIRST BLOW.

G is closest but they're struggling to stay on him.

Luca has been distanced the most.

They're off the berg now and we've got Niki, G, Sep and Stijn slightly away up front.

All the tractors of Belgium are out honking their horns for Roelandts.

They seem to have grabbed half a minute off Roelandts with that Kemmelberg attack.

Oh Oss, he's really being left behind. Luca passed him but is still well behind. Seems Debusschere has caught those 4 up front. That adds up to 7 yes? I think we've accounted for everyone.

Second Group has now reached the Kemmelberg, for what it's worth.

Luca has caught back up!!!

So only Oss got dropped. Sad.

Niki leading this pack like an utter beast.

He isn't terribly far behind, Oss, but I mean it's not like it's easy to bridge that gap.

Wee Sylvain is trying a move off the front of that second group.

Etixx do have the numbers. If they do pull back Roelandts how do they play it? Umm, badly? Tactically incorrect? Infuriatingly misjudged?

Under a minute to Roelandts here.

Ughhh and there's still more than 30k to go. This is the hardest race ever.

Oh Ted. STAY SAFE.

Entering Ieper/Ypres/Wipers now.

Gorgeous old town. Past the excellent In Flanders Field Museum and through the Menin Gate for Roelandts.

And very shortly behind him, the Magnificent 7 (minus Oss).

Though actually Oss not far behind them either.

Oh lord, Roelandts is flaaaaaaggggging.

And the chase seems to be on behind!! VDB starts the attacks!

Under 20k, they're dancing around behind with Roelandts only 15 seconds ahead.

VDB is KILLING these guys.

SHIT NIKI HAS A MECHANICAL RIGHT NOW

RIGHT NOW REALLY?!!?!?!

THE BIKE ISN'T COMING OFF  WHAT IS THIS FARCE

Oh my good christ PLEASE NIKI GET BACK ON.

Roelandts has been mopped up.

BIG BIG gestures from Wilfried Peeters in the driver's seat.

Oh hellllloooooo, IT'S ME AGAIN!!

I know riders pay for these types of efforts and shit but WHO CARES IT'S SUCH A FUCK YOU WHEN HE GETS BACK ON

AND HE'S AWAYYYYYYYYY!

And he's taken LUCA of all people!! I LOVE THIS.

DRAW CLEAR NIKI, DRAW CLEAR!!

G is launching an attack back there!

He's got Stijn and Sep and Debusschere with him.

Oh they've dropped Sep and Debusschere!

NIKI and LUCA up front, G and Stijn behind.

Sep and Debusschere behind look like they're gonna vom on themselves.

13k to go.

G is chasing like a FUCKING BEAR.

Oh man he's left Stijn behind.

He's gonna get on the back here.

I COULD HANDLE THIS PODIUM. Niki, G and Luca!!

Luca's going forward and looking back, no one's coming.

Three together.

G is like CRYING for help.

Stijn is gonna get back on here.

Oh shit, the safety in numbers jinx.

10k.

Ok you can stop stalling now! You've got Stijn now GET AWAY. Sep and Debusschere are catching.

They just can't. Nobody can manage anything, everyone is DYING.

They're about to make this junction.

Oh man, someone is dropping. 

Stijn is having an issue of some kind.

But he's back, that was needlessly stressful.

Went round the left of the roundabout and up to the front.

Niki's trying to drift to the back to launch an attack but G is wise to his ways and seems to love putting people in the gutters.

Luca goes for it!

He's got something going here.

Stijn shouting back at Niki.

Niki forced to make the attack but shuts it down almost immediately.

VDB going again! 

Under 5k! Luca had 9 seconds at one point, don't know what now.

Niki is staying on the back, VDB keeps hitting with the ol' 1-2.

GO NIKI GO COME ON

He's getting away. G is there but no one else.

STAY AWAY YOU TWO STAY AWAY

Sep has certainly been distanced.

2k oh my god.

Ks are ticking down now this is madness.

FLAMME ROUGE.

VDB for what it's worth leaving Debusschere behind.

LUCA KILLED THIS!!!!

Thumbs up and a peace sign to the camera as he crosses the line.

Niki is taking second, don't you even dare.

It is literally the podium I dreamed of.

Oh my god there are ALWAYS words in the Etixx-Quickstep bus.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY WANT FROM THEM.

I love Luca. Honestly, this is up there with my favourite podium of all time. It might be tied.

And Jack seems to have calmed down. That's good.

Good fucking god. Is that a record?

And is Niki going for the record for CLASSIC PODIUM FACES??

Update: Holy hell. This is in the middle of that fucking mechanical mayhem where the bike wouldn't come off the rack.


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