Seeing Double

Stage 18: The One With Alpe D'huez Twice

Not one, but TWO trips up the greatest mountain in cycling today.

Making a grand total of 42 switchbacks.

Still plenty of time for jokes, though.

Froomey has already said he is not targeting the stage, so will likely lap everyone out on course and take the win when everyone is on their first go-round.

Which won't help with the ENDLESS doping speculation. In a bid to shut people up, Sky have released his power data to 'French Power Expert' Frederic Gappe.

But really, what else do you need to know?  LOOK AT THAT TRUSTWORTHY FACE!

Johnny Hoog and BIG JENS VOIGT the first to jump away.

Bertie's Henchmen are making regular digs and forcing Froomey to close the gap.

Several more attacks; essentially the whole peloton is trying their luck today.

Got a few that might stay away here: Boom Goes the Dynamite, TheJensie, Tejay,  Moreno Moser, Tommy D, and Wee Sylvain among them.

Froomey has gone up to chat to Mick Rogers. Perhaps an ever-polite "Hey Mick, WHAT THE FUCK??"

Other turncoat Nica Roche has jumped off the front with a fellow Saxo-Tinkoff.  Saxo's tactics are clear today-- trying to get a man up the road at all costs.

Perhaps Mick revealed to old teammate Froomey that Bertie hasn't got the legs and that's why Sky aren't bothering with the chase at the moment.

They're not happy to let Euskatels go though, for some reason.

Tejay seems to be coming into form just in time for the end of the race.

Ok, I know the Dutch want good things for their man Bauke Mollema, but Wile E. Coyote-style sabotage isn't the way.

I'd love to see this again atop the Alpe.  Wee Pierre knows he's a marked man but will still go for glory today.

"We wonder how long this quiet spell will last. Saxo-Tinkoff has obviously sent its two riders up the road to set something up for Contador -- the only question is, when?" Perhaps after a hearty steak lunch?

Only 80k left to go. But that includes TWO ascents of Alpe D'huez and the apparently rather tricky descent of the Col de Sarenne.

What would a day in the Tour be if GreipelThighs didn't pick up the intermediate sprint points.

Tejay and Christophe Riblon are pulling away from the original 9 mn breakaway.

Though you could easily forget it in this Tour, Tejay is actually a rather good climber and won the Tour of California earlier this year.

Maybe a day of redemption for BMC!

The Sky train has gobbled up Nica Roche.

Tejay has LIT IT UP and is away solo at the front!

The peloton is 8 minutes behind. I'm not saying it can't be done (and if anyone can do it, it's Froomey), but that's a bit of a gap to overcome for the win.

Meanwhile Andy Schleck has stopped curiously by the side of the road, only to resume racing a few second later.

Oop, perhaps a bit of the faux-bronchitis? Andy has now attacked off the front.

Froomey is down to three teammates, but still feelin' fine as two of them are Little Pete Kennaugh and Living Legend Richie Porte.

And we all know Froomey only really needs one.

Tejay, Riblon, and Baby Moser are all together now up front.

The leading group are onto the Col de Sarenne, to be followed shortly by the peloton. Never before used in the Tour, but it was used in this year's Criterium du Dauphine, so Froomey should be familiar with it.

True dat, Merckx Jr.

Voeckler and Kwiatkowsli are cracking; Wee Pierre and Andy are soldiering on in no man's land attempting to catch the break.

Lover of solo breaks Ryder Hesjedal is trying a move.

TheJensie is getting close to the Leading Three.

Baby Moser losing contact in the final k of the Sarenne.  Hopefully he won't take needless risks on the descent to catch back up.

Big George's alarmist live tweeting nearly gave me a heart attack, but it looks like it was just a mechanical for Tejay.

Riblon and Baby Moser continue ahead while he fixes his chain.

Riblon has now overcooked the bend and gone into the grass, upright for the moment.

Seeing the road now I have to agree this descent is FUCKED.

The peloton begin the descent.  Hopefully no serious issues will arise, just vaguely amusing ones.

Oh surprise, Contador is attacking on the descent.

Didn't need mastermind Mick Rogers to tell you that was coming.

The move is so offensive it apparently has caused the cyclingnews feed to crash.

Thank god for twitter.

Moser got away for a minute after Riblon disappeared into that ditch. But the two are now back together and Tejay is getting close again too.

Bertie wasn't making much headway and now appears to be sitting up.  Takes a lot of energy to be a douchebag.

WE ARE NOW BACK ON THE ALPE.

Riblon kicks, Moser drops.

They are doing this MURDER of a stage remarkably fast.

Wee Sylvain and Andy are caught.

Shortly followed by Wee Pierre. Alas.

TheJensie won't go down without a fight though.

Movistar are now on the front, setting a high tempo as we approach the Alpe. For a second time.

Kwiatkowski is back from the dead and near the front.

Tejay makes a move; Riblon is distanced.

Attacks coming thick and fast from Movistar.  Froome's impervious but Bauke and Ten Dam are feelin' it..

FUCK. RIGHT. OFF.

HE JUST CAN'T HELP HIMSELF.

Tejay soloing up the front and Froomey KILLING IT down the back, this may be the greatest moment of cycling ever.

Oh yeah, and TheJensie is fighting tooth and nail somewhere in the middle.  Yep, this is officially DIE BESTE.

And Froome has attacked again, one of his increasingly famous seated accelerations. GOING SOLO ONCE MORE UP A MOUNTAIN.  He could probably go up and around again dammit.

This could be insanity.

Froomey has been joined by Quintana and Rodriguez.  8k to go.

Froomey appears to be struggling a bit within his group, but it's looking good for Tejay up ahead. Math might be on his side!

Froomey is radioing back: "Richie, Richie I need you!"

Froome group still together, but Porte seemed to be setting too fast a pace for the Froome-dog.  Least Froomey went out and won three stages before being bested by his lieutenant.

Meanwhile, YOU ARE SO RIGHT TAYLOR!

Quintana has attacked and Froomey is distanced, but I'm not too concerned. He can't lose much time now surely.

Tejay is flagging and WE DON'T LIKE IT.

"Riblon blasts past TvG". Meh.

Well it would be un-French of me to dream, but might we see the first French win of the Tour here today?  The French love an Alpe!

I know, right?

Froomey is in distress.

TOTAL HERO Richie is on the case before there's even a case and straight back to the car for some gels.

Officials are probably screaming right in his face but Richie don't care! He hands off to Froomey.

THE FRENCH DO LOVE AN ALPE. And it is done. Riblonnnnnnnnnnnnnn!

What a lovely man!

Oh Tejay. But he is still Champion of Our Hearts.

The world can't wait either, Taylor.

Besties Richie and Chris cross the line together. Bit of time lost to Quintana but time gained on Bertie. Success.

This Tour has been legendary. Goes to show, when you let the Froome-dog off the leash, expect some fucking fireworks.

Oh my Christ, I hadn't even seen this in the aftermath Descent-Gate: "When asked why he chose to follow Contador’s wheel, Froome was succinct. 'No, you’re right,' he said. 'I should probably let him go up the road and take the yellow jersey.'"  Why hasn't this gotten more press?? Is there a video of this???

Do your worst, YOU CANNOT KEEP THIS MAN DOWN. Guy just wanted a drink of water and an energy bar!

It HAS however, given us more exposure to lovely DS Nico Portal.  Lovely but criminal, according to the UCI.  

But seriously: keep offending, Sky riders.

Tomorrow, it's on to THE REDONKATHON.

Recovery today may be tricky, some were working harder than others.

Sometimes I wonder if this isn't just a massive three week joke fest.

Gap by Name, Gap by Nature

Stage 16: Vaison la Romaine - Gap

The last Rest Day of the Tour was spent in various ways: Froomey laid down the law; G hosted a who's who of cycling royalty at the unofficial Sky Sports Bar; and Marcel Kittel demonstrated the meaning of doppelganger.

And after that much needed break, it's back to the road.

"Letour confirms that 179 riders have started, with Pinot and Von Poppel sitting it out."  'Sitting it out' seems rather dismissive; he basically had an existential crisis.

Today a lumpy stroll over some Cat 2 mountains, finishing off with the most commonly used words in cycling: The Descent Into Gap.

Even leaving aside its frequent usage in the Tour, Gap should always be remembered for hosting possibly the most amazing thing that's ever happened in a bike race. 

A flurry of attacks from the off, with Top 10 Sexiest Rider TheJensie, Nica Roche, Boom Goes the Dynamite, A Velits, and Jokester Adam among those trying to break free.  Adam will no doubt pass the time by radioing elaborate jokes back to teammate Hendy.

Ryder and his broken rib are also in this current front group, possibly trying to recoup an hour, 18 minutes, and 45 seconds?

Ummmm, thanks?  I got this one Bertie, why don't you stick to making steak recommendations.

Joker Adam and Klodi have launched off the front of the front group. Will Adam stay away or get distracted documenting the occasion?

But an enormous handful off others have now joined them, including PhilGil and Lil Tom and the Elf King (reminding Europcar of the heroics they're in for for the next few years).

Maybe BMC have realised their dire circumstances and have let PhilGil off the leash today.

24 riders in this group apparently, so plenty besides those I've highlighted. Holding a 4 minute lead at the moment.

Mont Ventoux looming in the backround.  They won't have to climb it again this year, but they DO have to climb Alpe D'huez. Twice.

"Hoogerland sprints out to take the mountain points." Not if France 2 has anything to say about it.

"Daniel Navarro of Cofidis is the top ranked rider in the break group."  I suppose Cofidis will have to hang their hat on that, after the most disappointing Tour in a history of disappointing Tours.  A swift exit might look pretty good right now.

"OPQS moves to the front of the peloton. Not to try and set up a sprint for Cavendish, but to be first in line at the feed zone." Takes a lot of fuel to be such a pack of jokers.

The gap has increased slightly because a train passed through and held up the peloton.  While no one is hitching a ride to the finish line this time, it does remind you how the sport is refreshingly retro.

Tiny John Degenkolb has apparently shaved his moustache.  I think that's inviting bad luck.  That thing is magical.

GreipelThighs and Andy Schleck are having a chat at the back.  Perhaps making plans for The Thighs' birthday celebrations this evening?  Andy does know how to party.

With the gap over 10 minutes, it looks like a day for the breakaway.

And the first attacks from the group are starting.

Papa Roche, supportive as ever, said that while Nica merits the victory 'there are a lot of people in this group.'  Thanks dad!

Is the peloton going to make this time cut today? They're out to 11 minutes.

They should stay on the alert if they have any sense.

Joker Adam has joined Blel and Marino in the front-front group.

Though actually cyclingnews has confused me as to where anyone is on the road.  Basically there's 26 people out on the road somewhere 11 minutes in front of the peloton.

I guess Rui Costa is out there at the front. And PhilGil and Lil Tom have been noted as chasers.

Mayhem really.

Talk about cycling 'a deux vitesses'! Tony Martin is leading an unofficial Second Rest Day Parade TWELVE minutes down the road.

Klodi is close to Costa too?? I'm just gonna wait and see who wins and then figure out where the hell they were for the previous 15k from there.

I wouldn't want to be the nearest guy around if Costa loses today.

Ok, to add further confusion, there is now a break off the front of the peloton.  Froomey is in it.

Bertie attacked but was caught by The Legend That is Froome.

Ten Dam is off the back.

Froome's group is: Quintana, Kreziger, Porte, Contador, Mollema, Rodriguez and Valverde.

Huh, Rodriguez is the only Spaniard in that group that hasn't been done for doping. Wonder what the three of them talk about.

Bertie keeps trying to jump away but is caught each time.

They're rounding Beloki Corner.

Meanwhile, 11 minutes in the future, Rui Costa crosses the finish line first.

Well the French wanted a stage win and got 2nd, 3rd, and 4th instead. Typique.

Ooh sharp corner to navigate and Froomey and Bertie both have to put a foot down to stay upright.

Ok, forgetting the fact that I don't know how Porte got out front, he has now "dropped back to be with Froome". Be with him forever. In wedded bliss.

It's a good thing they all like each other at Sky, cuz apparently no one else does.

Though not for the first time John Gadret is shakin' shit up, and he sounds like a maniac anyway so maybe take that with a pinch of salt.

Why wouldn't you like Sky? They have children's tea parties!

I literally don't know who is where AGAIN.

Cyclingnews says "The trio has caught the favourite's group" but I thought the trio WAS the favourite's group.  This is not great reporting today.

We'll have to wait for the results again.

Alright well everyone of note is pretty much in now.

Ten Dam maybe lost marginal time, Wee Jakob might've gained a bit.

Well I got that wrong. Wee Jakob dropped and Joaquim Rodriguez moved up. Bauke Mollema held on manfully after a tough day.

Dan Martin is also now in the Top 10. Sooooo good luck Nica trying to be your dad's favourite now!

No doubt we'll see some shake ups after tomorrow's hilly time trial.

Hopefully less urine forecast along this route.

Hmm, another Bertie-based feud brewing?  Coming from the politest man in cycling, that's actually rather me-ow!  And considering his fellow countrymen are similarly unimpressed by his antics, maybe it wasn't just psychological intimidation that got Bertie abandoned at the team hotel the morning of the time trial in 2009.

To the Top of Mont Panache

Stage 15: Givors -Mont Ventoux

Watching those final 8 or 9 k from yesterday, you really notice how cool Matteo Trentin keeps it. He doesn't go with any of the attacks and then in the final sprint just launches up from like 8th position at the last moment.  Amazingly, he noted this in the post-race chat, saying he was used to Cav yelling "WAIT!!!!" at him in the sprint, and so he waited.

Now onto today's big show.

Is this the fastest Tour EVER? Who needs EPO?

Wee Sylvain, the Boy King, and a couple of other Frenchmen are in this breakaway, as well as some non-French riders.

Oh, the NOSE OF MARMANDE is in there.  

I'm not sure how I feel about the Points Competition.  I think ever since Cav's been targeting it and not winning it, I don't like it.  But it does seem silly that the person who wins the most sprints isn't the person who wins.

Wee Sylvain just looking across there, you can see Mont Ventoux to the left of the road apparently.

42 kilometers to go: 21 metres of ascent, 21 metres to get there.

Oop Sylvain stalking Sagan up to the intermediate sprint there.

Certainly making him nervous.

But nope, lets him cross the line untroubled.

"Everyone knows, once you enter the town of Bedouin, you're leaving it on the Giant of Provence, Mont Ventoux." BOOM.

Take us to the top (well, the base of the mountain) G!

I sort of keep forgetting Andy Shleck is in this race.

There used to be some rule you couldn't ride if you were over 40??  How much less colourful would cycling life be without BIG JENS VOIGT.

Not so much Fun With Gert now, he's dropped off the back with Matteo.

Ryder is having an awful Tour.

"Sky are trying to string the peloton out and thin the peloton out and IT IS WORKING."

 Sylvain is gonna DO THIS THING. Wee Sylvain loves solo heroics!!

Wee Pierre dropped??  That IS "a bit of a shock" Phil, and not a nice one.

"He is the lone trailblazer on Mont Ventoux." Hellloo autobiography title.

"They'll break the tree line to the place where nothing grows." EPIC.

WHAT IS THIS MAN? Sagan pulling a wheelie and then saluting as he's back in the peloton.

OPQSers chatting on the front of the peloton. "Are we doing this?? I'm pretty tired," they seem to be saying.

This climb looks DISGUSTING.

"Thomas Voeckler taking his earpiece out, doesn't want to hear any more bad news," like YOUR BESTIE PIERRE HAS CRACKED.

Andy is out the back.

Klodi out the back. Sort of forgot he was in this race.

Bakelants is some kinda fighter. If he were French he would be the new Thomas Vockeler.

Oh Wee Sylvain is caught by the Euskatel and Jan.

Aww praise for Little Pete Kennaugh!

Is it weird that I don't like Nairo Quintana? I think it's because he sort of threatens Froomey and OPQS.

Jan's still out there???

We're trying to decipher how Froomey is feeling. His tallness makes him look always uncomfortable on the bike, but "he was turning up a very low gear, so that's a good sign".

Jan is I THINK being caught by the pelaton, but I thought that 10 minutes ago too.

Richie Porte is back from the dead and doing the old school Sky 1-2.

HOLY SHITE. They just all died. Richie Port set such a pace in like 1k that there are FOUR PEOPLE in this peloton.

"His friend and partner"??  Are they tryin' to pull the 1-2 in the Tour de Bromance as well?

Seriously though, Porte is an assassin. Froomey would be so lucky to have him as a civil partner.

Ridin' SOLO. GOOOOOOOO ON FROOOOME!!!!!!!!!

HE IS AMAZING!!!!

Straight across that gap LIKE A LEGEND!

Uhh, are those smoke cans a good idea? Isn't there like NO AIR up there already?

FUCKING HELL. STRAIGHT ON RIGHT PAST HIM!

"This is a guy that was ALSO born at altitude, let's not forget." LET US NOT FORGET.

Dude, Froomey should have been the first British Tour winner. SO MANY PEOPLE would've gotten into cycling. How could you NOT like cycling watching this?? WHAT A CHAMPION.

He's strategizing. "What's the situation? Can I BLOW THIS THING UP?"

I'll tell you what he won't be hearing in that earpiece THIS year: "Froomey, Froomey, did Brad give you the ok?"

"I dont know what languange they're talking." I dunno but I think he's probably saying "Mate, wanna get out of my slipstream and do some work??" Though maybe nicer. Apparently he's incredibly polite and says 'grazie, grazie' when he gets his musette.

"Mick Rogers will know all the weakness of Chris Froome."  Alllll none of them??

Lance Armstrong has piped up: "No gifts on the Ventoux", he says. I'm afraid I have to agree. Take the Ventoux, take the Tour!

How long is this gross Moon climb?? It goes on forever!

Looks like a gap, LOOKS LIKE A GAP!

YEAH!!!! HE GOT AWAY FINALLY!!!!

There needs to be a photo of this second right here, wherever we are, 5 hours 46 minutes 55 seconds, with the Observatory just up in the distance and Froomey riding up SOLO in YELLOW towards it. It is BEAUTY.

This is like the greatest day of cycling.

Bertie took quite a hit there.

You're right Phil we've never seen Ten Dam riding like this cuz last time we were on a mountain he fell and was BLEEDING FROM THE FACE.

I think it's time we shut up about the weakness of Froome's team now.  Yeaahh, it's possible to isolate him, but then he will KILL YOU.

Also, they're now being called the Magnificent Seven.

The past three days have been like the best in cycling in SO LONG.

Apparently Froomey and Quintana collapsed after the finish line needing oxygen.

Some amazing quotes:

"Dave Brailsford won't necessarily have WANTED him to win the stage, but it doesn't do any harm to have a swashbuckling leader."

"That was real flair today."

"A vicious competitor and then polite as you can be."


He looks like he can barely walk poor thing. Three times to the podium seems rather punishing.

What a gracious man.

Haha, he says the conversation between him and Quintana was him going "come on, we're getting a good advantage on the guys behind, let's try and work together."

This has become an actual war: "There may still be booby traps, but NOT going uphill.  "Yeah they'll need to use other terrain."

They cannot stop saying 'panache.'

Party Like it's 1903.

Stage 14: Saint Pourcain sur Sioule - Lyon

We're heading to where it all began today.  The first stage of the 1903 tour from Paris to Lyon was 471km, so today's jaunt should be a breeze.

Froomey had a chance encounter with Bertie in the hotel corridors last night.  Not an encounter like past yellow jersey wearers, of course. Though now they're making a big fuss about a sideways elbow Froomey threw this morning in the pelaton, so we may yet get some old school leader's behaviour.

Speaking of unsporting behaviour, there's a bit of sketchiness in the Belkin camp.  They claim they were already on the front when Valverde had his mechanical yesterday, but pictures seem to indicate they only started chasing once they saw he was off the back.  Apparently the DSs of both teams were shouting from car to car all day.

Dave Millar, Tejay, TheJensie, and new family fave Jan Bakelants in the breakaway?? It's like some kind of rolling party!

And a wee OPQS as well, who's that then?

Ah, Matteo Trentin. Usually rather jolly and certainly at home within the japsiest team in cycling.

I'm a bit annoyed about the weakness of team Sky they keep banging on about. What the hell's going on? Why did Brad Wiggins get the A team when he was such an a-hole?

Take heart Froomey, Greg LeMond only had 3 teammates by the time he got to Paris. And he also had the shits and suffered psychological intimidation. So it can be done.

"There's Tommy Voeckler. He's a very very popular Frenchman." Too right.

Does Froomey look so strange on his bike? Phil and Paul are going ON about it, Christian Prudhomme previously called his style inelegant. He's quite gangly but I always felt Cadel had the most laboured style on the bike.

'Davey' Millar they're now calling him? I suppose his regular heroics and general air of panache are causing the confusion.

He's the winningest man in this breakaway, with 4 stage wins to his name.

PhilGil's having a bit of a rotten tour isn't he? He's been denied ambition, caught up in every possible crash, and now he's had a puncture. Mayhaps he's feeling the loss of good luck charm and bestie Jelle?

"Even the two World Wars have not been able to stop the Tour." IT IS SO EPIC.

Goddammit they're talking up Dave as the likely stage winner SO MUCH. We've been here before and if he doesn't get it my heart will break!

Dave, Jensie, Tejay and Jan need to splinter off the front and leave some of this chaff behind; that way no matter who wins out of the breakaway I'll be happy.

"This is a typical Millar move, getting into a breakaway like this."

Andrew Talansky's having a good day.  Depending on what the gap ends up being, he could leapfrog Cadel Evans in the standings!

Burghy and his flashy shoes are shaking up the breakaway, possibly to lay the foundation for a move from Tejay.

And a little attempt to get away from Dave there.

This breakaway has now turned on each other.

Tiny Jan off the front! Watch out for this one!

Oop, brought back, but it's sent Jensie off the back!

Tejay!

Oh dammit. Well that's killed Dave Millar. But then would it be a Tour without a broken Dave Millar acknowledging the camera with his sadness as it goes by?

Julien Simon solos off he front. But Tejay's not gonna let that go.

"Just look at the French people here. Loving the sight of the French off the front."

These crowds are MAD. What will tomorrow be like??

There's someone from Cofidis in the break? Cofidis is in this Tour?

COME ON TEJAY!

Goddamn he won't give up!

God well now he's off the back.

What the hell is going to happen today?

Bakelants and Bak coming across; with everyone trying to get the back wheels it's all a little confusing.

BURGHY!!!!! DO IT!

"And IS he coming across, he's coming across it like a train here!"

"BAKELANTS IS THE DANGER HERE!"

Ooo looks like Matteo is coming up pretty fast!

GOD when you see that baby blue of OPQS you know there is danger!

Yay Matteo!

WHAT is Tejay about riding in there slowly with his hands on his hips??

Davey and Jensie coming in together.  Like a dream.

The usual OPQS victory hug sesh there.  OPQS love hugs and everybody knows it.

Oh Matteo, so cute! "To do the victory for the first time, do it in the Tour de France is the best place in the world."
 
Well nobody wanted to talk to Niki there when they caught Cav getting on the bus, but he pulled focus anyway, reaching across in front of the camera to grab a teammate's hand.

"Another good night in the team hotel." NO. DOUBT.

Matteo is not getting off that podium til they make him.

Froomey always kind of looks like he's going to cry on the podium. It's so emotional.

Tomorrow: The longest stage in the Tour for 13 years AND it finishes atop Mont Ventoux.  Henri Desgrange, you live on.

"And in case the atmosphere isn't hysterical enough.. It's Bastille Day."

BRING IT.

Cross(wind) My Heart

Stage 13: Tours - Saint Amand Montrond

Well EBH suffered GBH, and Sky are one more man down. When the guy ushering you home is the one with the fractured pelvis, you know things are bad.

And it must be said again of Warrior G, certainly the most upbeat man with a fractured pelvis ever: #hardasamotherf#*cker.

Onto the stage...

OPQS LOVE a crosswind split. Classic stuff.

Kittel has been caught out.

Of course Matty "Second Place" Goss is in the second group too.

Pierre the wee show pony has pranced off the front for the single day's mountain point. SEE MY GLORIOUS POLKA DOTS!

Oooooh bad luck for Valverde.

What a terrible time for a mechanical.

By the side of the road with a few teammates: "Quick gimme your blood--- er bike!"

Oooh the gap is going up and up.

One more intermediate sprint win for Andre Greipel.  Is it because he's the only one who cares?

Phil and Paul are suggesting the second group are on the verge of psychologically giving up.

Bad news for Valverde who has to chase all the way to the finish to limit his losses.  Could the Belkin Boys (as they're now being called) leapfrog him in the standings?

What's Bertie up to?

What happened to Richie Porte???

Is he just in the back group? They make it sound like he's out of the race. Such alarmist commentary.

Oh Pete Kennaugh!  Still a bit wounded and hanging at the back after pitching down that ditch.

OPQS has crosswind split a crosswind split.

I mean to be fair it was Saxo Tinkoff who forced it but a few canny operators at OPQS managed to make the jump. The canniest of them all: Cav, Niki, and Chava.

Talking of Chava, is anyone doing any work at this Tour?  Tour de Japes, if anything.

I wish Nica wasn't working for the dark side.  It makes it hard to enjoy his very excellent work today.

Phil and Paul are getting a bit worked up about Froomey missing this second split...

"That's why he attacked like a MANIAC on the way up to Ax 3 Les Domains."

His team has "imploded", is "crumbling", and "he must be feeling very lonely" apparently.

"Chris Froome is in jail"??! That doesn't even make sense.  

G and his fractured pelvis have come to the front to save the day.

Well it's funny how I now HATE the split now that Froomey is being disadvantaged.

Niki just threw a bomb into that front group. He shot off the front and everyone starting swinging all over the road nonsensically.

It must be nice to interview Froomey.  I must agree with Christian Prudhomme's slightly gay assessment. Not the Paula Radcliffe bit, just the 'sweet voice' and 'expressive eyes'.

God, one of those epic days when they say 'his Tour is OVER.'

Alas Valverde; saves me having to deal with my difficult feelings surrounding his racing though.

Charly probably puts it best.

And if it sounds graphic, it was.

Well lord knows OPQS prefer winning to losing, and there will no doubt be celebrations and, like every evening I'm sure, Fun With Gert.

Vintage racing today.

It's Brittany, Bitch.

 Stage 10: Saint-Gildas-des-Bois - Saint-Malo

"There is only one Cat 4 climb after 142km, meaning Pierre Rolland can enjoy a quiet day in the climber's polka-dot jersey."  Well finally! It's been nothing but threats to his jersey and a curious internet campaign against his polka-dot shorts for days!  Joke's on you, assholes, he's got socks too.

ITV's Rest Day special yesterday made me like Dave Brailsford a bit.  Last year-- when he had the unenviable task of bigging-up Wiggo-- I thought he was a bit of a douche. But now I'm thinking it was just Wiggo's douchey goo getting everywhere and making everyone around him look bad.  Anyway, Dave came across well there and again here.

I'm also glad people are appreciating just how decent Froomey is in his post-race chats. I mean he's literally getting the exact same questions, and instead of swearing or shutting down the interview and walking away or just generally giving off an essence of douche, he's responding like a pleasant, normal human being.

(You're no Lance Armstrong, Brad, so don't even try.)

"Chris Froome has gone for a classic look in yellow. He has kept his black team issue shorts, with just a yellow helmet, SRM power metre and saddle." No derision and mockery for him then. I mean really, no one ever looks GOOD in polka dots!

Finish town of Saint Malo looks extremely picturesque. It makes me think of the Chateau D'If from the most excellent novel, The Count of Monte Cristo.

Lots of sights to see as well, if anyone's feeling fresh after 197km in 23 degree heat.

Even carrying that water baby, Niki is all smiles!!

Too gosh-darn cute, Froomey.

Oh yeah there's a breakaway out there today but no one particularly thrilling by my completely arbitrary standards.

"A little bit about our breakaway riders..." Finally! Three hours in, give me a reason to root for someone.

"Interestingly enough, Luis Angel Mate (Cofidis) and Juanjo Oroz (Euskaltel) were tweeting to each other just this morning, and now they're in the breakaway together. Perhaps they planned this at the start of the day?" Twitter-based scheming may get my vote.

"'It's a flat stage but not that straight forward,' Goss said before the start. 'I hope to be up there. Everyone is in good spirits after the first week. We're carry on doing the best we can and hopefully it'll be a good second week for us.'" We know you're doing the best you can Gossy! Go for that second place with all you've got!

Well I dunno about overall winning, but GreipelThighs is certainly the King of Intermediate Sprints.

"The riders have just passed through Calorguen. It is now Bernard Hinault's adopted home town and his wife is the mayor."  So French.

A tweet from Chris Froome has just come up, listed as being sent an hour ago (approx 2.45 GMT). I mean if anyone could live tweet while leading the Tour de France, it'd be him. Did you see how he took on the whole Movistar team like some kind of cycling ninja??

Later expected finish time than usual. They're dipping under the 40k/hr mark for the first time since the race started.

"The riders are worried about the change in direction, when the head wind will become a tailwind." Bang-on tailwind, as Yatesy once said to Swifty in a totally incomprehensible accent.

"Nico Roche leads around a corner but his teammate loses his wheel." Papa Roche will find something scathing to say about that, no doubt.

The way they're describing this finish makes me wonder if they've stumbled into an actual labyrinth.

The inevitable crash. Flecha once again can't catch a break.

Dave Millar leading the way, AS HE DOES.

"Orica-GreenEdge take it up. They are riding for Goss today." Oh god.

"Now it's Saxo-Tinkoff versus Omega Pharma. Argos-Shimano there too. Where is Lotto?" Well lord knows they wouldn't have taken a right-hand sprint with a left-hand corner coming up after Hendy's little chat.

Ok, cyclingnews have announced "Chute!"  I don't know if they've suddenly gone French or just attended the Nica Roche School of Dyslexic Spelling.

Well 'shoot' AND 'chute', a disrupted sprint has given the stage to Marcel Kittel.

No doubt Cav will be back with a vengeance the next chance he gets.

Or maybe sooner. Basically follow Brian Holm's lead and stay off the OPQS bus for the next few hours.


Aftermath of Crash-Gate:

Tom Veelers was involved??  Dude's a liability! (Also note VDV's attempt to stay above the fray here)

Way to look on the bright side, Matty! We should ALL be thankful we have our skin. Except of course Tony Martin, who doesn't.

As Taylor Phinney suggests before evacuating to safety, the twittersphere is ablaze with commentary.

I have to leave for a few hours so we'll see if there's still a Tour de France when I get back...

Dave Millar and Greg Henderson are tweeting at each other. With brazen admiration.  Can the universe handle this or will it collapse under the weight of such amazingness??

Though Hendy is now blaming Cav. Tread carefully Hendy, if the town isn't big enough for the both of you, my heart belongs to OCD.

Well, having maintained composure til now, a more recognizable side of Cav is coming out to play.

While in the Tour de Niki, it's business as usual.

Actually that's technically incorrect, as the Usual Business is japes, but, nevertheless Tour de Niki remains neutral.

Papa Bear (and self-proclaimed U-Boat captain) lightens the mood and brings the love.

Lads.

Also, he's started calling Marcel Kittel Dolph Lundgren?? GET THIS MAN A TV SHOW!

Also, THIS has got to get some special mention. Did he call Lance Armstrong an American bandit??? THIS IS AMAZING FROM START TO FINISH.

I also like how the caption reads "OPQS Directeur Sportif and all round legend".

Okaaaay, now they are actually inside my thoughts.

Alright I got distracted. Back to the subject at hand, Prince Harry gave his two cents, and in reply someone offered the best hashtag ever for this kerfuffle. 

Ummm, this nearly turned into a gang war.  A pretty one-sided on though. Cav is properly stepping to that guy ("Was what my fault? Was what my fault?") and that guy is just helpless ("Mark I would like my tape recorder back.")

In summary: The road bears left.

Over Jan-der.

Stage 7: Montpellier - Albi

Could it be a day for the German Tank?? (The original, East German model called Jens; not the newer, sleeker edition Panzerwagen)

Is this the most bipolar Tour in history? Or are my reactions just becoming more extreme?

Just as the possibility of BIG JENS VOIGT staying away and winning the day is dangled in front of me, VDV and all his loose screws abandon the Tour. His FINAL TOUR. Of a career he wanted to leave on HIS OWN TERMS. 

Tears will flow.

Has anyone else noticed how Lance keeps calling everyone his 'good friend' on twitter? Methinks the lady doth protest too much! Though George holds no grudge and I follow George in all things.

Speaking of twitter, I don't think Brian Holm realises what a total freaking legend he is. In the first hour of creating his account, over 1000 people started following him. In the middle of the night. In less than 24 hours it's now well on it's way to 7000.

Well there's been some ugly business in Albi previously, and since that bloodbag bombshell dropped the Tour hasn't been back. 

In happier news, the town is located in the Tarn Department, ensuring that if that things don't go as planned today, all headlines will read "TARN IT".

Damn it, The Boy King has bested me.  In fact his twitter is rife with TDF Stage-based punnery.  How very French.

Could class clown Jan be back in our lives today? Perhaps he and roomie Jens will cross the finish line hand in hand!

Ted King's Cannons are kicking off at the front. Cav and half the Co. are chasing off the back.

Gossy also dropped. Probably alone.

Hmmm. Blel Kadri has provisionally taken Pierre's polka dots. Not happy with this turn of events.

And Cav is being distanced. Not happy with that either.

"Greipel and Marcel Kittel are 3 minutes down on the break, Cavendish is 5 minutes back, and Matt Goss has also been distanced." They don't even care to note his time properly!! TIME MATTERS OK???

The Ride of the OPQS Badboys (a fantastic symphony title if I ever heard one) is attempting to bring Cav back into contact with Sagan's group.

But the Cannon's are catching up to TheJensie faster than I'd like.

So fast indeed that they've caught him.

DRAMA! Eternal rivals Cav and The Thighs will work together to defeat the common enemy.

Which sort of sounds like Captain Planet, but considering it involves The Thighs, probably wouldn't be as cool.

Though since his outburst, I am starting to fall a little bit in love with Hendy. So when Lotto wins I'll just think of that from now on.

Lampre-Merdia's Adriano Malori is the next to abandon, which was only a matter of time. Not for any particular reason connected to his bike riding, but because 'malori' translates to 'unwell' and 'unlucky'. "Well it certainly does today Paul!" Phil might say.

Boom goes the Bakelants-brand Dynamite.

The Elf King is also there, and an Euskatel.

"Lotto-Belisol are desperately trying to inject some urgency into the chase."  Hendy's words will no doubt have to be edited for broadcast.

Bakelants is KILLING IT.

"The three leaders have stretched their lead out to 55 seconds and Jan Bakelants is the maillot jaune virtuel." Beautiful! HOLD ON JAN!! RIDE LIKE THE WIND!

 The Green Edge is in pursuit of Jan and Co., while a few minutes behind, Hendy's crew are in pursuit of them.

Will anyone catch anyone? Or will the gaps persist all the way to the finish?

Lotto are sitting up and giving up; the Cannons are committing absolutely murder up front.

A final 4th category Cote to overcome before the finish. Jan's men don't have much advantage but then he doesn't need much does he?

Well something good has to happen cuz Wee Pierre has lost his polka dots to Blel Kadri.

It doesn't make Wee Pierre's loss ok, but I do like this really quite touching story about getting two types of pizza so Blel could have some.

A few more twists and turns and then we give way to wide, flat roads into the finish.  A death knell for breakaways if I ever heard one.

Everyone's going pretty hardcore today. You wouldn't think we were on the eve of a Pyrenean weekend.

Jan and co. are not going quietly.

"A little platoon of Cannondale riders had accidentally detached itself from the front of the peloton but they almost came a cropper when they overshot a roundabout."  As long as no one was injured, it all sounds a bit zany!

Aww, the catch has finally materialized.

The tiniest man in sprinting, John Degenkolb, has opened up the sprint.

Buuuuut, Sagan has powered it out to take the win.

I suppose it's only fair after ALL THAT WORK.

Sooo, feet up and a cold beer tomorrow?  Yeah, not so much.

Meanwhile, me and OPQS are in mind meld over the fact that Brian Holm decided to make some tweets.