Over Jan-der.

Stage 7: Montpellier - Albi

Could it be a day for the German Tank?? (The original, East German model called Jens; not the newer, sleeker edition Panzerwagen)

Is this the most bipolar Tour in history? Or are my reactions just becoming more extreme?

Just as the possibility of BIG JENS VOIGT staying away and winning the day is dangled in front of me, VDV and all his loose screws abandon the Tour. His FINAL TOUR. Of a career he wanted to leave on HIS OWN TERMS. 

Tears will flow.

Has anyone else noticed how Lance keeps calling everyone his 'good friend' on twitter? Methinks the lady doth protest too much! Though George holds no grudge and I follow George in all things.

Speaking of twitter, I don't think Brian Holm realises what a total freaking legend he is. In the first hour of creating his account, over 1000 people started following him. In the middle of the night. In less than 24 hours it's now well on it's way to 7000.

Well there's been some ugly business in Albi previously, and since that bloodbag bombshell dropped the Tour hasn't been back. 

In happier news, the town is located in the Tarn Department, ensuring that if that things don't go as planned today, all headlines will read "TARN IT".

Damn it, The Boy King has bested me.  In fact his twitter is rife with TDF Stage-based punnery.  How very French.

Could class clown Jan be back in our lives today? Perhaps he and roomie Jens will cross the finish line hand in hand!

Ted King's Cannons are kicking off at the front. Cav and half the Co. are chasing off the back.

Gossy also dropped. Probably alone.

Hmmm. Blel Kadri has provisionally taken Pierre's polka dots. Not happy with this turn of events.

And Cav is being distanced. Not happy with that either.

"Greipel and Marcel Kittel are 3 minutes down on the break, Cavendish is 5 minutes back, and Matt Goss has also been distanced." They don't even care to note his time properly!! TIME MATTERS OK???

The Ride of the OPQS Badboys (a fantastic symphony title if I ever heard one) is attempting to bring Cav back into contact with Sagan's group.

But the Cannon's are catching up to TheJensie faster than I'd like.

So fast indeed that they've caught him.

DRAMA! Eternal rivals Cav and The Thighs will work together to defeat the common enemy.

Which sort of sounds like Captain Planet, but considering it involves The Thighs, probably wouldn't be as cool.

Though since his outburst, I am starting to fall a little bit in love with Hendy. So when Lotto wins I'll just think of that from now on.

Lampre-Merdia's Adriano Malori is the next to abandon, which was only a matter of time. Not for any particular reason connected to his bike riding, but because 'malori' translates to 'unwell' and 'unlucky'. "Well it certainly does today Paul!" Phil might say.

Boom goes the Bakelants-brand Dynamite.

The Elf King is also there, and an Euskatel.

"Lotto-Belisol are desperately trying to inject some urgency into the chase."  Hendy's words will no doubt have to be edited for broadcast.

Bakelants is KILLING IT.

"The three leaders have stretched their lead out to 55 seconds and Jan Bakelants is the maillot jaune virtuel." Beautiful! HOLD ON JAN!! RIDE LIKE THE WIND!

 The Green Edge is in pursuit of Jan and Co., while a few minutes behind, Hendy's crew are in pursuit of them.

Will anyone catch anyone? Or will the gaps persist all the way to the finish?

Lotto are sitting up and giving up; the Cannons are committing absolutely murder up front.

A final 4th category Cote to overcome before the finish. Jan's men don't have much advantage but then he doesn't need much does he?

Well something good has to happen cuz Wee Pierre has lost his polka dots to Blel Kadri.

It doesn't make Wee Pierre's loss ok, but I do like this really quite touching story about getting two types of pizza so Blel could have some.

A few more twists and turns and then we give way to wide, flat roads into the finish.  A death knell for breakaways if I ever heard one.

Everyone's going pretty hardcore today. You wouldn't think we were on the eve of a Pyrenean weekend.

Jan and co. are not going quietly.

"A little platoon of Cannondale riders had accidentally detached itself from the front of the peloton but they almost came a cropper when they overshot a roundabout."  As long as no one was injured, it all sounds a bit zany!

Aww, the catch has finally materialized.

The tiniest man in sprinting, John Degenkolb, has opened up the sprint.

Buuuuut, Sagan has powered it out to take the win.

I suppose it's only fair after ALL THAT WORK.

Sooo, feet up and a cold beer tomorrow?  Yeah, not so much.

Meanwhile, me and OPQS are in mind meld over the fact that Brian Holm decided to make some tweets.