Well. The hashtag of this Tour is now OFFICIALLY #TdWTF. A lot of other hashtags came and went throughout the night, one of the best being #TheKingWillRide. Unfortunately it turned out not to be true (spoiler alert!), but along with the original #LetTedRide and mine and Adam Blythe's fave #hardasamotherf#*cker, it managed to nearly explode the internet.
TheJensie made the call for 'humanity over silly rules!!'; several people noted that anyone producing that wattage over that time with a separated shoulder DESERVED to be in the Tour; several others pointed out that if what we want is a clean sport where things can be achieved with human effort, we should start right here; there was the whole #TimeTedPoperly movement...
Lance Armstrong weighed in and made everyone feel a bit awkward for a minute (Do we want him on our side? If we don't acknowledge it and stay really still will he just move off like a T-Rex? And what's he actually saying-- has he already bought somebody off and/or killed them??)
And of course @taylorphinney was there being a knight in shining armor as well.
But it was no use, and we ended up with Hero Ted waiting at the start line, only to receive no mercy and be bussed to the finish.
It's one of the weirder decisions made by cycling authorities, and certainly doesn't do anything to defy the image of the UCI/ASO as an evil ogre out to kill the sport they're designed to promote.
As nearly the whole world has been saying, the kind of heroics displayed by Ted King over the past 4 days are the reason cycling fans love the sport in the first place. And the authorities are once again coming down on the wrong side. Keep up the good work, guys!
And with that, the Depart Fictif was off (for any depart without Ted King is, by definition, false).
Moving on, because the pain is too severe (not unlike THE PAIN OF A SEPARATED SHOULDER CAUSED BY TOUR ORGANIZERS)....
Stage 5: Cagnes-Sur-Mer - Marseille
Europcar have got some cards to play in the break-- another slingshot for Wee Pierre or Lil Tom? Also Tony of the Square and of the Saur is there.
It's also Wee Nica's birthday today. Can we expect Papa Roche to lay off and not make his son feel so inferior today? I doubt it.
The gap is MASSIVE but it's early on a long stage.
Plus, a lumpy stage with windy coastal roads? Helllooo Lil Tom's playground.
"Steegmans is looking after Cavendish with Matt Goss also close by." Guh, I'm sorry, did I just fall asleep into a fantastical daydream there?
"Sagan is talking to the occupants of the Cannondale team car. He's taking a bottle and continuing to chat before making his way back to the bunch on his own." The likely conversation: 'Tell Ted I miss him already! And I'll call him later! And it's just not the same here without him, I mean really, it's just-- ok I've got to get back to this bike race now but tell him I love him!'
Too right, Patrick Lefevre: Good job UCI destroy your own sport!
The day's news slightly leavened by Robert Gesink's sweet but a bit TMI reaction to time trials.
"Lots of punctures for RadioShack Leopard. Both Jens Voigt and Andreas Klöden have to stop." I hope this isn't Tack Attack, Take Two.
Imagine being at that point on the side of the road though: Hi living legends!
Meanwhile on the Twittersphere:
Yeaaahh. The UCI's been busy, as we well know. There are bandits to be captured! And injured men to further wound!
Tehehe. 'Certified loon' should be common parlance.
Jokes. Someone's been at the pain pills again.
Ted certainly IS showing his class and intelligence, but my heart is wrenched wide open.
Phil: "Well I'm a little confused as to why Orica GreenEdge are doing the pacemaking at the front, when it should be the sprinters' teams now."
Paul: "Well they do have a sprinter in their midst in the form of Matthew Goss."
YEAH. THEY DO.
"The peloton are now on the climb and Omega have started to make their presence felt at the front of the bunch." This shit is about to get real.
"QuickStep are on the front so it's probably fair to assume Cavendish is in the bunch. ...And there's a huge crash." The lord giveth and the lord taketh away.
VDV and Wee Pierre caught up/knocked down. Oh Christian! He's still down by the side of the road.
Both apparently up and chasing now.
"12km to go and the gap is down to 19 seconds." That gap is about to be like Ted King's hopes and dreams: TOTALLY FUCKING DECIMATED.
"All of Omega are now on the front and controlling the field. Cavendish is at the end of the train with the two leaders just 17 seconds clear with 7.4km to go. Now it's 15 seconds." Do I dare to dream??! Cav loves a redemptive win, and yesterday's .75 second beating surely set him on the right track! Is the bronchitis a bluff?? COME ON CAV!!
"All the sprint trains are trying to find their pace and line but Omega look the strongest at the moment on the left hand side of the road." C'mon OPQS!! OPQS the shit out of this race!
I like OPQS' old school managing of their train. They are just SHOUTING and gesturing all over the place to each other. Who needs radios?
"Lotto vs Omega." The eternal fucking struggle.
GODDAMN IT TOUR DE FRANCE YOU KILL ME.
"BECAUSE YOU NEVER STOP THE MISSILE WHEN YOU'RE FIRING THIS CLOSE TO THE LINE!"
From the lowest lows to the HIGHEST FUCKING HIGH. In ONE AFTERNOON.
Cav you little legend.
From the highlights: God they were breaking down that final k crash and all its various components. Jesus hell. And do they have to show everyone weeping?? This day's been emotional enough.
Oh yeah and over in Austria there's that other race going on at the minute. I just have one question: Is Daniel Oss technically photobombing?
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