Up to Speed.

Some thoughts on the Amgen Tour of California so far.  And some not-as-nice-thoughts about ITV4's coverage of it.

Stage 1:

All I can really say about this non-stage is that I'm kinda lovin' Lay-oh-pard's inclement weather gear, as modeled here on Andy Schleck.  I like how it can go from casual to 1/3 ninja.

As for all the rest of it, bike riders obviously shouldn't be racing on ice. Unless they're given some sort of skates or snowshoes specially adapted for bike wheels. Which would be an entirely different, but potentially equally awesome, sport.  Anyway, well done decision-makers for (eventually) making the right decision. I can see how fans might have been annoyed at not being able to see the race, but I also see how having riders race in those conditions would have been cruel and unusual punishment. And we don't do that in America.

Stage 2 (and also, sort of, Stage 1):

The ITV4 Tour of California coverage is an absolute shambles.  Although just as I typed that, Jens popped up on the screen havin a little snack, then Ted King rode up along side him.

Well, when the feed is working it's a great time, but it's a bit hit and miss.

Stage 3:

Is there some contractual reasoning behind ITV4's LACK of coverage? We've got some chasing and some crashing going on (thanks cyclingnews!) yet here's Matt Rendell reading comments from the stupid twitter account they've set up for their SHIT coverage.

Lovin' the Jacques-Maynes twins, Andy and Ben.  Ben was in the breakaway yesterday, today it's Andy.  Their identical twin-ness is confusing everyone.  Apparently the only way to tell them apart is the hint of a mustache on one of them. But I don't know which one.  My immediate thought was that they should've done a Prestige and registered as one bike rider, but secretly raced as two.  Double the recovery time.  I am SO sorry if I ruined the Prestige for anyone, cuz it's actually a rather good movie.

Not so much lovin' the overly artistic camera work, which focuses mostly on the asphalt and is obsessed with the slow fade.

HA, I could've sworn Thor was playing a prank on Andy Schleck and saying "look over there" while he sprinted off.  But then it turned out that there were actually llamas in the nearby field.  Perhaps, like me, Thor and Andy love Animals in Cycling Situations.

Some amusement during one of many commercial breaks: Ok, ignore the fact that this is narrated by Bob Roll and just wait for Paul's amazing entrance: Commentating must be slightly hilarious.

Finally! Our first shot of Girly George. In his nightclothes.  They can get some excellent close camera work here (sometimes all too close, when Sky pulled over for a wee), and they sure are wasting it. When you can get the intimate hilarity of Thor and Swifty struggling to get their wet weather booties off while maintaining speed, and Girly George handing his jacket off to his butler- er, teammate- why are you offering up several million shots of soft focus barbed-wire fences?

Kurt Asle Arveson loooooves being up at the front.

Shiiiit it's windy.

Dave Z's face was like FUCK THIS SHIT let me in!

They just WEE off the bike! I thought they at least stopped! I guess maybe sometimes they do but there was a SassyBank rider just weeing as he rode along.

"You see the seasoned professional doesn't panic at a bike change". You see, ladies man, man's man, man about town Bernie Eisel doesn't panic at anything.

I've literally never seen so many people wee on screen in the history of watching bike racing.

God, Andy and Thor love each other! They've been chatting all day.

Danny Pate moved from Garmin "to the ol' arch enemies HTC this season."  Maybe, despite liking a good chunk of the team members, he found them simply too self-righteous. I can only guess.

Meanwhile, in Giro news...

Be cool, Fran!

Cav offers up his own version of 'man up' at the end.  "I could, but I won't. I don't need to. Oh I just did."

Sky have just KILLED the pelaton.  Jesus look at that, they just came CHARGING up on that Netapp guy!

This is one of the best things that's EVER been said about Big George. When the crosswinds were starting to split everything he was straight up in first position and Phil started yelling "You don't catch that man out! He is a master tactician! He knows when it's dangerous, he knows when the winds howl in California!"  It turns out the last bit was just an awkward pause before continuing on to "...you have to be out front." But how amazing is that! "He knows when the winds howl in California!" It's like when he yelled about Contador "HE RIDES WITH A METAL PLATE IN HIS HEAD!" and I couldn't figure out what that could possibly mean, til I found out that Contador actually, literally, rides with a metal plate in his head.

Another Phil classic: "They'll stay around him like they mother a queen bee."

Aww Jens! Going through a lap slower than everyone by himself was like the saddest (and wrongest) sight ever.

The hell?? 5 crashes and then Hendy gets the win? Wouldn't have guessed that one.

Fin.

And for the Inaugural Blog, in the theme of Sky's dominance of the AToC thus far, here's Swifty and some dogs.  Animals in (Staged) Cycling Situations.