The Race of Truth

 Stage 5:

Oh dear, as if the coverage couldn’t get any worse, we’ve now got Ned Boulting and Matt Rendell endlessly in-joking with Chris Boardman. Help.

So…

Today’s Time Trial is NOT being held in Soledad as I initially misremembered.  I did think the guard towers would’ve added a weird element.  But anyway, Solvang is where we are today.  I think they should’ve had it in Salinas, cuz then Phil and Paul could’ve told us fun facts about John Steinbeck all day.  And anyway there’s already this very helpful map, specially made for geeks. Get ready, AToC 2012.

I love a Time Trial.  Maybe because Dave Z is really good at them, and I love Dave Z.

Uhh is Team Sky gonna win EVERYTHING?? (Ian Stannard is currently leading)  I suppose since they didn’t win EVER in their first year, and in the meanwhile they bought up a load of good riders, they have something coming to them.

Zirbel is having some sort of attack. He just yelled 'FUCK' and then 'JESUS CHRIST'. But he's still riding... It seems like he's having a fit.  Phil and Paul seem to think it’s a problem with his handlebars, which I'm not buyin'.  Paris-Roubaix 2006 tells us: you know it when you’ve lost your handlebars.

Oh shit, his saddle’s gone wrong. He’s just standing by the side of the road as they fix it. Man I’d be yelling over that too. That’s just blown everything.

They're saying mechanicals are rare but I can think of two awful times in recent memory. I enjoy how David Millar is typically quotable about his mishap: "It wasn't a problem with my chain ring; it was a problem with my team." MAN UP.

Yeah Jakob!  Fast timesplit being reported. That translated to second place at the finish (currently).

George is on the start ramp. He's getting MASSIVE cheers and sporting a five o’clock shadow.

Aww they’re drawing attention to the fact the Swiss Time Trial Champion won in a year that Fab didn’t compete, and thus ‘has something to prove’.   You just wouldn’t want to be the guy they call ‘the OTHER Swiss bike rider’.

Kenda Five Hour Energy have weird (slightly ugly) kits. Like up there with the poo brown of AG2R and Footon Servetto.

I mean you can just tell by looking at him that Dave Z is better at time trialing than everyone else.

FUCK YEAH 30.35! NO ONE is gonna be able to beat that.
 

VDV doesn’t look very aero.  He’s got like a shark fin sticking out of his back.  Seriously. What’s going on there?

Tom Danielson’s got it too.  Wtf?

I’m not sure they should be making such a big thing about Andy Schleck being the national Time Trial Champion. I mean Frankie is already Road Race Champion and there are only so many pro cyclists in Luxembourg.

Ahhh, the mysterious Garmin shark fin is ‘some sort of camelbak’ according to Paul. Assuming you don't know what a camelbak is, that makes it sound even weirder.

Yeah, 'nobody has the aerodynamics of Levi Leipheimer' cuz everyone else is REGULAR SIZED.

Oh HELL YES Tejay, second place! (for now)

I mean I know Lance was derisively calling him Pistolero on Twitter and Bertie was giving the silent treatment, but how come nobody makes any issue about Levi Leipheimer and Chris Horner racing against each other at AToC? Levi may not have left Chris stranded at the hotel on the morning of the time trial, but it's essentially the same, right?

Again, why are we freaking out about Andy’s skills on the Time Trial. I thought we sorta knew the Schlecks prefer the mountains. 

Uhh, does Matt Rendell fancy Dave Z?  “There’s something graceful about him but he’s also very masculine.” (he might’ve said 'muscular' there, but whatever he was saying he was kinda saying it like a creepster).

I know Levi lives and trains in California, but why is everyone talking about him like he’s the only American in this race and thus deserves to win everything. The way they're ignoring him, you’d think Dave Z was a foreigner.

Right, everyone's come through and the verdict is in:  Dave Z rules. FACT.