Vendee La Chemise

And so it begins...

Tour de France 2011

Stage 1: Passage du Gois La Barre-de-Monts - Mont des Alouettes Les Herbiers

Some pre race interviews and David Millar, naturally, tells it like it is: [Re: Contador and his meats] “It’s not his fault, it’s the sport’s fault, it’s the authorites’ fault... They should get their act together.”

Oh yay.  Matt Rendle, Chris Boardman, and Ned Boulting taking us through the first 60km.  Try not to kill the sport.

“It was up to Alberto to prove he had eaten some contaminated beef. Obviously he proved it to the satisfaction of the Spanish Cycling Federation.” Yeah, by going, “I ate some bad meat” -- CASE CLOSED.

Our first mention of Lil Tom, “largely credited for saving the team.” He is an actual French hero. 

“FDJ was outclassed last year by BBox.”  And pretty much every year. Cuz they manage not to be taken down by dogs and take stage wins from Axel Merckx. I'm looking at you, Sandy.

Some of the riders seem a bit unfamiliar with the cameras among them. "What up, I’m John Gadret. ... Oh you’re still there. ... Did you need something?"  Then he just looked a bit confused and went ‘Ca va?’  The cameraman seemed satisfied and left him alone.

Aww, Cav crying on the podium still chokes me up!

Is Thor super popular in the pelaton? He’s always chatting with someone. He is the Queen Bee of the pelaton.

“He’s suggested he might make the podium, and he’s bitten people’s heads off when they suggested he might make the podium.  But that’s Brad.”  Yeah. What a guy.

He doesn’t come across well, Bradley.  Like, he's not doing himself any favors there by opening his mouth.

Ha, David Millar has been making some typically amazing statements about Brad being a dick etc, and now he's having to reign it in (also rather dramatically): “I’ve gone too far now.” Apparently they've mended their bridges, but I think we know whose side EVERYONE would be on if there were an actual fistfight.

Jeremy Roy has a note he’s prepared for this occasion! Something about 'bonheur', can't really read it. That's cute.

That was a wee bit hilarious. No pun intended. PhilGil peeled off the side, then people just started dropping.  PhilGil says it’s Wee Time!

Eww. Cav should not go to Sky. I mean I know they’ll give him a million billion dollars, but WTF? It makes no sense. Plus everyone knows HTC is where it's at.

Frankie!  Our first glimpse.  The Leopards are bunching off to the right.

The warning system is going a bit nuts here in traffic furniture country. Hand down to the right. To the left. Ooh right again. THERE'S SHIT EVERYWHERE.

A crash! Oh my god, it was a bit heavy.

Jurgen Van De Walle it was.  Seems to be ok. Everyone’s working their way back up.

I don’t know what’s going on in that Skoda commercial.  Someone’s had a go at Cokey Tom’s secret stash before making that.

Is Chris Boardman the dullest man alive?

There seem to be so many 'two-pronged attacks' in this year’s Tour.  I think some Directeur Sportifs need to have a think about what happens when you 'let the road decide'.

Phil is describing Cav’s poker face and semi-shiftiness rather hilariously.  “During the team meeting, he didn’t even appear to be listening to the briefing ...but of course he was.”

It is weird how American cycling as come on so much in kinda a short amount of time.  There are four American teams in the race now. AMERICA RULES.

“The strong man from AUSTRIA.”  Sometimes the way they describe certain riders makes them sound so much more masculine.  And of course that's true when you're discussing ladies man man's man man about town Bernie Eisel.

“Quemeneur has never won a bike race but he’s French and that does make a difference.”

Sylvain’s chatting with someone from AG2R.  Might it be honorary Frenchman Nica Roche?

“That’s uh, that’s a lot of doves down there.” They are really struggling.  The camerawork is a bit too chateau-happy for my liking. I love a chateau but do we need a double 360 on EVERY chateau in the Vendee?

They’ve now taken to calling Lil Tom ‘Little Tommy Voeckler”.  Can you call a Frenchman 'Tommy'? 

I suppose if the French champs jersey had to go to anyone besides Lil Tom, I’m pleased it’s little Sylvain.

Lil Tom DOES ‘have the explosion to get up this course.’

“Good tactics!” I never thought I’d hear them praise Lil Tom! They’re always having a go at his love of breakaways.

Getting into Jurgen Van de Walle’s ‘own psychological balloon’ sounds a bit disturbing.  Though he's done a pretty stellar job of work today.

Paul always sounds like he’s selling HD! He just drops it in randomly all the time.  Take notes Paul, look how George works it.

Oh my god can they please ALWAYS call PhilGil “The Man in Black”!!

Another crash! A guy from Europcar just weirdly pitched into a ditch.

Oh and little Linus has gone with him.

“I didn’t recognize that guy from Europcar”, like he’s some random who stole a cycling kit and is just goin' round the pelaton like an imposter.  You know how we deal with that kind of problem.

Oh David Arroyo! Is he the one that went really intensely over that ravine a few years ago and mountaineered back up?  He’s down again this year.

Jens is making someone from TheShack giggle.

Cadel has an odd position on the bike that just looks labored.

Dave Z is all over this race! Leaving Tofurkey Jerky in his wake.

Is this seriously setting the record for most crashes in a single stage?

I like when they shake hands when they’re caught. It's gentlemanly. 

Oh no! Now that they’ve dangled the possibility of Lil Tom winning I’m gonna be so disappointed if he doesn’t!

GOOD JESUS. Another crash!  HUGE.

George! First glimpse.

"It would appear that only one man has been caught out" by the crash-tastic split: Bertie.

George, with Bernie behind. Excellent camerawork.

ANOTHER CRASH.

A Team (Dino)Saur guy had some fancy footwork there. Dancing over the ditch. Way to stay upright, guy!

Fab is always up there! He can’t help himself!

THAT was insane. What a finish!

Cadel in second?!  NUTS.  He nearly had The Man in Black there at the end.

Frankie was right up there too! 

I don't always have nice things to say about ITV's coverage of bike racing, but I have to admit they do a fantastic job of wrap-up montages set to lovely music.  

Pierrig Quemeneur got Most Aggressive Rider. He has previously been seen on the podium with piglets and I therefore am a fan.  Take that Pierrick! 

Team Lay-oh-pard sound like they have a fun time.  Also, over dinner they discuss whether the moon landing was real.  

Rooming with Tejay Van Garderen and Danny Pate sounds rather hilarious as well, if their #growup #noonecares exchange on twitter is anything to go by.