Dave Millar looking AS ACE as ever. It helps that he's so tall.
Froomey alongside Hanseeno. I die.
This is too much. Literally everyone who crops up on screen is THE BEST.
This is odd.
They've ridden up to Mont Saint Michel and basically, stalled.
Snazzy haircut Cav
Of course Gary Verity is there.
Yeah good luck EVERY OTHER PR TEAM. Daaaaaamn Nico!
Maybe there aren't as many other nerds out there watching from pre-Kilometer zero as I thought. I expected a bit of a burst on twitter about the Mont Saint Michel kerfuffle.
AND WE'RE OFF I COULD VOMIT
The only advertisement you need for broadcast from the start: ALEX HOWES SHOT OFF THE FRONT
Who's the Yam?
Ohhhhh Leigh Howard.
That Normandy lion is a jazzy mofo.
Tony of the Square and (formerly) of the Saur is a Norman local and possibly chasing with Alex Howes.
WOUT
David and the Chasse Patate. Maybe my cycling themed children's book.
Are these odd tactics from Paul Voss? Why is he solo out front with 150k to go?
Oh apparently he's fighting Leigh Howard to the single mountain point ahead. Right.
I must say I find Matt Rendell quite irritating.
There's something about Dave that is just like... he doesn't realise/care he's being broadcast out to the world.
He lives in Girona. He said, and you can imagine he's like scrolling through his phone not really listening to the conversation and someone says something and he's like 'oh, I've got a factoid about that'. Like a bored dude out with his mates at the pub.
Alex has joined the front group finally!
TOUR DE KEISSE I SEE YOU
Paul Voss has found himself in a race 39 kilometres long.
This is hilarious. Somehow this is all coming down to massive pressure on Jan Barta!
Bike racing is hilarious.
Excellent horse wheels in Dragey-Ronthon.
Got it in the end there Voss. Nice one. I think he's rather funny on twitter usually so well done.
Steeeeeeevooooooooooo
Iljooooooooooo
I love the new Giant kit but I can't deny it's confusing the hell out of me in the bunch.
Yeah it's an interesting team Etixx has fielded. Kittel, Dan Martin, and Alaphilippe all sort of doing different things at cross purposes.
They're kind of like a dream fantasy team but how is this gonna possibly work?
All of the above.
I like how having French contenders is like, confusing.
Le Crow is on lunch duty.
Getting cray cray here
Cannonade went nuts and now everyone's a mess.
Intermediate sprint? Crosswinds? CHAOS
Le Crow is on the horn about something
Luke Rowe is SO strong he got up there on his own and left his whole team behind.
There's no point in moving back, the rest of his team have to move up to him.
Awfully specific. But yes.
Bernie's been hit! He's out the back!
Etixx are trying to establish control
Honestly though I really really am having a visceral reaction to Matt Rendell.
DVB!
Crash in the commercial break! Bertie down and hard. Cripes! He took a BMC down!
WAHT?!!?!?!
HE TOOK LUKE DOWN!!??!
Bertie is having a problem with his shoes.
Now pedalling in his SOCKS, Ned seems scandalised.
This is mayhem
I think Rowey just went by. Whew.
Ew.
Bertie looks like he's been hit by a cannon on his shoulder.
No but this is uncanny.
FFS and Burghy went down in Bertie's crash!
Dave not as confident with the chateau knowledge as Phil and Paul. You're welcome, he mumbles out sarcastically at the end.
Ok sorry Brent, but thank god.
Order restored and it's all a bit sleepy again.
Pointe du Hoc! I SHOULD BE THERE.
I feel like if I was one of those chalk board timing people I'd defs, the odd time, just put up the sign saying "You're doing great :)"
Excellent cow maypole here in wherever we are.
DO IT!!!!!!!!!!
LMNH knows.
BACK ON THE COASTAL ROADS
Everyone is over-revving and everyone has got a terminal velocity. Dave has his own profound and dramatic way of saying statements of fact.
Welp. Here'll be the catch.
What's.
Oh it's sure helpful to have Dave in commentary. Miki Schar was messing about with a single front wheel and a bike and his gangly giraffe physicality but now at least we know why.
Tomorrow might well be a day for Van Avermaet. The title of his biography.
BMCs dangling round the back here
Ahh yeah there's Tejay that's why. Couldn't have imagined it was all for Miki Schar.
Ooooh I feel like I'm flying a drone! The helicopter leg just came into shot, very disorientating.
Alex Howes isn't going down without a fight.
Alex Howes needs a nickname but I'm waiting for inspiration.
YAAAAAAS NO MORE COMMERCIALS
But a lone fucking what looks like a pirate boat out there in the sea. Jesus I love the Tour and it's made me mental.
72 years ago there were 864 MORE boats out there, Dave reminds us.
HEDGEROWS
Normandy is just too fucking amazing.
Ah man this is too much. Those Mulberry harbours out there in the water.
Tony of the Square, LOCAL SON, is making a move!
St Mere Eglise!
Mark Cavendish has Bernie Eisel beside him and all around him. So accurate.
Alex keeps giving it a go but can't shake Norman Tony.
They've turned into the cross-tail
Kiry has such a recognisable physical presence on the bike.
Ruh-roh, Ned says Lotto-Soudal went the wrong way round that roundabout. Hendy will have something to say about that.
UGHHHHHHH KRISTOFF IS HERE?!! Don't bore this Tour to death.
This is so weird there's 8k left what are we all doing
MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY
That was intense
That camera work was so dramatic
JOHNNNNNNNNNNNN You've played quiet game and I WOULD DIE if you won!!!!
Etixx are so in control it's like beautiful to watch
Jostling back there SO MUCH OH MAN. Tony is shouldering people
This is chaos
THIS IS CHAOS
62k AN HOUR THEY'RE GOING
FLAMMMMMEEEEE
BUMPING
OH CRASH JESUS OF COURSE THERE IS
WHAT I SH HAPPENING
THERE'S LIKE NO ONE UP HERE
SAGAIN iIS SO FAR AHEAD
BUT WER"RE NOT THERE
WHAT IS
WHERE ARE WE
CAV IS THERE
WHERE IS THE FINSIH STAY UP THERE
CAVVVVVVVVVVVVVV!!!!!!!!!!!!
I FUCKING ALMOST THREW UP
Who is that if it's Bernie being so emphatic as he crosses the line I'LL DIE
Oh man I might cry.
Oh man he wanted that so much.
Oh my god that Katusha took a FUCKING BEATING. Hope he's ok.
THE CAV!!!
The third opportunity, the third one without bad luck
IS HE CRYING?!! I'M GONNA BE SICK
OH MY GOD DELILAH IS THERE
WHAT DID DADDY WIN YA
FLOWERS...
FLOWERS.
SO YOURE HAPPY
I MIGHT DIE
OH MAN THE CAVENDISH-TODDS CRYING AND FREAKING OUT IN A FIELD I AM WITH YOU
Ah man you watch that sprint back and it is cray.
OH SHIT OF COURSE HE BROUGHT DELILAH UP
SHUT UP LOOK AT HER HOLDING UP THE FLOWERS THEY'VE PRACTICED THIS
LOOK AT THIS.
THIS IS SO RIGHT.
I'm dead.
They're talking to Peta and she's talking about how she made all the children cry.
She's great.
Guys nobody cares about the Giro Rosa stop trying to make the Giro Rosa happen.
You can see that wound there on his hip. You can also, very nearly, see his nuts, so maybe let's pan away here guys, this is a family show.
SO RIGHT.
Right now I am Peta Cavendish freaking out and crying and upsetting the children.
MAKE IT STOP MY HEART
Gary Imlach quite clearly just wanted to bring up cross winds so he could say 'Chris, cross-winds..'.
I'm not sure my heart will survive the TDF this year.
WHAT IS THIS EXCELLENT MUSIC AS USUAL ITV WRAP UP DAMMIT
Edit: Great post-stage analysis. Did I know we were all calling him Bertie?!?
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