French coverage is amazing. It's like Gerard going around talking to basically my grandad and friends of the family about the history of the town. But like broadcast all over the world, and under the guise of sports coverage.
Arthur Vichot is quite striking. He's looking at this interviewer like he doesn't speak French though.
Oh man they're talking to tiny French school children in ponchos about Thibaut Pinot and the little mini-race they ran this morning I'm dying.
C'est mignon comme tout, bravo! Gerard is all of us.
This is all killing me.
Oh man this weather. It was SO beautiful yesterday. Deceptively beautiful. Now this is classic Normandy weather.
They HAVE been saying this is like a mini-Classic today. We could totes be in Belgium right now.
LOOK AT CAV IN YELLOW
I don't like the dude but bike racers, they hardcore. And he did ride like 10 miles up a mountain with a broken leg that one time.
This break is a bit dull today.
Steeeeevvoooooo leads the way!
Burgy and his yellow shoes are there!
Weather's apparently so terrible we can only get moto images cuz the helicopters can't fly.
The Tour de France in France is lovely.
C'est la fete, c'est le Tour de France.
Not a great Tour here for Bertie so far. Another crash. He's at the side of the road looking FED UP.
FFS he's 2 minutes behind the group now.
Luke looking hard as a motherfucker.
Oh fuck! They're showing the crash from yesterday from a spectator video and IT IS MAD.
Is Purito here?
I wish this break was more exciting. Need someone to root for.
Marcel Kittel is moderately garish in that green jersey/Etixx blue shorts combo.
Nice bracelets Stevo!
BMC always look like they've fielded a larger team than everyone else.
Not that it ever seems to result in anything, like winning.
Piss time for an Etixx over there
OBVIOUSLY the Tour is sponsored by an opticians. TRES FRANCH.
Over to ITV now.
It was Michael Morkov that went down yesterday, who I didn't realise was riding for Katusha so that was some confusion. He and everyone else from that nonsense is ok and riding today.
Fuuuuuuuucking hell this asshole was leaning so far over the barriers and Hendy going 10 million miles an hour had to duck under him!!
Have I always thought that Vegard Breen is someone called Bryan Vygaard or are those two different people or is one of them made up or what the hell is going on
STILL BRINGING THE A GAME TO THE TOUR IS THE JENSIE.
You read my mind Dimension Data.
Does Matt Rendell have an actual voice condition cuz if so I'm sorry but if not it's really just really annoying sounding.
TF. Isn't Vino banned from this race or shouldn't he be FFS.
ILJOOOOOOO
Luuuuuuuuuuuke. You look so good on a bike.
The fuck is a 'dog leg sort of corner' Dave?
Dan Martin is saying it's not hard enough for him which, oh to be Dan Martin.
Bernie looks like bloody Henry the VIII here. What a stud.
Cripes I'm not a Beckett fan but The Capital of Ruins is a gorgeous turn of phrase.
Coming to the intermediate sprint here
Offfffff course, King of Intermediate Sprints Andre Greipel goes for it. And gets it.
Tony of the Square won the combativity prize yesterday. I certainly love me some Alex Howes (#JeSuisKnifeBat) but I think you gotta give that to Norman Tony.
No, Spartacus wouldn't have a mullet. This is what's coming out of commentary. After misidentifying Shane Archbold.
Bernie's on the front on the radio being a boss.
Stevo's back. Maybe he just needed a piss.
UGHHHHHH STOP MENTIONING VALVERDE.
Piss Wagon at the back. A hefty second peloton of nature-breakists catching back up. That's not a racing situation, so to speak.
Ned tries to suggest Sky haven't achieved in the Classics. Dave barely lets him finish. Liege Bastogne Liege, Wout Poels.
A Paris, bien sur.
Dave can't cope with the fact-giving aspect of commentary. You can practically hear him stretching in boredom. He describes a lighthouse. Ned says where. That lighthouse, sticking up, there, he says sassily.
So yeah wait who's the leader on Astana?
Bluuuuuuurg not Greenedge (who isn't Greenedge anymore apaz) please.
Poor Michael Morkov being so distanced and riding along alone to the finish.
Chase being organised, gap sorta dropping
HANSEEENOOOOO
Just as I was about to say this is a teensy bit boring.
BMC leading the peloton
Sort of. It's all pretty effing chaotic up here.
Not many Ks to go but still 2 climbs anyway
OOOOOOH TJ Butcher in the mix! YESSSS let's have that!
Has it started raining again?
2'41'' with just 12 kilometres left is NOT comfortable.
Jasper Stuyven goes solo. Which. Meh.
ETIXXXXX taking to the front on this climb
Froomey and G up here in safety first mode
WOUT.
Classic Richie. A puncture and he's having to have it changed by neutral service. Who is as about as good at wheel changing as I am.
Well. Who can say.
Stuyven is onto the climb now.
TJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ
Butcher I mean.
GO ON THE BUTCHER
Yeah I'm sure Dan Martin is in a great position. Which he will remain in until the decisive moment has passed.
COME ON TJ BUTCHER.
KEEP YOUR FLAGS OUT OF HIS FACE
Richie Porte is engaged in his own private battle against losing time. LITERALLY HIS LIFE STORY.
Ughhhhhhhh, Stuyven. GET CAUGHT.
Oh man they're right there though.
Fine. Good. Come on.
NICE AMERICAN FLAG That thing is fucking massive.
NOT A MOMENT TOO SOON FLAMME ROUGE
Alaphillipe and Dan Martin here apparently.
This looks utterly fucking dangerous.
Swamped up finally NOT A MOMENT TOO SOON
THERE ARE LOADS OF HORRIBLE AND AMAZING PEOPLE HERE
ALAPHILLIPPE COMON
WHATS
WHO ARE YOU
MICHAEL
BLING
NO BUT PETER
ALAPHILLPE
DAMN
BUT
YAY
OH MAN ALAPHILLPE IS BANGING HIS BARS GODDAMN I AM THERE.
That was too much my heart is tense.
I think I'm happy.
I don't think Richie Porte could've possibly had a puncture at a worse moment. Oh Richie. Some people are just cursed.
Does anyone else kind of see this similarity?
Oh my fucking god Valverde was third you are all heroes for beating him.
I am very surprised I won OH MY GOD HE THOUGHT THERE WERE TWO PEOPLE STILL UP FRONT he didn't think he won!!!! I AM DYING.
PETER damn you every time!
I'm wearing very nice jersey (AND HE GESTURES AT THE WORLD CHAMPS JERSEY) but this is nice.
This man is a living legend.
Day two and Richie's Tour is pretty much over.
We all thought he was tired as he crossed the finish line cuz he didn't salute but he thought he was riding for third place!
This man is our King.
Cav is not super duper happy.
Yeah it was a beautiful day. It was a real honour to wear it. AND HE SPOKE TO FAB ABOUT IT.
Classic BMC I'm afraid.
I'm gonna use this whenever I have to own a mistake in the future: *Shrug* I have no idea about cliffs to be perfectly honest.
Hendy is a hero.
Guys it was a shit day but let's not take down national treasure Juan Antonio.
You have everything and you are everything.
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