Be Still My Flandrien Heart

Omloop Het Nieuwsblad

I will watch any race, any time, but let's be honest...

SHIT JUST GOT REAL.

A little reminder that the results weren't really my thing (AT ALL), but MY GOD the Classics were fucking excellent last year.

I should clarify that Luca's win was fabulous and that podium was the best probably in the history of cycling.

(Also, ACE MUSIC guys)

Oh Elia. That's lovely.

If it's in the Gent Citadelpark, I feel like I should be there.

Peter's like "Cheers, yeah, I'll have this before we kick off shall I?"

DO I HAVE A PULSE?!! YES I'M READY!

I mean, yeah I'm dead.

Nieuwsblad Extra? The people demand it.

Hellingen hellingen hellingen I'M TOO EXCITED!

(Elsewhere in the world, Wee Pierre to Garmin has been the best transfer ever. Who'd have guessed he was a hidden social media gem?)

Yeah but does he though.

SO REAL DAN.

CAN YOU SEE DE KARPER??????

There's a little break, Kristian House is in it. And Goujons.

But like what the hell. He just puts out the vibe. Tommeke for the next James Bond?

Are Topsport Vlaanderen and Etixx using the same printers? I mean, it's the same blue right?

From Cyclingnews: It's Keisse on the front and he's been there ever since the break moved clear. He barely changes position, and just keeps ticking along and setting the pace for his team and the peloton. It's such an important part of the make-up of Etixx, to be able to control the race during these early stages. It's always expected of them, and they always deliver on that front.

I WANT LIVE COVERAGE FROM START TO FINISH!!!!!!

Also I mean obviously what kind of maniac doesn't love Iljo Keisse, but whoever's writing this is clearly #TeamKeisse in a big way and I am lovin' that.

I'm coming late to this party but is Pat Lefevre's team legit the greatest in history?? And to receive praise from Papa Lefevre!! That is your life made right there.

Ok I know I said I'd watch anything but this #bda16 whatever it is going on over in France is clogging up the twitter feed.

Dan you amazing human.

BERT DE BACKER!  Hi Bert! What a lovely man. Looking well. Keep the beard off Bert.

Onto the Kapelmuur.

God it's cool. I wish it was still part of Flanders.

My rudimentary Flemish suggests Bert and the Sporza lot agree with me.

As does everyone who's anyone. Damn.

Oh my fucking life they might actually be in De Karper.

Little background special on Teisj here. No pressure guy.

The feed just broke as we recapped Niki coming to the podium. Cuz obviously.

Tom is always so chill. What a fucking dude.

Ohhhhhhh my god, I had not seen this Grease thing Peter did til now. WHAT IS HE?? I love him.

Well, it's sad to leave Bert and Sporza but I don't actually speak Flemish. Don't let me down L'equipe.

I'm not sure about Katusha's new kit.

HIIIIIIIII ILJOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Hi Tony, also.

I could watch Iljo pedal all day.

Hokay. Let's not dream with Arnaud Demare guys.

Skys massing. SuperFenn, Elia... A dodgy moustache on Le Crow there?

Didn't recognize Kristian in his ONEPRO gear there.  Doesn't help that DirectEnergie is a bit JTL-ish.

Gahhhh what's this?? Looks like not a crash but a bit of a bottleneck at the turn. All seems well.

Quinzy?? PHIL. ILJO I LOVE THIS

Who is even on OGE? I find them so difficult to know.

Who's this tiny Sky person?

Jempy Drucker has a very unique jaw shape.

Arret-pipi. En masse here.

Oooooh it's getting difficult for some now.

Ca doit rouler commeme! our commentator interrupts himself to say.

Snacktime for Tony. Tony feels no pain.

Oss!

Elia!

Whatever this team in white is!

Phillllllllllllll!

Peter! Lurking lurking

Break onto the Kruisberg! Kristian House bossing at the front.

OH NO WHAT'S THIS. OGE, Lotto Jumbo and a Lotto Soudal down.

I think Iljo just shoved Tony up the hill as he fell away.

I'm kinda into this commentary team on Equipe21.

NIKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

Shielded behind Stijn.

Is Steve Chainel this decent commentator?

Luke, what is this facial hair. Come on buddy.

Ooooh something at the back. Sky is having more trouble than most.

Is Rod there???

I guess it could've been just like another ginger guy with a vaguely similar build.

Oh OGE. Man they're having a race to forget.

Some ACE bunny-hopping going on here. Gregory Rast and a Lotto Jumbo jumping sideways onto a bike path.

BMC PUTTIN' IT DOWN

BUT SKY IS PICKING IT UP

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD THAT EXPLODED

Boonenberg has become LE CROW'S NEST.

Greg VanAv is with him also I guess.

Ugghhhhhh let's not recall last year PLEASE.

Peter is chasing with Oss.

HELL YES IL SAIT JOUER. Kid came 9th in Roubaix!! LE CROW IS THE MAN.

Peter caught Luke and Greg and they've basically caught those last breakaways

WHEN DID TIESJ GET HERE?!

THIS RACE IS AMAZING.

Guys it's hard enough to follow bike racing in a mainstream normal way let's just cool it with the women's coverage yeah?? One thing at a fucking time.

Tiesj leads the way!

Tiesj leads Greg this is harsh imagery.

THIS IS AMAING

LUKE & GREG & PETER & TIESJ  I mean I don't know who else but who cares!???

Everyone's a mess, Luke had a graphic groin strain, Greg dropped his snack bar, Peter missed his bottle and nearly killed a man.

This is gorge. These four on the Wolvenberg is killer.

ohhhhh Etixx. Having to lead the chase behind.

But like when they're in front they lose so maybe this is a good thing??

Goddammit I love Luke I can't even be cool I want him to win.

Let's rein in those last breakaways just to clean things up a bit here ya?

Oh hello christ what else can I do with my mind?

Tony Martin pour les Etixx Quick Step. Je crois que c'est fichou pour les echappes.

Pretty stunning out there in the sun soaked fields of Flanders.

Is Julien Vermotte here?

Hey bro!

UGHHHHH NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Etixx down on that turn! TONY?

WHO WAS THAT WHO WAS IT

Ok well he's up but

Fuck Niki managed some evasive action I THINK but he might've gone into the crowd briefly.

Fucking hell. I did not need that.

Alright so these last 2 dudes out front--

Oh jesus not for long. That was intense as LE CROW & CO came around that corner at them.

Ok so soon it'll be Luke's dudes and then the peloton at just over a minute.

Chase group? An IAM, a Bora Argon--

OH GOD COME ON GUYS

Another crash

NOOOO NOO NOO BMCS DOWN

They think it's PHILLLLLL NOOOOOOOOOO

NO I can't deal!!!!

Is that him on the side of the road?!!

Chase group a bit inconsequential. Wee Sylvain is there but that's it really.

Oh Niki why are you behind? Woe woe woe

Unless. Actually where is everyone?

Anyway 35-ish k and everyone is within a minute of each other.

David Millar is my jam.

HUP. Etixx caught the chasers. Nico Maes specifically.

Nico, Tony, Stijn at the head. Lots of Treks about as well.

AG2R? Do they have new kit? I can't see them though apparently they're there.

AAHHH it's E.T. and Tosh VDS trying to escape!

28k now. They suggest the break may have it? Is it too early for that sort of chat?

Trek sure is trying a lot of moves here.

What an utter bunch of weirdos we all are over in bike racing. But YES.

Dude legit laughed recounting Etixx's woe of yesteryear. Couldn't even hold on to a touch of professional detachment over the tactical stupidity.

Fuuuuuuuckin' hell Jesper went into that turn hard. Well that's that attack over.

Stijn leads the chase now.

There's like no peloton. It's like all of Etixx and like 4 other dudes.

Ooooof shit's getting real now.

Peter is kicking up the pace and dropping chaff.

Oh Etixx. What is the game plan here.

I know the gap isn't going OUT but it isn't going DOWN either.

15k with Luke, Peter, Tiejs, Greg, and Goujons.

You could make a fucking BRILLIANT podium with that or you could make a slightly shit one.

In any event, they have 51 seconds.

... Maybe this just isn't a race for Etixx.

GHENT. Hello!

Well Lotto is giving a little assistance now. Finally.

Well Petr Vakoc won over in Sud Ardeche so that may have to be enough for Papa Lefevre today.

Ok I just pissed myself. That's an acceptable mention of women's cycling.

DON'T TEMPT THE WRATH OF THE WHATEVER FROM HIGH ATOP THE THING.

Well yeah in this case he got drunk first.

The great riddle of our time.

7k.

DirectEnergie now getting in the game...

Tres French. Certainly it's over?

Crossing the Schelde. Here at the final frontier of the Oregon Trail.

Luke sort of looks like he might vomit.

But he also looks strong. I'm dying.

3.5k and 25 seconds!!

I DON'T UNDERSTAND MATH

Ou sont passes les Tom Boonen, les Niki Terpstra...

That was like beautiful and lyrical and a bit Catch-22.

5ieme ou 48ieme-- what are they even talking about??

TWO K.

FUCKING HELL ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THIS 18 SECONDS AND 1.2K!?!?

I could Luke-Rowe-vomit right now.

FLAMMMMMMMMEEEEEEE

THEY ARE ALL STILL TOGETHER OMG

THIS IS FUCKING MENTAL

LUKE STALKING

FUCKING GREG JESUS

WHATTTTTTTT!!!!!!


GREG ACTUALLY WON SOMETHING

Awwwww. Good on you GVA.

.... I think Peter did come in second tho.

Did Luke podium??

Hmm. Guess it was Tiesj for third.

Well. I could've done with a win for Le Crow but that was rather decent.

Wtf Greg is cuddling his child who is wearing a furry bear onesie. I'm dead.

Yeah, good for you Greg.

Peter. No one loves your lustrous hair more than I do, but is it getting a BIT long now?

That kid is totes shell shocked. she's like... "We've never been up here before..."

Those Kwaremont magnums are sweet.

I LOVE CLASSICS SEASON.