Left in the Dust

Okay, I was just using a speculative hyperbolic turn of phrase, but Fab actually DID break his back!! AND RIDE 50 KILOMETERS TO THE FINISH UP A HILL.

AND ONLY FINISH 11 MINUTES BEHIND THE GUY TRYING TO WIN IT.

He was stoic as a mofo when you consider his SPINE WAS FRACTURED and he was RIDING A BIKE.

I like how whoever this is has the inclination to follow Fab in the peloton like a cub to a papa bear. And then he's given a wide berth to move through the crowd like a champion.

Then there's this guy.

And this adorable aftermath that makes me well up.

And Hendy broke a rib among other things but has just confirmed he will start today.

Then there's this thing making the rounds. Not to be overdramatic but initially with the helicoptors and sirens and shit it's like reporting from a fucking warzone.

The carnage behind is distressing but I have to say this picture of Pippo makes him look like the fucking Terminator.

This is sort of a beautiful short story.

So today it's BOULDERS ON and there will for sure be some yellowing.

Squeeeeee! It's like speeding down the A1 towards Orchies in April!

Love these anyway (Nathan's thousand yard stare is particularly excellent as is JACK BAUER's animated storytelling), but the best is scrolling all the way to the end and Charly looking like an exchange student waiting at the bus station.

Oh Fab. This is a beautiful gallery. And this is an awfully touching moment.

Lovin' this.

Also lovin' that Sep hates good weather and has done an Iljo and is riding a parellel grand tour, the #TourDeSep.

Oh shit there's a new contender for best grand tour ever (currently the Giro D'Iljo, obviously): #LeTourDeCalories

That sounds like a race I'd be really good at.

There's also the #TourVanBauke?? I LOVE THIS.

Oh. MY HEART BREAKS.

Imagine John in his garden. That's lovely.

The whole Lars Boom/MPCC/cortisol-gate is annoying to me. The George Bennett incident puts some question marks over the whole issue anyway and it's distracting to his AWESOMENESS and he hasn't done anything wrong, yet people are throwing him in with the dopers and the cheats and the Vinos.

And he too today will be in his garden and I just think everybody claiming to be a cortisol expert all of a suddent should just chill.

Yeah Belgium's King actually visited yesterday? You might recall we passed through his hometown.

I'm all for fan engagement, but you think someone in Sky's PR got momentarily confused?

... That of an MFing WINNER. It's my favourite role of yours too, John. 

Though that of adorable child minder and humble hero also suits you right down to the ground.

Has he?

LTD, Hero.

He should sign his emails like that or something.

SO. Onto the longest stage of the Tour today, a mini-Paris-Roubaix, and into Cambrai, where tanks were used for the first time in WWI.

Also, they make lovely boiled sweets there.

Stop it. What, are they trying to kill me??!

Shouting and shoving beginning now. We're coming to the first section of cobbles and Sky is NOT MESSING AROUND.

Oh Adam and Hendy together at the back!

There was a break out there with like 9 minutes at one point but it's down to 2 minutes now.

Known to some people as the Queen of the Classics, to others, as the Hell of the North.

I mean that's just a statement of fact but it sounded so dramatic and profound coming from Paul!

Laurens Ten Dam, who had to re-locate his dis-located shoulder on the roadside yesterday...

And Sky are up for this fight in this Tour de France. COME AT ME BRO.

ONTO THE COBBLES for the break!

CAV leading onto the cobbles.

Marco Haller went over the crash and landed on his feet yesterday??

He's back here with Adam and Hendy.

ONE DOWN, six to go. Froomey is still on his feet LET'S DO THIS.

I feel like this is gonna be me later.

Bike changes here at the back, including one for Bertie. We tend to forget because of Froomey's terrible luck, but let's not forget Bertie lost TWO MINUTES last time we were in these parts.

Richie and The King leading Little Pete and Froomey.

How quickly they wiped out that nine minute advantage when they just naturally accelerated.

A 'true' King of the Mountains winner? You better not be dissing Sammy.

Hardcore, Luke. Carrying that coke can along in his mouth and then pulling it open with his teeth. Before taking one sip and tossing it to the side like a bear.

No one has yet referred to a 'comfort machine', but there are quite a lot of bike changes going on.

The entirety of Movistar is on the front. With an indeterminite Giant on the front.

OMFG this. child. kills. me.

RIIIIIIIIIIIIICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh my god I know they didn't intend it, but this sounds SO mean.

Ok, back to France now, but YAY RICK.

Aww they're lamenting that Greipel doesn't have his usual leadout Hendy to help him with the intermediate sprint.

Marcel Sieberg has been given the task today apparently.

... He's not the one that took the right hand bend with the left hand corner coming up is he?

Weird sprint going here.

John was kind of all over the place.

Uh fucking Greipel! He knocked him like a bumper car!

Cav took the sprint meanwhile.


Oh my christ that was gorgeous. Peter joked very amusingly that they should band together and break away and John laughed so hugely and amazingly.

THE KING. And Alex. at the front.

WHAT??? Sammy has been hit!??

Chute sans gravite my ass! I HURT.

He seems ok. He's got a bunch of bottles and is wizzing along past the electrified fence back up to the front.

Van Summeren did some excellent teammate-ing there. Alexis Vuillermoz had a bit of an incident and Johan was immediately right there being super calm and ready to go.

Yeah the beeping of the horns is to warn the convoy of riders coming up. The beeping of the horns is also Charly's aggro driving.

No no, tell us more about the mobile medical unit! It sounds like Air Force One!

The Tour de France is officially now IN FRANCE.

LEO THE KING.

Do you think if Paul ever loses his notes he just calls whatever is on screen "the site of a Medieval fortress"?

This Sky team really is the best yet.


Adam having a snack back here. I assume it's Hendy with him but his numbers are flapping about.

Looks like someone had the same idea as me.

We don't want to leave people lying on the ground BUT THE DANGER IS REAL.

Cripes the tempo picked up and then it just started raining. It was all very dramatic suddenly.

Annnnd a crash as we come back from the commercial break.

Oh Dan. Of course it involved Dan.

Ooof an Astana just fell right over.

Another one now. Looks like Alex. OH ALEX. DAMMIT.

He seems ok though bleeding a bit profusely from the elbow.

Nearly onto the next paves for the break, which won't be a break for much longer.

AND WE'RE ON.

KWIATO LEADS US ON!

Ugh it's cracking, everyone is just everywhere.

Amaze.

They're though. Two down.

Right??!

Froomey glued to Stannard's wheel here.

This is too tense for me already. They're safely off the cobbles and then it looked like Froomey was gonna run head first into a bollard.

Rain coming down again.

 Chase group being lead by ALL of Garmin it would seem. Oh Dan.

LE CROW IS IN HIS ELEMENT.

Oh jesus back onto the cobbles.

Break swallowed, Astana BLASTING to the front lead by BOOM.

They're away a bit!

There's an OPQS too

STYBY!

Froomey's right up there!!

John too!

Froomey fucking NAILED them back.

Hoh they're off again.

I feel sick.

He's had three different riders go on top of him to take the yellow jersey.  Oh Tony. You can have it today. If Chris is ok with it.

There's like 8 people up here.

That was decimating.

Wee Pierre chasing with Garmindale.

OOOOH Oss just fuckin body checked an Astana.

Oss is bossin' it.

Kwiato slightly distanced.

Which is fair enough cuz there's like no one up at the front.

Except all of BMC apparently.

DON'T DO A BMC, BMC. Actually WIN if you can!

Yeah ELBOWS OUT is pretty fucking good tactics now isn't it!

Sage wisdom, as always, from Dave.

Ooooof that camera shot was like a big peloton wave coming over.

Jens is biggin' up John!

I'M COOL, I'M COOL, says Froome. He got a bit of a knock but he stayed up.

Back at the front under G's wing, Froomey. Safety first.

Back onto the pave.

The Shark pushes Gallopin and goes to the front.

John behind him.

All good, we're off again.

Gah back again!

This is the second to last.

Oss and his massive facial scar are back at the front!

'Scuttling' is a very accurate description of what Froomey does. Always up the side of the peloton.

Thibaut Pinot having a realllll badly timed mechanical there.

Oh my god this section won't end.

Oh Thibaut is really not happy. That poor child mechanic doesn't know what to do.

YOU'RE KIDDING.

THE ITV PLAYER CHOOSES TO GO OUT NOW?!!!!!!!!!!??

We're back, Tony is riding Matteo Trentin's bike.

Thibaut Pinot is having MORE problems, refusing the bike of his teammate and cursing on the side of the road.

TONY IS BACK.

AND SEP.

Paul is giving Thibaut a stern talking to. The gist is: MAN UP.

OMFG THE LAST PAVE.

NICO IS COVERED IN DUST LEADING THE WAY

G IS BEHIND

Onto the pave.

Astana leading obvs, Froomey is in like 5th position.

THE SHARK OF MESSINA is having a go!

But he can'g get away.

CAN STYBY!??

HE HAS A GAP WITH A BMC AND  SOMEONE

G??

Where is Chris Froome? He's up right at the front. He is riding a brilliant race this year.

THIS IS AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GGGGGGGGGGGGG

It was like the Classics killers and boom, FROOMEY was there and G was STEAMTRAINING that break along.

WOAH Froome was not happy there.

Well fucking DO something he's saying to his breakways

Hmph. Regrouping. Nobody wanted to take that on.

Dave thinks that now Froomey has survived the hardest part of the race for him he got over excited.

G can't be killed today. He keeps coming back.

Froome back at the front.

Nibali talking to John. In what language? And about what?

TONYYYYYYY!!

Tony Martin is now the virtual leader on the road simply by the attack!

FUCKING HELL HS IS AWAY!


Ohhhhh it looks like John wants it toooooo!

MY FUCKING HEART.

BE COOL TONY DON'T CRASH

HE'S GONNA DO IT

OPQS IS PRACTICALLY INSTALLING BARRICADES ON THE FRONT

OH MY GOD WHERE IS THE FUCKING FINISH???

OH TONNNNNNNNNNNNYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!

I think there won't be a dry eye in the house.

That was a fairytale ending today.

What a star, what a move.

Late to the party, Ned. I spotted that thing days ago.

Fran and I are always on the same page.

Bike racing is very curious.

Alright, fucking kill me. I couldn't enjoy that for FIVE MINUTES!?

What did they do????

Way to be philosophical Georg.

Awwww ADAM.

Oh TONY!

This is the best picture taken of anything ever. Tony, Mark, and Styby for sure. Julien Vermote? It looks like his colouring.

This team is just so beautiful. Bramma's party car, Matteo's sass, I love everything about this.

I heart Le Crow.

Alex finished last on the stage, missing a chunk of his arm (literally).

I'm all over the place.

Right we'll end it on an up: THIS FUCKIN' JOKER.