Dada won!

Oh Styby! Oh Tony! Tony went straight to congratulate Styby when he got in after yesterday's stage. Styby was being interviewed and his little face when he sees Tony is so sweet! And then Tony is kinda shaking his head about the situation as he gets out of the way and Styby shouts after him "WHAT???"

OH TONY. Look at him with all his bros!!!

And Styby!!! This team is the most beautiful!!!!

Froomey was just very authoritative and quite manly talking about the yellow jersey. "First out of respect for Tony, I wouldn't want to be wearing it. That's not the way I want to inherit the jersey, through someone else's misfortune."

Fucking hell this is so funny, they're doing radio tests while Cav is trying to be interviewed and he can't take it! He's so ADD and just had to give up! Cute!

Well in addition to lovely Tony, we lost lovely Hendy. So that is a terrible shame.

Come ON, I could just weep!

I'm sorry, they call that little German champ Emu???? WHY IS EVERYONE IN THIS RACE ADORABLE.

Votre Copain Tony Gallopin chattin' with Thibaut Pinot at the back. They were having a lovely time.

Yikes they're on the chase here.

You've got the Thomas Voecklers of the world who would like to get a second break established on the day.

Aww the Yates twins are side by side in the overall standings!

Those bottle vests... do they make things easier?

This break is yo-yoing in and out from under a minute to a minute and a half. They keep threatening to pull the cars out and then it goes out again.

OH MY GOD LET JOHN OPEN HIS ACCOUNT PLEASE.

Quinzy is amusing someone on Movistar at the front.

Omfg please stop talking about John's possible win today, I won't be able to deal.

Rui chatting with Pippo at the back.

...with his broken rib, LITERALLY broken rib, he's tried for three days, but... As Nathan Haas might say: cyclists, they hardcore.

Well under 50k now and the gap is coming down now for reals.

Mont St Michel in the distance! Beauty!

Marcel Sieberg is so large. It's like Stephen Merchant in the peloton.

Well the Ted King Award for bossin' on the front goes to Thomas DeGendt today. Cripes, I've hardly seen anyone else.

What is that an aeroplane? .. I think that's a rooster, Phil.

Aww Tony! GOOD VIBES Tony!

Quinzy and Miki Schar having a laugh there.

Oh hey Pete, hey Luke!

Nico, Pete, the Lion King.

They're just toying with these breakaways at 27k to go.

Hanseeeeeenoooooo! HI ADAM!

He's just gotten some kind of instruction. Gotcha, he indicates.

G pullin' off the back here. Wheel problem? He's chill.

Under 20k now. That break is still nominally out there.

If G got penalised for drafting too long behind the team car, he could just be like "I got distracted looking at Nico Portal". And the refs would be like, yeah fair play.

G's back.

Yeah missed out on the rest of the stage but I came back to see Delilah STEALING THE FUCKING SHOW in the interviews.

So who's winning.

Love is a Battlefield

Hard as a motherf*cker.

Straight up, Rui.

WHY ARE THEY SHOWING ME THIS. My heart is effing BROKEN, John needs to win today or the next day or sometime soon please when will John win??

Wait, which one is New Zealand's Ambassador?

Well that's very touching, if a bit strange with the bike gear on. Very sweet.

... Left the jokers on the bus then, did they?

Oooh my first Periscope!

Oh hello, this is strange and excellent.

It's very busy.

BEAUTIFUL JOHN YOU BEAUTIFUL MAN

They're like in a dingy, muddy carpark.


Everyone's at the Powerbar Buffet now.

ADAM! Walking gingerly up the steps.

Contador looks like he's wearing a kevlar vest.

Richie? ... We've panned away.

Ah there he is. He has a very kindly face.

Who's that Garmindale?

Now we're chasing people down the road.

Oh I guess they're lining up at the start.

Yeah it's over.

Well that was excellent.

So can you watch back a Periscope? Or is it like Snapchat? Am I 100 years old?

LET'S GO TONY!

What a view.

I've always liked you, VDV.

I have no objectivity. I know today isn't even necessarily a stage for John but I like so desperately want him to win I can barely stand it. And in keeping with the theme of EXTREME DISAPPOINTMENT followed by EXTREME ELATION (and a yellow jersey), IT WOULD BE SO RIGHT.

I'm sure he's an expert in both.

A crash already??

This is like when Froomey inexplicably pitched over in the neutral zone that one time.

No news beyond the fact that DeGendt was involved.

Oh and Nacer and the entire Cofidis team, according to cyclingnews.

Oh cripes Nacer has abandoned.

Well that got serious quickly.

I BELIEVE IN YOU JOHN!

I like his snug little sweatwear & shorts thing going on here.

Oh Jens you know you're beautiful.

Thibaut Pinot Will Only Ride Thibaut Pinot's Bike. I hadn't seen PhilGil's gang fight before. Those were great.

Tony's a cutie.

Is Juans To Watch a real segement??!! Why is ITV doing recaps til 2???

He DID make his own faith! MAKE YOUR OWN FAITH TOO JOHN!

Pete and Luke up front. Kwiato not far away.

Dan fell over AGAIN!??

Sky are having a fuckin' LAUGH! Little Pete Kennaugh is practically falling off his bike guffawing and G is cracking up behind

Maybe about mystery teammate having a wee a few rows back?

He likes a bit of an uphill ramp.

JUAN. 

Oh cripes what's this. Coquard went down. Papa Voeckler stopped very calmly, picked up his bike, checked his wheels and sorted him out. Merci Papa!

#NeverForget.

Another crash apparently!

The unluckiest souls Thibaut Pinot and Tyler Farrar involved at least.

Nico??

He's back up apparently but still.

BOOM. We've got a split here.

Might've been because of the crash though, not the winds. I got too OPQS-excited there.

Julien and G and Roy and Sinkledam and John up at the front.

God Paul got bored during his own description of tire pressure just then.

Quintana's having some unluck this Tour, isn't he? He's up out of a ditch and onto a teammate's bike.

Gruppo compatto.

By that I mean those two groups are back together. That solo dude is still out there a bit.

That's a fucking headwind to be going into!

G's balancing and getting his jacket off-- look mum no hands!

Lest we forget, G is a fucking ninja.

Nearly to the intermediate sprint.

LEAD US OUT ROY

Ugh. Greipel.

John still got 15 points.

Hey Kwiato!

Really? "Individual tombs" is what we go to commercial with?

NOW gruppo compatto for real.

Feedin' time.

UGH how many commercials do they wanna go to??

Plus twitter seems to be experiencing its own Grand Tour fatigue. Luckily TheJensie is on a jolly day out and keeping us amused.

Allo Nico.

Hendy! Hendy I love you!

Oh Bling. He is suffering at the way way back here.

They keep puting the camera on him. JESUS.

Nathan in third position there.

Hendy where's you partner in crime??

They've suddenly 'turned the screw' and they are PUSHING.

WIND SPLITS.

Cannondale leading the charge.

Oss and BMC not far behind. 

WHAT?!!!??? JACK BAUER has abandoned?!?!?!? THERE WAS NO WARNING OF THIS!

BMC to the front. They are SCREAMING along.

Woah, gaps, long lines, yowza.

#rain #rain as we come back from commercial.

Seem to have a split for reals here but it's an enormous first group and all the big players are in it.

So basically they've just dropped the wounded chaff. Not exactly leave no man behind.

Is that Stevo Cummings leading Peloton 2?

Yes indeed. HEY STEVE!

Quite a few of these riders caught out because they were injured the other day. Yeah.

THE GLASSES ARE COMIN' OFF. Le Crow looks like he's revving up.

Everyone out in team lines.

UMMMM. That was almost insane. A police motorbike fell over, didn't hit anyone, but it nearly fucking took out all of Sky. NOT COOL.

Cav having a bike change with Julien for company. Brian's out of the car personally, wearing shorts in this weather.

Team Time Trial getting Cav back to the group.

They're close, it'll be ok.

I mean it's fucking hard going but they're in sight.

STYBY will take you there.

Fuckin' hell Julien just got back on and is already going back to the car again.

He's been a star this Tour already, he's on the front all the time.

The wounded deer peloton is over 2 minutes back now.

It's Papa Bernaudeau's birthday today? There aren't any Bernaudeau's in the race these days are there? No one around to do a Rick?

Richie and Little Pete caught out in Peloton Deer??

But literally where is Sammy Sanchez? I know we're not yet in his terrain, but right now I don't believe he's in this race.

Nico, Stannard, G and Froomey conversing. Leo riding the front.

Tiny John's tiny head poppin' up mid-front there.

Francois Faber was never found?? 

Oh! Maybe I can find Sammy!

Or maybe not.

Huh. It claimed he was in the front peloton. But then it wouldn't let me search for another rider, so I relaunched the website and searched for someone I knew was in the second peloton, and it told me they were in the front peloton.

So. Ou est Sammy?

Yeah. It doesn't work. Everyone is in the Leader Group apparently.

Well it managed to peg Luke Durbridge at 3 minutes back. He may not even still be in the race.

Leo the Lion King having a little snack.

Is Peter very tall? He looks like a horse on the front of this group.

Seriously. The Jensie was telling us how riders mid-pack may be falling asleep in this lull. I know the feeling.

OMG everyone is bored.

The best description of weather ever: It's not the time to learn how to fly a light aircraft.

Hey Koen!

Of course we pan out when I had nearly all the BMCs accounted for EXCEPT ONE.

Nathan! Oh he needs service, he's not flagging.

Maybe he's like WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME ABOUT JACK??

Bottles are flying!

Peloton Deer is out to 4 and a half minutes. What's the time cut gonna be?

Ooof. 5 and a half now.

Oh crash!!

They're sliding everywhere.

I think it's in Peloton Deer?

Oh no it's like the ENTIRE second half of the front group!

Pippo down again. And Unlucky Thibaut. Wow.

OH a Katusha just lost his front wheel MASSIVELY and took someone out and BAM.

Looks like Farrar standing on the side of the road. Could he possibly be having MORE bad luck?

GreenEdge is having THE WORST Tour ever.

People are joining back on.

Glimpse of Geschke's Beard.

Oh Leo got caught up in that but they say he's ok!

OMFG. I'm gonna be sick.

SEVEN MINUTES back is Peloton Deer.

John looks like he's on Cav's wheel.

Composition at the front getting a bit murkier.

Trek's come up. Tinkoff all over.

BMC pulling.

Geshke's Beard comin up!

What's.. Oh it's MTN at the front for the first time.

Oh there keep being splits in the road around traffic furniture and it's all so fluid!

6k. GC teams still on the front.

WHY DOES THE PLAYER CUT OUT

YOU CANNOT PUT ON PAWN STARS

FUCK YOU ITV

Oh merciful god I've got Eurosport going now

JESUS. 3.3 to go.

2.6k.

It's all over it's crazy.

Tony leading the group round the corner!

Cav is fourth in the line.

GIANT IS COMING UP

John is third in line

I could throw up!!!!

500m!!!!!!!!!

John's far back

IOH GOD HE'S TRYING TO COME UP

He won't

He can't he's boxed.

I can't tell who's where except Kristoff is there

CAV

COME ON CAV

NO Greipel is back??!?!

Boo.

Fuuuuuuckin' hell. Etc.

This is incredible. GoPro footage has been such an amazing addition to coverage.

Left in the Dust

Okay, I was just using a speculative hyperbolic turn of phrase, but Fab actually DID break his back!! AND RIDE 50 KILOMETERS TO THE FINISH UP A HILL.

AND ONLY FINISH 11 MINUTES BEHIND THE GUY TRYING TO WIN IT.

He was stoic as a mofo when you consider his SPINE WAS FRACTURED and he was RIDING A BIKE.

I like how whoever this is has the inclination to follow Fab in the peloton like a cub to a papa bear. And then he's given a wide berth to move through the crowd like a champion.

Then there's this guy.

And this adorable aftermath that makes me well up.

And Hendy broke a rib among other things but has just confirmed he will start today.

Then there's this thing making the rounds. Not to be overdramatic but initially with the helicoptors and sirens and shit it's like reporting from a fucking warzone.

The carnage behind is distressing but I have to say this picture of Pippo makes him look like the fucking Terminator.

This is sort of a beautiful short story.

So today it's BOULDERS ON and there will for sure be some yellowing.

Squeeeeee! It's like speeding down the A1 towards Orchies in April!

Love these anyway (Nathan's thousand yard stare is particularly excellent as is JACK BAUER's animated storytelling), but the best is scrolling all the way to the end and Charly looking like an exchange student waiting at the bus station.

Oh Fab. This is a beautiful gallery. And this is an awfully touching moment.

Lovin' this.

Also lovin' that Sep hates good weather and has done an Iljo and is riding a parellel grand tour, the #TourDeSep.

Oh shit there's a new contender for best grand tour ever (currently the Giro D'Iljo, obviously): #LeTourDeCalories

That sounds like a race I'd be really good at.

There's also the #TourVanBauke?? I LOVE THIS.

Oh. MY HEART BREAKS.

Imagine John in his garden. That's lovely.

The whole Lars Boom/MPCC/cortisol-gate is annoying to me. The George Bennett incident puts some question marks over the whole issue anyway and it's distracting to his AWESOMENESS and he hasn't done anything wrong, yet people are throwing him in with the dopers and the cheats and the Vinos.

And he too today will be in his garden and I just think everybody claiming to be a cortisol expert all of a suddent should just chill.

Yeah Belgium's King actually visited yesterday? You might recall we passed through his hometown.

I'm all for fan engagement, but you think someone in Sky's PR got momentarily confused?

... That of an MFing WINNER. It's my favourite role of yours too, John. 

Though that of adorable child minder and humble hero also suits you right down to the ground.

Has he?

LTD, Hero.

He should sign his emails like that or something.

SO. Onto the longest stage of the Tour today, a mini-Paris-Roubaix, and into Cambrai, where tanks were used for the first time in WWI.

Also, they make lovely boiled sweets there.

Stop it. What, are they trying to kill me??!

Shouting and shoving beginning now. We're coming to the first section of cobbles and Sky is NOT MESSING AROUND.

Oh Adam and Hendy together at the back!

There was a break out there with like 9 minutes at one point but it's down to 2 minutes now.

Known to some people as the Queen of the Classics, to others, as the Hell of the North.

I mean that's just a statement of fact but it sounded so dramatic and profound coming from Paul!

Laurens Ten Dam, who had to re-locate his dis-located shoulder on the roadside yesterday...

And Sky are up for this fight in this Tour de France. COME AT ME BRO.

ONTO THE COBBLES for the break!

CAV leading onto the cobbles.

Marco Haller went over the crash and landed on his feet yesterday??

He's back here with Adam and Hendy.

ONE DOWN, six to go. Froomey is still on his feet LET'S DO THIS.

I feel like this is gonna be me later.

Bike changes here at the back, including one for Bertie. We tend to forget because of Froomey's terrible luck, but let's not forget Bertie lost TWO MINUTES last time we were in these parts.

Richie and The King leading Little Pete and Froomey.

How quickly they wiped out that nine minute advantage when they just naturally accelerated.

A 'true' King of the Mountains winner? You better not be dissing Sammy.

Hardcore, Luke. Carrying that coke can along in his mouth and then pulling it open with his teeth. Before taking one sip and tossing it to the side like a bear.

No one has yet referred to a 'comfort machine', but there are quite a lot of bike changes going on.

The entirety of Movistar is on the front. With an indeterminite Giant on the front.

OMFG this. child. kills. me.

RIIIIIIIIIIIIICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh my god I know they didn't intend it, but this sounds SO mean.

Ok, back to France now, but YAY RICK.

Aww they're lamenting that Greipel doesn't have his usual leadout Hendy to help him with the intermediate sprint.

Marcel Sieberg has been given the task today apparently.

... He's not the one that took the right hand bend with the left hand corner coming up is he?

Weird sprint going here.

John was kind of all over the place.

Uh fucking Greipel! He knocked him like a bumper car!

Cav took the sprint meanwhile.


Oh my christ that was gorgeous. Peter joked very amusingly that they should band together and break away and John laughed so hugely and amazingly.

THE KING. And Alex. at the front.

WHAT??? Sammy has been hit!??

Chute sans gravite my ass! I HURT.

He seems ok. He's got a bunch of bottles and is wizzing along past the electrified fence back up to the front.

Van Summeren did some excellent teammate-ing there. Alexis Vuillermoz had a bit of an incident and Johan was immediately right there being super calm and ready to go.

Yeah the beeping of the horns is to warn the convoy of riders coming up. The beeping of the horns is also Charly's aggro driving.

No no, tell us more about the mobile medical unit! It sounds like Air Force One!

The Tour de France is officially now IN FRANCE.

LEO THE KING.

Do you think if Paul ever loses his notes he just calls whatever is on screen "the site of a Medieval fortress"?

This Sky team really is the best yet.


Adam having a snack back here. I assume it's Hendy with him but his numbers are flapping about.

Looks like someone had the same idea as me.

We don't want to leave people lying on the ground BUT THE DANGER IS REAL.

Cripes the tempo picked up and then it just started raining. It was all very dramatic suddenly.

Annnnd a crash as we come back from the commercial break.

Oh Dan. Of course it involved Dan.

Ooof an Astana just fell right over.

Another one now. Looks like Alex. OH ALEX. DAMMIT.

He seems ok though bleeding a bit profusely from the elbow.

Nearly onto the next paves for the break, which won't be a break for much longer.

AND WE'RE ON.

KWIATO LEADS US ON!

Ugh it's cracking, everyone is just everywhere.

Amaze.

They're though. Two down.

Right??!

Froomey glued to Stannard's wheel here.

This is too tense for me already. They're safely off the cobbles and then it looked like Froomey was gonna run head first into a bollard.

Rain coming down again.

 Chase group being lead by ALL of Garmin it would seem. Oh Dan.

LE CROW IS IN HIS ELEMENT.

Oh jesus back onto the cobbles.

Break swallowed, Astana BLASTING to the front lead by BOOM.

They're away a bit!

There's an OPQS too

STYBY!

Froomey's right up there!!

John too!

Froomey fucking NAILED them back.

Hoh they're off again.

I feel sick.

He's had three different riders go on top of him to take the yellow jersey.  Oh Tony. You can have it today. If Chris is ok with it.

There's like 8 people up here.

That was decimating.

Wee Pierre chasing with Garmindale.

OOOOH Oss just fuckin body checked an Astana.

Oss is bossin' it.

Kwiato slightly distanced.

Which is fair enough cuz there's like no one up at the front.

Except all of BMC apparently.

DON'T DO A BMC, BMC. Actually WIN if you can!

Yeah ELBOWS OUT is pretty fucking good tactics now isn't it!

Sage wisdom, as always, from Dave.

Ooooof that camera shot was like a big peloton wave coming over.

Jens is biggin' up John!

I'M COOL, I'M COOL, says Froome. He got a bit of a knock but he stayed up.

Back at the front under G's wing, Froomey. Safety first.

Back onto the pave.

The Shark pushes Gallopin and goes to the front.

John behind him.

All good, we're off again.

Gah back again!

This is the second to last.

Oss and his massive facial scar are back at the front!

'Scuttling' is a very accurate description of what Froomey does. Always up the side of the peloton.

Thibaut Pinot having a realllll badly timed mechanical there.

Oh my god this section won't end.

Oh Thibaut is really not happy. That poor child mechanic doesn't know what to do.

YOU'RE KIDDING.

THE ITV PLAYER CHOOSES TO GO OUT NOW?!!!!!!!!!!??

We're back, Tony is riding Matteo Trentin's bike.

Thibaut Pinot is having MORE problems, refusing the bike of his teammate and cursing on the side of the road.

TONY IS BACK.

AND SEP.

Paul is giving Thibaut a stern talking to. The gist is: MAN UP.

OMFG THE LAST PAVE.

NICO IS COVERED IN DUST LEADING THE WAY

G IS BEHIND

Onto the pave.

Astana leading obvs, Froomey is in like 5th position.

THE SHARK OF MESSINA is having a go!

But he can'g get away.

CAN STYBY!??

HE HAS A GAP WITH A BMC AND  SOMEONE

G??

Where is Chris Froome? He's up right at the front. He is riding a brilliant race this year.

THIS IS AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GGGGGGGGGGGGG

It was like the Classics killers and boom, FROOMEY was there and G was STEAMTRAINING that break along.

WOAH Froome was not happy there.

Well fucking DO something he's saying to his breakways

Hmph. Regrouping. Nobody wanted to take that on.

Dave thinks that now Froomey has survived the hardest part of the race for him he got over excited.

G can't be killed today. He keeps coming back.

Froome back at the front.

Nibali talking to John. In what language? And about what?

TONYYYYYYY!!

Tony Martin is now the virtual leader on the road simply by the attack!

FUCKING HELL HS IS AWAY!


Ohhhhh it looks like John wants it toooooo!

MY FUCKING HEART.

BE COOL TONY DON'T CRASH

HE'S GONNA DO IT

OPQS IS PRACTICALLY INSTALLING BARRICADES ON THE FRONT

OH MY GOD WHERE IS THE FUCKING FINISH???

OH TONNNNNNNNNNNNYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!

I think there won't be a dry eye in the house.

That was a fairytale ending today.

What a star, what a move.

Late to the party, Ned. I spotted that thing days ago.

Fran and I are always on the same page.

Bike racing is very curious.

Alright, fucking kill me. I couldn't enjoy that for FIVE MINUTES!?

What did they do????

Way to be philosophical Georg.

Awwww ADAM.

Oh TONY!

This is the best picture taken of anything ever. Tony, Mark, and Styby for sure. Julien Vermote? It looks like his colouring.

This team is just so beautiful. Bramma's party car, Matteo's sass, I love everything about this.

I heart Le Crow.

Alex finished last on the stage, missing a chunk of his arm (literally).

I'm all over the place.

Right we'll end it on an up: THIS FUCKIN' JOKER.

Fleche and Blood, Part II

Tell us about it, Michal!

I love this so extremely.

Adam is such an effing hero.

Belgian Ted chillin' with some Garmindales at the faux depart there.

Classics riders are extra beautiful. (Although, including Valv.Piti?? How about you give us a shot of LE CROW)

Cuz obviously. Yeah, it's the Spartacus prize? The prize for being Spartacus.

I like really don't get this Herman the Sheep thing but I also kind of love it.

Trek have their work cut out for them today. Fab is such a natural salesman.

We've gone through kilometre zero but there is a delay to the official race start as yellow jersey Fabian Cancellara has punctured in the neutral zone! He is literally the King.

Dave Millar on this highlights coverage is hysterical. There's sirens and shit going off outside their little commentary tent and he keeps side-eyeing in their general direction.

Ugh. Vavl.Piti. Who "won" the past two Fleches and will try and "win" again today.

Ah that's better: Dan Martin sitting on a moat. WE LOVE YOU DAN!

"We're still in the fight" is practically the Garmindale credo.

Obviously we'll be looking for some Flower Power today.

OH HEY ROWEY

LE CROW is all over your tv.

I hardly recognise Martin Elmiger without his snazzy Swiss champs jersey.

OMFG Martin Elmiger was part of that horrific break with JACK BAUER that ended in tears. 

Jens' use of twitter is so brilliant.

Kill me. DGC AND Kwiato's sassy posing??? THE HEART CAN ONLY TAKE SO MUCH.

Warren Barguil chatting animatedly with Alexis Vuillermoz.

Is Nikolas Maes spectating at the Tour??? What a cutie!!

Well Phil and Paul don't know anything about Australian geography but they love Adam Hansen as much as I do!

Coming up to Eddy Merckx's birthplace here, Meensel-Kiezegem.

Oh hey Jan! Little Jan Bakelants wearing number 13 upside down.

ADAM! Rollin' along like a dude there at the back.

God seriously I could be looking RIGHT AT Martin Elmiger and not know who he is. He belongs in red!

Ryder at the back here with Adam.

LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ahh it goes on! SO MUCH LOVE.

C'mon he's ON FIRE today-- this is great stuff.

Oh hey Nico you gorgeous smiler you.

And ALEX at the front.

Garmindale are spending a lot of time at the back...

Many people say 'oh how long do they stop'. Well, they DON'T stop.

Everyone's just kinda rolling along in their teams.

OH Adam!!! He looks in such pain!!! He's wincing every time there's a bump in the road!

He's on Lil Tom's wheel who's on Ryder's so not in bad company but OH ADAM.

Cripes Tony Gallopin has got tinfoil in his rear wheel or some shit. That was a bit of a wild ride next to the mechanic for awhile!

I love how much everyone loves Adam. He should get Most Aggressive Rider just for BEING there.

Fucking hell they picked up that pace! Gap to the break is now down to 40 seconds.

Now down to 30 seconds. We're still 20k to the first climb.

Oh hey Garmindales.

20 seconds for the breakaways.

Little Tommy Voeckler dancing at the back.

You gotta be in front before the carnage happens, says Jens. Before the Big Bang happens.

I recognise Charly's aggressive driving in the convoy there.

Votre Copain Tony Gallopin has had an il-timed puncture and is chasing back on.

Oh god big crash oh my god.

OOF an FDJ went down and it is CARNAGE.

It looks unbelieveably terrible, people are flying over the road.

Oh god looks like yellow, looks like Fab.

They're saying it isn't, they're saying it's just Lotto.

IAMS, Rui, Lotto Jumbos, a Garmindale.

No it is Fab!

There is a mess of an FDJ.

Daryl Impey has a shoulder out of wack.

OMFG they're stopping the race.

Fab is back on his bike.

They're saying William Bonnet is being taken away in the ambulance, I wonder if he was that terrible FDJ.

God the race is back on apparently.

Hendy down too apparently??

Oh my god was that Fab that went SOMERSAULTING THROUGH THE AIR.

Oh Tom! Tom Dumoulin is out now.

Everyone is shouting at Christian Prudhomme. He has no control.

The race is now being physically stopped (not just neutralised) at the base of the climb.

This is chaos.

It's restarting. Gerro and William Bonnet out.

Ten Dam too. Hendy is back on his bike with Fab.

Everyone is all over the road and cars are everywhere.  Fab is deciding what to do it would seem..

God now it's stopped again.

GET IT TOGETHER.

Vaughters is out on the road, Prudhomme is out on the road.

Team staff are just running through the group giving bottles and stuff.

Fab is heavy breathing but to be honest if that was him that went fucking vaulting through the air he looks pretty chill.

Oh do you know maybe it's his bike that does the somersault, looking at it again. But still.

Oh Oss!!!! He's bleeding from the eye and giving a comforting pat to an AG2R.

Oh Hendy. He's been torn apart.

Johan Van Summeren torn all apart on his back.

DVB is alive in the pack.

Michael Matthews with a massive chunk out of his back but on his bike.

Race is going again, neutralised to the top of the climb. Ten Dam apparently NOT abandoned, still in the race. Cuz obviously.

Unclear what's happened to Rui. Ned says he went over his handlebars and his twitter is incomprehensible.

Oh for the love of jesus, honestly?!?!! I'm going to weep.

Johan Van Summeren talking to Fab at the back. Hendy a little ways behind them.

Is Little Pete Kennaugh riding beside Marcel Sieberg to provide some comic relief?

Hard to tell if they're staging some kind of protest or just getting their wits back about them. Everyone is just riding along very tranquillo.

Hi. Says Fab to the race ref as he goes by.

The FUCK?! THE MAN IS MADE OF STEEL.

Seems we've got a race going now. Sky all together at the front. They've put Le Crow on the case.

Trek and Garmindale and Katusha and Saxo up there too.

Oh this sorry little band. Hendy, Van Summeren, Fab, Ten Dam and another guy back there just hanging on for dear life in the convoy.

Ooop, looks like a crosswind split trying to go here.

Astanas, Tinkoffs, a Movistar or two...

Sky's gonna get them though. That was fucking nervous for a second.

There's now a definite split but Sky has made the junction so I'm cooler about it now.

Fool me once, says the Shark of Messina..

Hey Kwiato!

Ist John???

Froomey's up in there very close to the front.

Fab is such a beast man. He's caught the back of the second group, despite I dunno, probably riding with a broken back.

G, Pete, Nico and The King are up there with Froomey.

Ian punctured at an unlucky time. Not sure what happened to Le Crow and Wout.

What's this now?

Oh. It looked like a break off the front but was in fact some riders trying to get back on.

TDF twitter is saying Rui is in the Fab group.

GreipelThighs got the intermediate sprint, cuz duh. Dege was hot on his heels though.

Awwwww, meanwhile it's not much better over in Austria!

All back together now apparently.

Garmindale taking OVER.

Oh Richie! I forgot about Richie earlier. There he is though, at the front. THE KING behind him and Froomey behind him. G up in there too.

John getting distanced here.

Most of the sprinters actually.

Richie killin' it on the front.

Shit that's a bit of a bend, and with COBBLES.

Jens explains riding at the front: You break at 30th place or 100th place and you gotta reaccelerate with like a thousand watts.

OPQS are swarming.

He is the World Champion. He's a real class act.

Please please please don't let me dare dream and then crush my tiny heart.

Julien Vermote leading the way!

Ugh people are dropping everywhere.

Kwiato is in second position. Froome is on his wheel.

Rafal Majka here too.

Oh cripes, a Tinkoff just went off into the bushes. Was it Majka?

G leading Froomey at the head of the peloton.

What's up with Michal?!! He looks stressed and talking into his radio.

Well he looks like he's up in there so I guess it's all good...

2k to go.

Oh god flamme rouge

Kwiato is waaaaaay back now.

He's out. Well boo.

JUST NOT VALV.PITI OK!?!!!

Froomey is pushin' to the front.

He's on the front!

UGH they're on the steepest section

He's climbing!!!!

He's trying to ride Bertie off!

Purito going on the side!

A lotto behind him!

Tony Gallopin??

Froomey's coming back!

GO ON FROOMEY!!!!!!!!!!!

GO ON!!!

DAN! Goddamn! WHERE DID YOU COME FROM??

Purito got it in the end! GO TINY CIGAR!

That's fine cuz FROOMEY WAS SECOND. KILL IT FROOMEY.

.. THEY'RE SAYING HE'S IN YELLOW NOW.

IT LOOKS SO RIGHT.

HUG, Rui!!!!

It looks like Peter's being read a bedtime story by his kindly grandfather.

What a day. We'll have to wait for updates on all the crashers.

Under the Sea

Cav lookin' leaaaaaaan.

Reminiscing about the last time they were in this part of the world: "I think the biggest issue of the day was Denis Menchov hitting a dog."

Oh man that was almost extremely graphic. Kwiato just wanted a pee!

HI JENS!!!!

Sweet! The majority of the stage will be raced under sea level.

Into Gouda! Paul has provided us a great deal of advice on how to pick your best Gouda. And given a genealogy of the cows needed for its production.

Though neglected to mention Gouda is also the birthplace of Koen de Kort!

I think that's Alex! IT IS SO EXCITING TO SEE ALEX IN THE TOUR!

G!!!!

And Wee Pete!

Nicoooooo!

I must say I've been lovin' Peter's hair lately. Like, what mousse does he use?

"They've used this tactic before, they find the wind..."

AHHHHHHH they've done it again!

What is this horrific imagery of the German champ ALONE being distanced!! STOP SHOWING HIM IT'S SAD

CRIPES look at that split.

Paul is questioning how far out this has been done but can't say it isn't working!

Oh god even Phil and Paul have mentioned the woe of the poor German champ.

Nico has a hysterical pain face. He looks like he's laughing and smiling.

I think that's Belgian Ted on the front!

Awwww it is!!!

Daniel Oss poppin' above the parapet like a meerkat.

He's trying to strategise into his radio.

Garmindale been caught out it would seem. Ryder and Pitbull in the second group.

"For the moment the panic is over with"

Well done says Nico to whoever was in front of him. Wee pat on the back.

*Wink*

That's like a killer telling you how they're going to kill you and then doing it and you have no power to stop them.

I don't even understand what's happening at the finish line. That weather is RANCID.

Tasty.

G!!!! Don't fracture your pelvis AGAIN!!!

What's happening? Why is Jens Debusschere sad???

He had a terrible crash apparently! Awwww he's so sad!

Squee! Sammy Sanchez! RIDING BESIDE KOEN DE KORT. And now Steve Cummings. THE TOUR IS THE BEST.

BMC bossin' at the front. Oss and Quinzy drivin'.

Youch, that second group has been caught out!

Oh wee Pierre!

Ohhhhhhh that weather!!! Literally almost can't see anything!

ahhh the feed went out but they say it was Adam!!!!!

Ahhhh nooo the delayed feed is horrible! His entire right side is covered in mud. His shoulder looks dislocated but he's like 'gimme another bike, I'm cool to drive'. ADAM I LOVE YOU.

Wout and Nico are dropping now. Don't isolate Froomey!

Gap at 44', Froomey is in the front group. Unfortunately so is Bertie but the Witch Doctor has been distanced.

Oooop Nibali is being left behind!

Just gone through this elite front group, almost all of OPQS, lots of Lottos, FROOMEY, Ian and G (and possibly Wee Pete?), Tejay and lots of BMCs including Ossy and Quinzy.

also bertie.

Alex has got his sunglasses off and is POWERING the witch doctor's group along.

Tibault and John are getting with Nibali trying to get with this front group.

Alex having a snack.

Oh HEY ROY!

A Lotto-Jumbo seems to be getting into an altercation with Matteo Trentin.

Group 2 and 3 are merging it seems.

Styby!!

Oh good, confirmation that FAB is in this front group. TAKE THE YELLOW JERSEY FAB!

Tony is runnin' this show. Every time they show the front group he's on the front strategising like a UBOAT CAPTAIN.

Well this is a great photo and sentiment.

Woah Matteo Trentin is not feeling very chill. He might have just been gesturing about the road going ahead but it looked more like GO FUCK YOURSELVES.

Nibali is peeling off, ooooh mechanical. Oh my god he is literally having the worst day ever.

Oh come on they're not gonna disqualify him. He's not Richie.

Are they even on road now?? It looks like they're riding through a marsh.

Ahh Peter! He's had a flat! Fuck the tire, give me a new bike!

YEAH PETER. Oh hey it's me again on the back of this front group!

"THERE'S A LOAD OF TRAPS ON THE WAY!" says Phil.

Oh Richie, oh Dan, spotted in the second group.

Alex has been all over the front all the day! GO ALEX!

Awww, Kwaito has won the most aggressive rider of the day!

FABBBBBBBB!!! Riding next to hair rival Oss.

Oh christ 1k this is happening.

Oh god well that was boring. Cav, Peter, and Greipel went to the line, Fab swung around and got up to them and it was all kicking off and then GREIPEL takes it??!!

Ugh.

ooooh look how much time that second group lost! A minute 30!

OMG they're saying Fab was actually third and will take the yellow jersey! DON'T LET ME DREAM!!!!

YAAAAASSSSSSSS!!!!!!

I simply love them both!!!

I love how Cav just stops giving a shit when he sees he won't win. What? PUTTIN MY BREAKS ON.

That Alpecin commercial where John is dubbed with his own voice is quite weird.

David Millar is not impressed with you today, Mark.

And you gotta listen to a man who looks so good in a popped collar.

Awwwwwwwww I LOVE FAB HE IS SO SMILEY

What a delicate flower G is. Talking about his crash: "Yeah someone fell over my back wheel and I went down that way and landed on my... on my bum."

I LOVE FAB SO MUCH

"I had to go somewhere but I didn't know where."

"I had my tough time there because it wasn't easy."

"They won nothing and they lost everything."

"I won today yellow and that's good."

Sippin' on an Orangina.

Over TWO MINUTES down for the Shark of Messina and even more for the Witch Doctor!

Cool nose ring Froomey.

Hey Juan Antonio, late to the game and throwing his mic up in there. Scene stealer.

Aww a wee glimpse of Julien riding on the front in the final wrap-up.

Hendy you amazing man...

Oh Koen we love you.

ADAM!