The George Cozza Fab Wagon is rollin' into town...

And it speaks pretty dodgy English.


Ohmygod it's almost here.  First of all, everyone should join the Halfords/Garmin Fantasy Tour de France game.  I don't get fantasy sport, but as we while away the days before the bestest bike race eva, you've got to find something to fill the time.

And here is the winning team:

Frankie (seen here in full ninja regalia); Baby Bro; Nica Roche; French Hero Lil Thomas Voeckler; that other French hero Sylvain Chavanel; his bestie Jerome; Jani; Cav; and ladies man man's man man about town Bernie Eisel.

My team's sooo gonna win, cuz they've got human engineering on their side.


UPDATE: Oh who am I kidding. Sorry Jerome, but I simply can't field a team without my main man.

Lance Armstrong is an alpha male. And other really shocking news.

First off, Steve's back! Anyone who gets his Race for Kids updates (or who has perhaps read in graphic detail of Greg LeMond's gastric problems in the 1986 Tour) will be pleased to hear this grisley affair is (hopefully) over and done with.  Go PHS class of 2003!

Yesssssss.

I don't really love Bradley Wiggins' Dauphine win. Cuz now we'll have to hear him endlessly managing expectations for the next three weeks (though Robert Millar talking up his chances and shitting all over that idea has been rather amusing) and then being just sort of a douchebag all the way through the Tour whether he finishes on the podium or in the Broomwagon. Though I suppose some congrats are in order for Team Sky for improving like 300% on last year's results.

Certainly up there for Weirdest Podium Ever.  Is Cadel Evans Wiggo's date? Is he doing Blue Steel? Has Vino had his jaw wired shut? And should he even be allowed near a podium? And why can Bradley Wiggins never manage to look even moderately pleased AT ANYTHING?

I'm puttin in out there: Get ready for more of this man in yellow come July.  And of course most definitely, Baby Bro.

I do not like birds, buuuuuuut if he rode the stage with that thing on his shoulder, I could so get on board with that.

Speaking of weird photos, I like photos of the Schleck brothers more than most, but why does Frankie look like he drank from the wrong grail? 

Looking on the bright side:

Nica Roche offers some rather amusing perspective on a recent conversation with Dan Martin.  I love him as much as he loves exclamation points.

Cyling is always there to remind us to be thankful that we still have our jaws.  Ted King always knows just what to say. 

As for the latest in Man Vs. Chimera, I like how the whole tone of this article is essentially "IF this happened, that would have a whole lotta legal ramifications."  Yeah, if he killed a man, that would cause some problems with the law too.

I love Jens Voigt.

Ted King needs Magneto.

Is it strange that the Dauphine and the Tour are doing the exact same stage?  Why does Grenoble love a Time Trail so much?  I suppose the Dauphine's doesn't follow a Telegraphe-Galibier-Alpe D'huez triple though, so today just might seem like a walk in the park (or a ride in the park, on a Boris Bike).  Also in a change to normal proceedings, Tony Martin has beat the time of Dave Zabriskie. Today's stage is like a weird alternate universe.

Talking of the Tour, get ready for more of this man off the front of the pelaton come July. 

And let's not forget AG2R.  They're prepping in weird ways. Though certainly no weirder than the Schleck tactic of prepping by not winning..  Anyway, I hope those new ice suits are poo brown.

Poor Ted King, fresh of his Third Place at the US Pros, has taken a tumble and is in a glass case of emotion.  Hopefully his collarbone will be armor-plated as soon as possible and he'll be back racing, allowing Phil to shout with over-enthusiasm "HE RIDES WITH A METAL PLATE IN HIS COLLARBONE!"

Surprise and more surprises.

Boom Goes the Dynamite.

First off, this has got the be the best example of Animals in Cycling Situations.

And in old(er) news, not that I have anything against Matt Busche, but this literally would've been the best podium in the history of recorded time if George was first and everyone else moved up one spot. In fact all races should probably end in that configuration. 

AndyKloedi got pretty excited in a rather low key way for the Tour DeLux.  Overall, he has got to be tied with Fab Cancellara for most incomprehensibly foreign twitter updates.

As for the podiums, well... Yes, basically. Fab looks like a gay superhero and Stuey's lovin it. Frankie looks like he's had one too many. Certainly up there with the pig, the trident, and Team America for Best Podium Ever.

Meanwhile, um, is Linus Gerdemann tweaking his own nipples?

Elsewhere, in another incident of Inappropriate Touching in Cycling Situations, Cokey Tom does not seem that bothered by this handsy lady.

Tour de France pre-game has officially started and Boom goes the dynamite.

And considering he's such a massive winner, Davide Appollonio offers up a rather good theory.